I need relationship advice please... - Endometriosis UK

Endometriosis UK
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I need relationship advice please...

Buttoon
Buttoon
28 Replies

...but I'm not sure who I can talk to. I've posted briefly about this before but I really don't know what to do any more.

I keep having times where I am loved up and can imagine marrying my boyfriend, and then days (like at present) where I don't want to be around him :'( It's just awful. It's a few years younger than me, and without meaning to sound harsh - he's very emotionally young too. When in this current mood all I can think about is things that really annoy me. I have a daughter and sometimes I feel like I have two children. He doesn't live with us and I don't want him to. He is here around half of a week visiting but I get annoyed at his lack of input at mine (he still lives with his folks!)

But then when I'm feeling loved up about him, I think I'm lucky to have him as he really is very sweet. Afterall, who would want an old single Mum (who is now currently going through the menopause - Prostap).

I've been logging my 'down' times and was hoping it was a monthly thing (I don't get a period as on the pill), just checked and the last time it started around 6th July so that's around 6 weeks ago so don't think it's that.

I need to talk to someone. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? Is it the endo doing this to me? Is it the relationship (many times I have thought we're not right for each other). It's really, really getting me down now and I don't know what to do :'( Please help.

28 Replies
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Buttoon

*He's a few years younger, not it - oops :/

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Janine33

It sounds like you're feeling quite down about things at the moment, when you say "Afterall, who would want an old single Mum (who is now currently going through the menopause - Prostap)" it sounds as if you're saying that even if you are dissatisfied in the relationship you will put up with it because you feel you don't deserve better.

Maybe a good thing to do would be to consider the ways having him in your life improves it. Then compare these positives to the negatives, are the negatives actually just niggles or are they major things? Is he generally supportive? X

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Buttoon
Buttoon
in reply to Janine33

He is supportive but I feel like I'm going out with a teenager/kid most of the time, I'm 37 and I don't know if I can do it any more :(

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Janine33
Janine33
in reply to Buttoon

Can you give examples? X

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Buttoon

For example yesterday: he got in a mood, like a serious mood because my daughter had swapped the heads around on her Lego! He was really sulky and silly about it, like a child. He blows up really quickly, just like a toddler would. Like he's not very emotionally mature :(

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Hidden
Hidden

Sounds to me like you're under it, been there and have the same with my husband and kiddo she's 5. It's probably hormonal but I'd have a chat to your GP too as the feeling of not coping or you've had enough can be pretty serious when you're constantly poorly... If you can't find a way to make it go away then Deffo chat to your gp. I'm on citalorpram and it helps stop the negative thinking but hasn't made it all go away. Xxx hugs xxx

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Buttoon
Buttoon
in reply to Hidden

Thanks. I've spoken to my GP two or three times now, about how one minute I'm loved up and the next I want to finish with my boyfriend. So he prescribed a low dosage of citalorpram which I take every morning, to try and help. I think it's helped a bit with my general moods but I'm still getting this bad feelings about my boyfriend. So I'm just thinking, maybe it's not my hormones etc - it's just that we shouldn't be together. So confused right now. I know it would be easier to just carry on as splitting up is a scary and lonely thought, plus my daughter loves him. But this keeps happening and I'm not sure I want a relationship like this :'(

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Buttoon

I think you sound like you've made your mind up. I get that, I have a kiddo myself and can't imagine being the one to kick my husband out and cause the trauma for my little girl. Horrendous. Have you spoken to you BF about how you feel?? Could you maybe take a break and see if it helps? Are you looking into why you feel like this? I mean really digging deep... Is it fear of rejection? Anxiety? Tbf it could be the depression... I have it to and often find I'm thinking they'd be better off without me as I'm a miserable notch and always ill. But then other days I'm loving life. It's a real roller coaster xxx

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Buttoon
Buttoon
in reply to Hidden

I ended it with him last night, and I feel like sh!t :( I don't think I have depression, I have generalised anxiety though. I think my GP described the medication as I said one minute I was loved up and then next I couldn't stand my boyfriend. But if i'm really truthful, I've had doubts from the start but I just went along with it. I feel really, really upset because I am going to miss him - he was my best friend and although he didn't live with us, he was here for 3 or 4 days a week and when not here, we were chatting on line the whole time.

I feel really down and rubbish, but deep down - I think I knew it had to happen.....although I won't be surprised if there comes a time when I regret it :'(

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Buttoon

Hope you're okay. Xx

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Suzywuzy1976

Hi hun, I know exactly how you feel. I'm like that. I was like it with my ex husband. Sometimes feeling as if they get under your skin but haven't really done anything to you. Sometimes I would hate him other times I loved him but not very often hence the reason we split up. I think endo plays a part in this but also you have to go with your own feelings. You need to talk to him, explain how you feel, explain the endo makes your hormones all over. You will only know through facing this together if he is really there for you or not. How long have you been together ? Hope this helps xx

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Buttoon

I finished with him yesterday. We'd been together two years. We've talked about the same stuff time and time again but nothing has changed, this is why I thought I should finish it - else it just keep going on and that's not fair on any one :(

He's a really sweet and loyal guy, but very emotionally immature sadly. I'm approaching 40 and have a daughter, I just can't do it any more.

