Down hill struggle

[ChloeeEmily]

I had my op in September and things are only getting worse, me and my partner argue a lot over it because sex hurts me and my hormones are constantly all over the place and he’s struggling with it just as much as I am, we’ve been told we can’t have ivf because he’s already got a child and it’s killing us both, I am close to breaking point and at the moment I don’t feel like anything is going to help me, emotionally I’m drained I can’t deal with these symptoms any more how has everyone else dealt with this?

[Zoehman82]

Gosh I am so sorry that you are dealing with not only being in pain and the roller coaster of hormonal angst but also the IVF.

That must be quite devastating for you both. But I have to say regardless, if your man can’t be understanding and patient regarding sex then we think you need to have some serious discussions with him.

My husband has always been very understanding. I have had the embarrassment of bleeding as a result of intercourse and it really put me off but he was fine about it. As my symptoms progressed and pain became an issue we were limited to positions as anything deeply penetrating was agony. But again he has been able to come to terms with a less exuberant sex life. We can still be intimate and close but he is very careful and gentle.

Talk to him explain you want to be close but things have to be steady. You must be all over the show with not being able to have IVF. Especially if it is because he already has a child, this really can’t help and maybe you resent him to some degree even when you love him. Talk, maybe see if you can get some sort of counciling together.

C

[ChloeeEmily in reply to Zoehman82]

He is very understanding about the whole thing but it frustrates him as well we have spoke about it but I don’t think he fully understands as much as he wants to, at the moment any sex is painful and I’m not really sure how to get around it, it is so gentle and will stop when it hurts but nothing we try seems to be helping the situation, I have debated going to speak to a councillor but not really sure how to go about it

[Peren]

Hi Chloe. What type of surgery did you have?

I to had surgery last September and was diagnosed with mild to moderate endo but since then the pain was far worse and at points I couldn’t even walk. I fought with the GP to refer me to BSGE centre and last week had excision surgery at one where I was diagnosed with stage 4 rectovaginal endo - it was everywhere.

My point is, if you had ablation by a general gynae it would appear they don’t always know what they are looking for and as a result things get missed and your pain increases. If your pain is worse I would request a referral to a specialist.

X

[ChloeeEmily in reply to Peren]

I had a lap and things were better not 100% better but better then they were and now things have got worse the pain is less frequent but when I have it, it’s worse then before to the point where I can’t walk, when I saw my gynae about it he told me that everything was defiantly out and made out I was lying about it all, but before the op he told me he wasn’t expecting to find anything and he did, he just doesn’t want to know makes me feel like it’s all in my head and there’s nothing wrong with me and then he discharged me not really sure where to go from here because he just doesn’t want to know but I don’t know how much longer I can cope with it all I’m at complete breaking point

[Moonglo]

Please don’t despair! Can you ask your GP to refer you to a bsge specialist? bsge.org.uk You might need to spoonfeed the GP so check out the list on the website and identify 2-3 options, print them out and give them to the GP. You might also need to print out what the bsge does to help you explain why they’re important in helping you with treatment. I did this with my GP and she was very open to helping me. I’m so sorry to hear about your suffering- after 3 failed ivf cycles I came to terms with infertility and we decided not to carry on. But you do have options - paying yourself (expensive but still an option), egg donors, adoption or fostering. The important thing is to decide for yourself what *you* want - the details might not matter at the moment as your GP or bsge specialist might even have suggestions. I do think that you should go and see a counsellor as you have lots of things to deal with, and I can sympathise that it can all feel too much at the moment. Try counselling-directory.org.u... or again ask your GP.