Fertility envy before even having my lap - Endometriosis UK

Endometriosis UK

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Fertility envy before even having my lap

Elm98
Elm98

This is probably going to sound silly to the ladies on here but it’s getting me down.

I have my first lap planned 18th July and doctor seems pretty sure it’s endo, I’ve come to terms with that being likely and it doesn’t bother me however I’m so so worried about my fertility... it’s almost like a sixth sense that I know I’m going to struggle to conceive if I even mange at all. Me and my partner are waiting till after my lap to start ttc but so many people around me are getting pregnant really easily and by mistake and the green eyed monster is getting to me. Any ladies here dealing with fertility envy and how do you cope

2 Replies

I don't know how old you are but I've found that a big factor regarding how I feel. I was diagnosed at 18, crippled with it for a year at that point but then had 17 years where pain only affected me horrendously during period. As I was diagnosed at that age I thought a lot about it then and as I became a step mum from 19-25 and we bonded so well I told myself if I can't have kids when the time comes I would adopt. Totally ignorant of how difficult the process is. Then life changed. When I was 36 I had multiple family bereavements and cared for my mum for 2 years before she died. I've basically been left with ptsd since and endo became daily. I always thought I'd have a baby when I was 39/40 as that's when mum had me. Suddenly all my friends were having babies at that age I was stuck single, unable to work and debilitated by endo and ptsd. Not a chance of meeting someone and starting a family. The thing that affected me the worst was close friends who were never sure if they wanted kids suddenly decided they did, all getting pregnant in a heartbeat at 40 so now I've just turned 43 surrounded by all these babies and happy families. Particularly with one friend who didn't tell me she was pregnant until after 4 months but told everyone else it has hit me very hard. So, what I'm trying to say is, depending on your age, don't panic but do prepare yourself that possibly if you're unlucky like me 'life' events/traumas could wipe out a few years of your life, as could trying to get pregnant if it ends up that you do have fertility issues but do remember a hell of a lot of women have a baby even though they have endo. It sounds like you're in a good place with your partner and keen to start trying soon - this is all really good! This is just my opinion but I think it's rare that a surgeon could tell you for sure 100% one way or another how much endo has affected your fertility so please don't panic whatever they say. I've known women with stage 3-4 who has had no issues and vice versa. Basically until you try you're in the same boat as every other woman - there are so many reasons for infertility and often women have no idea they have an issue until they start trying. As for the envy IF the the odds are against you, yep it's very difficult. With my close friend mentioned above I totally wigged out as she didn't handle the situation between us well but I took some time out, thought how important she is to me and I've now thrown myself into spending time with her son (when I physically can) and showering them both with love and attention. Our friendship is now in a much better place. I basically thought I have to make a decision here and either let this envy take me down or embrace the great thing I have (a very good friendship and now a new little buddy). As for what I'll do about kids going forward - god knows. I always saw being a mum as the biggest thing that would happen in my life and this is now magnified since losing my parents. BUT my health has to come first and this needs to be my focus for now. I know it's very daunting when/if you're diagnosed with endo so please do reach out on here for support and see where you're at post laparoscopy. I hope your recovery goes well (you'll get lots of advice on here) and I wish you lots of luck with trying for a baby xx

Hi Elm98,

I am in a pretty similar situation. My partner and I have been trying for the last 9 months..and I am 30. Nothing happened. Got a scan done which showed endometriomas in the right ovary, which looks bad. It has been a real shocker. I do feel jealous of my friends who tried just once or twice and conceived. Really wonder what I did wrong to deserve this. To top it all I see women who treat their kids like 💩, and are callous and yet are blessed. It really gets to me sometimes. Every day I try to envision a life with my lil one. Hopefully I will get there some day.

I think it's natural ..to feel a lil envious. We are all humans anyway. But try not to take it out on them. I try to talk to them about my condition..but I think deep down they are only relieved that it's me facing this and not them. Maybe it's in my head. Anyway, try and focus on the positive. Take your mind off the diagnosis. You have a lap planned.that is a good first step. I will be meeting my fertility doctor tomorrow.

Do keep me posted as to what happened..

Lots of love

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