I feel utterly awful though, even though it was my choice :'(

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Suzywuzy1976

You need time for you hun. I am 40 in 2 weeks, single and have 3 kids. I find it hard to form a relationship. You will feel better in the long run. You need someone to be strong in all aspects to be able to support you in all aspects. Xx

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Buttoon

Thanks. I think that's a big part of it, I would say that 90% I felt like I had two children when really, I would just like someone to look after me from time to time.

I think in the long run, he will be far happier. He is really upset as was also fond of my daughter, but as he's only 31 - he's still young and wants a baby one day but I'm not sure if I want another one....or even if I can. Which I have always told him - last night he admitted that he thought he might be able to change my mind one day. So it's obviously important to him. At least this way, he can meet someone younger and healthier than me xx

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Suzywuzy1976

Some people just don't realise how special you are. You need to be loved. Just because we all have an illness doesn't make up bad people hun. It is hard to find that someone special. I have reached a 3 month love life lol. I have had 3 relationships that lasted 3 months. I have started chatting to one guy though. He seems nice and same age as me. Do you go out much ? Xx

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Buttoon

Thanks :) I don't really, well if I went out - it was with him. Forever trying to arrange nights out with friends but it doesn't seem to happen :( I do roller derby training but been slack on that lately - as my heart just isn't in it. There are lovely girls who I train with though so thinking I need to drag my butt there more often. Trouble being I went to training the other day, after starting Prostap and I had a hot flush/funny turn so had to sit out for most of it :( Very disheartening.

I need to try and get out more, just don't feel it at the mo. I don't go out and work from home so doubt I'll meet anyone else soon! But I think I'm happy with just my lovely daughter and my cat! xx

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Suzywuzy1976

You need to find where your heart is hun. You need something that isn't physically draining but something you really like doing. Where abouts are you ? UK ? Xx

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Buttoon

Don't know what that is though sadly :( I don't really have loads of time either as I have two jobs which I do from home, and a three year old :/

I'm in Devon x

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NurseGladys123

Hi there, I notice you said "prostap" are you having the injections at present, they really do cause mood swings as you are inteferring with your hormone balance...Your doctor should have told you this was a possible side effect..

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Buttoon

Hi caz-54, yeah I am on them now. I started in July then had my second last week. But these mood swings have always been regarding my boyfriend - as in when I'm down/low it's about him and nothing else in my life. It's also been happening for over a year :/

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NurseGladys123

Try to persuade him to go to doctor appt.s with you and give you more support,it's a sad state that some guys have raging hormones they want to share butI fail to understand it's not always how we girls feel.if he,'ll support you thru your difficulty he,s a good en..if not you have to decide if you want continuity in this relationship,sometimes your emotional levels make you feel awful...good luck..

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Buttoon

Thanks, but I've already finished with him :'( Feel utterly awful.

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NurseGladys123

Well done that took guts, I,m sure you will feel empty for a few days, try to change your social life "haunts" so as not to bump into him and be tempted..We girlys do follow or hearts and not or heads sometimes.

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Buttoon

Thanks everyone. Packed some of his bits up today as I get pangs of bad sadness when I see them, was horrible.

I'm all over the place, I think I might be mental. Even though I KNOW we shouldn't be together as there are so many things that irritate me (because he is just too young for me), I am now just feeling really blue as I miss him. Sad that I won't see him any more. Keep thinking of things we've done that were nice. Is this normal? Please can someone tell me it's normal to feel blue like this and it doesn't mean I've made a big mistake by finishing with him?

I hate Prostap that's for sure - hot flushes, period pains etc :(

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Buttoon

Okay, massively having doubts now - regretting it. Thinking I should have asked for a break rather than to just throw it all in :( I should have asked for a break, maybe until after my Prostap/next op and hopefully give him some time to sort himself/his job out.

What have I done? Think I am mental :'(

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Suzywuzy1976

Hun, you're far from mental. You have a disease that makes you all over the place. Did your man support you? Did he fight for you ? Did he tell you he can't live with out you? Does he text you still ? If yes, try again. You just need to be sure of what you want hun. Yes, it's hard, endo and meds messes with your love life but don't go back unless he is willing to understand you and support you. He needs to be a man. Sorry if you think I am out of order. I am just talking from experience hun. I don't mean to offend xx

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Buttoon

No you haven't offended me at all. I am just really grateful to have someone to talk to talk and get advice from.

When he came round and I finished it, he didn't fight. But to be fair, he didn't say much at all. He cried though. We spoke after this and it turns out he said it looked and sounded like I'd had enough and wouldn't be changing my mind. I did pretty much say that :/

We went a couple of days without speaking then I messaged him on Friday - sounds really pathetic/over dramatic but I felt like I couldn't breathe from not speaking to him. I didn't like it. We got talking, I mentioned that it felt like he didn't fight for me. He said he thought it was for the best, that things needed to change. So we've said we'd have time apart and see what happens...and have been chatting ever since. I've said I still want him to collect his stuff and I definitely don't want to go back to how we were. Just hope he can sort his sh!t out too. Hoping this has made him think x

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Suzywuzy1976

I hope so hun. You are worth fighting for hun. Remember that. You need someone strong to support you in every aspect of your life xx it sounds like he has taken time to realise what he needs to do xx

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