Painful intercourse..

Hi..

Sorry I hope this isn’t too much information but I just need to get it off my chest.

I was diagnosed with endo a few weeks ago on my laparoscopy. I’m feeling ok since, not too much pain.

So I only started having symptoms in Jan 2018 after my implant came out, and by Dec 2018 I started to get horrific amounts of pain after having sex. It wasn’t every time but was on and off. I would sit on the sofa and sob my heart out while my fella ran to grab me heat packs and all sorts.

I just had intercourse for the first time since my op. I was physically completely fine but not mentally..

I had so much anxiety.. I was super nervous and even a little reluctant.. scared incase it hurts. I kept trying to direct him or hold him back a bit. It’s like I’m preparing myself for the pain and every second I’m readying myself to tell him to stop.

I guess nothing will heal this apart from time..

Hopefully at some point I can go back to normal

Xx

[MID123]

I get pain during and after sex too.

It can be really really difficult because you feel like you don’t want to let your partner down or make them feel bad.. my partner often feels guilty after sex if I’m in pain, which I hate because he shouldn’t feel that way.

You sound like you have a really supportive partner! My partner is so supportive and really understanding, we are both really honest about how we feel which has definitely helped with me feeling anxious, like you explained! You will grow in confidence and be able to recognise when it’s too much.

Over time I’ve started to recognise before having sex whether it might be painful - don’t always know but sometimes - I don’t know how but I just can recognise the feeling.

Hope this helps you in some way x

[Hidden in reply to MID123]

Yeh that’s exactly it. Before my lap, he didn’t want to have sex with me as he didn’t want to hurt me so we waited ages. I’m very lucky to have him.

Glad to hear you have a supportive partner too, where would we be without them!

I’m assuming that now I’ve had my laparoscopy, and they lasered the endo they found, that I shouldn’t really have painful sex now until it grows back (?).. so yeh it’s just growing confidence back really now.

Thanks for your help, it feels so much better to talk about. Xx

[Sweetyassi]

Hi,

Sorry to hear that you are in pain. I have been in pain as well. I have learned that if you can relax your bladder while having intercourse the pains should ease each time. A nurse told me that when your in pain while having intercourse the bladder thinks its under attack and will cause more pain and sometimes infections. Your partner sounds supportive, your lucky, mine is a different story.

Sweety

[Livingdeadgirl]

I felt exactly the same. I've twice had to have a lap and had stuff removed because it hurt so much during sex. We got married and didn't have sex for most of the first year of our marriage. My lap op was in Oct and things were great afterwards but I was stressing thinking of the pain, which obviously doesn't help things!

My pain has come back this month so I'm really hoping it was just a one off and it'll be gone next time we try 😫

[Hidden in reply to Livingdeadgirl]

Oh really, and sorry to hear your pain have come back :(.. can I ask what stage do you have and what did you take after your laparoscopies? I’ve been told to keep taking the mini pill (cerelle) to keep the symptoms at bay. I had mild endo lining the back wall of my uterus.

That’s tough for your first year of marriage but you obviously have a strong relationship. I’ve seen so many people write about how unsupportive their partners are so I feel relieved to have Jon 😊

[Livingdeadgirl in reply to Hidden]

Well I had a lap 7 years ago and they basically burnt of an ectropion I had outside my cervix and never explained anything about endo to me. Then it all started happening last year so I had another lap where they discovered I had bowel adhesions caused by endo but my gyn didnt take a biopsy whehn he ddi my lap so he said he wouldnt formally diagnose me. This has annoyed me and if the pain continues I'm going to be asked to be referred to someone else. So I'm unsure of what stage it is.

My periods also stopped last year and came back after my lap in Oct. But last month it didnt appear and that coincided with the pain during intercourse so I'm worrying it's all happening again. My gyn seemed uninterested about my period issue and always brush it off when I mention it.

