What have you done to heal yourself till now?!

[bdeniz]

I am 28 years old and have endometriosis for almost 3 years. For all this time, i start searching about it whenever the symptoms appear and when the symptom s dissapear i forget about my endo. I can tell you honestly that i haven't been capable of taking responsibility of my own being, i am not a responsible, self loving person. i am lacking in self-discipline as well. and i always cut all the treatments in the halfway, like the works ı do; nothing is completed by me. i get easily bored of repetitive things. i can hardly follow a routine for a week. ı read a lot about how to cure, why getting sick. each time i find new things about this disease, about life, about me, physiology, psychology and everything. I've been reading about ayurveda, chinese medicine and other holistic treatments and so on. Yet, ı have never taken this case serious enough as it deserves till the pain around my abdominals and legs got so severe that i could hardly walk; weak legs and aching cervic wouldnt let me even stand straight; and my energy has got so less. at this point, reading books and articles about endo or human health is also tiring (but i keep doing it), my mind is exploding, it is so vast, full of information, so vast that i constantly get lost or distracted or switch from one topic to another without fully learning. And i am also a little panicked since my symptoms got severe so i read all those in a rush, unfortunately. ı dont want surgery, i want to heal myself, i believe it is possible. all these years, of course i have many lifestyle changes gradually. but, i could never manage to put all those i've theoratically learnt in a serious, disciplined, self-caring way cuz i am LAZY. ı am too lazy to act and take responsibility. I do everything in the last minute. i have found out that acupuncture may help reduce the pain and even help with the healing process, but i havent still called the therapist to get an appointment. Something in me is resisting all the time. As i start learning the meaning of what love is, and love comes with caring and caring is simply feeling responsible, I saw how hateful or careless i am against myself. How can i be a mother if i cant even take care of that little baby who is meant to be me. i am a baby, i need care and love. how can i close my ears to that constantly crying baby? laziness is the anti-disciplined, it is what makes me drag away from the right path and blocking me, keeping me away from a fulfilling life with achievements. when i postpone anything, i am not living in the moment, simply blocking myself. So, why do i still RESİST? i need to get a routine, be persistent and most importantly i need to become a nourishing mother to myself. May the holy spirit help me and those like me. Please share your thoughts and the selfhealing methods that you've tried so far. Best wishes for all