Relationship struggles

[xximilixx]

I want to start out by saying my boyfriend is so supportive of me right now, and I'm sure any other 19 year old would've up and left someone with as many problems as me.

But I've just felt so guilty lately despite people telling me I shouldn't. He slipped up yesterday and told me I was pretty boring in bed, which of course upset me because the past year has been absolute hell and intercourse hurts. He knows all of this and helps me out a lot but I can't help feel like I'm letting him down.

He often sees me scrolling through this forum sometimes and I was reading about a lady having a hysterectomy, which I mentioned wouldn't be off the cards for me if it got to that point. I've never really been fond of the idea of having children, but this diagnosis is really making me think about it more these days (I'm only 20) but the idea of this really bothered him and I was wondering how best to deal with these sort of conversations.

[Keke123]

I had the similar situation when I was about 20. My boyfriend was great at the time but ended up telling me I was boring in bed and my Dr at the time had told me I couldn't have kids and he ended up breaking up with me over that until his dad told him that he was stupid because he also could be "shooting blanks" as it was said ahaha...

Anyway... having been through it my advice would be to be open to discussing it. I always felt that I found it easier to shut my bf's out from helping and discussing life decisions with me. At the end of the day its your decision but if he is the real deal then he should be a part of the process you know?

Maybe talk about having your eggs frozen just in case you changed your mind or something so the option isn't just a flat no. I never realised it was a big deal to guys but in my experience not having sex was nothing compared to not having kids.

Also as you are so young your Dr will probably not want to do a hysterectomy on you either. I have been battling for about 6-7 years and mentioned it to my Dr in my last appointment as a last resort as I am getting fed up and he refused to have it as an option yet as it doesn't always fix it and also it makes you old very fast. Bones become brittle, and you get a high risk of multiple side effects and he just made it very clear it wasn't worth it yet so keep trying other options as I am sure they are worth it

[xximilixx in reply to Keke123]

It's driving me insane! With the constant bleeding I probably manage to have sex about once a month, and although we've been together almost two years, with how little I'm actually able to participate it's no wonder I'm 'boring' in bed because I haven't had much of Ann opportunity too even explore much 😩😂

He's definitely the real deal, I'm more so worried about the added pressure of other people, because society naturally expects you to have children, I've always had a bad response when telling people I don't want kids they've always replied "oh you will later on." But I guess at least now that there's a possibility I can't then it's something to bring up.

Definitely not considering this any time soon but Just having one of those days where I'm so annoyed I Just want to rip it all out and be done with it 😩

[tmc182 in reply to Keke123]

Can I ask how old you are please? I am 35, been going through this for the past 10 years. Having Prostap at the moment which is great, and hoping my gynae agrees to a hysterectomy. I have kids and have been sterilised, but worried I'm too young! Thanks.

[Keke123 in reply to tmc182]

Are you asking me my age tmc182? If so I am 26. I have been battling with endo since I was about 14/15 but was diagnosed at 20. I am currently on Zoladex so at a similar point to you treatment wise and mine is also working great so I know I will be put on this long(ish) term before my next option. I am sure if you want it enough you would be able to get one, I think just from what my gynae said was 26 is just too young to make that move with the osteoporosis side and esp as I have no kids etc.

[tmc182 in reply to Keke123]

Yes I was asking you. Thank you for the info. It seems each gynae has their own opinion which makes it tough to get an idea from others experience. But yes I would assume my situation would be considered different to yours being 10 years older and having had kids. I've been kind of hoping the complete family is the key and the reason I got sterilised during my last lap was to show I was dead certain I had done having kids despite not reaching 40!! Good luck to you and thanks for taking the time to answer.

[tmc182]

I would say talk to your boyfriend. It is difficult and the should we have kids talk at 19 and 2 years in to a relationship will always be a scary one, but at the end of the day if you are both at complete opposite ends of the spectrum it is best to know that sooner rather than later. As women we do tend to think it's our body, it's up to us, but for some men having kids is very important and that does need to be a consideration. Would you want to spend another 1, 2 or 5 years to then split up over something you already now is a massive issue that you are both burying under the carpet? But also consider do you not want kids because of all the gynae trouble you have, or do you genuinely not want kids? As you may change your mind, of course you may not. Will one or the other end up resenting the situation you are in, which is never good for a healthy relationship. I hope you can find a resolution to your situation, good luck.