Yeah I'm really lucky my husband understands. It gets me down though because its a disruption. Glad to hear your partner is supportive, it definitely makes the difference! Xx

[lou840]

Hi, sorry to hear about your struggles, it’s horrible the impact of endo on our lives and relationships even after surgery. I had a similar experience and am now 4 weeks post op. I haven’t tried sex yet as I’m not allowed for 8 weeks post op but am doing a few things to hopefully help for when I do... I am currently seeing a pelvic floor specialist for post op issues and she will also be helping me to learn to relax in that area, my body is also used to super tensing up as its used to associating sex with pain. I have also recently started going to counselling too, I wasn’t sure about it at first and it took a couple of sessions to feel any positive thoughts afterwards. It’s great you have a really supportive and caring partner and like you mentioned it will take some time too X

[Hidden in reply to lou840]

It really is horrible. Yeh I left it for 5 weeks before we did.

Yeh I feel like I’ve been doing that too, I literally just wait for the pain to hit, not knowing if it’s going to come or not. Hope it starts to help you!

I’ve thought about counselling as it has been a struggle. Would be good to talk out loud to some who will just listen. Maybe I might give it a go if you think it’s starting to do some good. Xx

[lou840 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah Im really hoping the pelvic floor therapist can help me or I dont know what to try next. The counselling was a bit intense at first so be prepared they could bring up stuff from the past etc which i found annoying more than anything but it was good to offload endo stuff and the effect its had on me to her. Also if you are UK there are support groups on the Endo website where you can meet other woman face to face x

[Roxy11]

I hear you girl! I had 2 Lap Ops and I am in more pain now then when I started when it comes to sex. Before my first lap I never had pain but since then it has gotten worse. I can notice an ebb and flow with the pain. Sometimes it will be manageable and other times I just have to stop. I do find myself crying about it a fair but as I don't want to upset my partner and I think the guilt gets me. I am super lucky to have an amazingly supportive partner who is always checking up on how I am feeling, but I find a lot of the time I just grin and bear the pain as to not worry him (not the best idea I know). Nobody has been able to give me an answer as to why I had this problem come on so suddenly after my op. I was diagnosed with Vaginismus and given vaginal trainers (the worlds weirdest physiotherapy) but they haven't helped the burning pain.

I hope the pain dissipated for you soon. xx

[Stk19]

I get awful pain during and after sex and I only had my endo removed three months ago. So depressing xx

[Hidden in reply to Stk19]

Oh so it came straight back pretty much ☹️ sorry to hear that. It’s so rubbish. I wasn’t really in pain much last night, it was more anxiety about having sex that got to me. I am achy today though, have a heat pack on at work. I hope to god it doesn’t come back like it was 🙈 x

[Stk19 in reply to Hidden]

I hope so too, bless you! Hopefully the aching is non related. I'm so glad you have an understanding partner.

My boyfriend has been great but I can tell he gets frustrated at times, I think he just hasn't taken the time to fully try and understand what a monster endometriosis is. Think the thought in his mind is that I had it cut out and that's that,I've tried to explain but given up lol!

[Rachaellouiset]

Hi, I had this too. The suspense of the pain of having sex after the lap was immense. Just take things slowly. Nothing to vigorous and take your time. There's no time limit to sex, try and relax and believe me I know it's easier said than done, but it really helps. I was the same, getting ready to tell him to stop, getting ready for the pain.... But it didn't happen. I mean don't get me wrong. I was sore after the op, which is why you have to be careful the first few times that you do it! You'll get there and have faith that it'll work out. Because it will 💕

[Hidden in reply to Rachaellouiset]

Oh thank you ❤️, will just take it slow then. Yeh the pain didn’t come and then I was just so overwhelmed after, I literally had to try not to cry. He could see something wasn’t right and then I just cried explaining to him that I was just too worried and anxious about it. Thanks for your message lovely x

[Peebles2sarah]

You are not alone in this! I actually had to have PT because my body had developed a natural clenching response to sex due to the extreme pain I used to feel. No matter how much I tried to relax, my partner and I couldn’t even try having sex at all (like it physically was impossible). Unfortunately, it can be a long road to getting better but I hope you have an understanding partner (it seems like you do). Best of luck to you xx