Effect of Endometriosis on Marriage

Hi Ladies,

I really need some help. My husband and I have been going through a very long 'dry spell' - in short, he won't come near me.

I know he loves me but he says he sees me as a patient, thanks to this filthy disease! (I am severe stage 4 with a bicornuate uterus, dermoid cyst on right ovary, endometrioma on left, hydrosalpinx in left tube and a frozen pelvis)

I go monthly to the hospital to have injections of Decapeptyl to keep me in menopause and in short, I'm more pain free than I have ever been. We've tried IVF once and it didn't work.

We have just come back from a lovely week away together and we even renewed our wedding vows - but, just 3 days later I find he has opened up a Profile on a dating website. This isn't the first time either, I found he had done the same thing when we were going through IVF last year.

I love him so much, but he just doesn't view me 'sexually' anymore, despite me telling him over and over I still want him and not to view me like a patient. He says he feels we have been getting on better than ever and he is trying to find his way back to me, and viewing women on these sites was his way of trying to get that spark back between us (?!?)

Have any of you ladies experienced similar thanks to this disease takin over our bodies? He has seen me in some terrible States, not least haemorrhaging. He has seen things no husband should ever see.

I can't imagine my life without him but I feel worthless.

Tia xx

5 Replies

  • Hi - I just looked at your previous post which was 2 years ago. You have severe rectovaginal endo that should be dealt with in a specialist endo centre. The consultant you saw before doesn't sound like he was in a specialist centre as consideration would have been given to freeing up your frozen pelvisby surgery, which is complex but can be done. What area of the UK are you in?

  • Hi, thanks for your reply. I do now have a Specialist Endo Consultant, thank you.. In fact I see him on Friday. My case is complicated. My question was relating to how it affects people's marriages xx

  • My husband divorced me after 31 years on grounds of unreasonable behaviour for ruining his life with endo and not giving him sex. The point I was making is that the best way to save a relationship is to ensure you are getting the right treatment. There are probably only around two BSGE specialist surgeons in the country that could tackle these sorts of complications by skilled dissection/excision but if you are already with one of them then you will be in the best hands.

  • My reply has nothing to do with endo at all but me and my hubby (well were not married 12 years together so I hate to say boyfriend lol )

    We have a child together who is age 11 so I fell pregnant soon into the relationship , anyways cut long story short , after birth I suffered horrendously with depression where by he had to work look after baby and me , he often said its not like being with a partner but a patient and im your carer.

    I hated hearing this and I know he meant no malice in saying or expressing how he felt , this lasted 2 years , we had no sexual activity at all during this time and once I was better within myself he found it hard to look at me in this way .

    I myself struggled to want anything that way anyway as well I guess it had just been so long I wasn't interested .

    He used to watch an awful lot of "rude" stuff and chat to women online , never met them and it wasn't crude just general flirtation really ... I used to say why can you feel the need to watch that but not come to me , he found it hard to explain but just said it was like he was nervous to express himself in that way with me now and found his way easier ... I then took to chatting online to men again no crudeness just childish flirting ..... from this we would both chat about our "chats" and watch the odd bit off rude stuff together and id say after about 6 months we were back to the bedroom :)

    So as much as I felt hurt by what he was initially doing I then joined in we spoke openly about it grew confident with each other and the spark came back .

    Many friends of mine would be telling me to get rid but when your both in love its not that easy and its worth working at , until in that situation I don't think anyone can understand .

    Lol my reply has prob been of no use what so ever , but atleast you know were hearing you :) xx

  • Sharon, your reply has been of more help than you could know, thank you!!

    Kindle, I'm so sorry to hear this 😕 I am open about wanting sex with my husband but he just can't seem to get past seeing me as a patient.

    Thank you both so much for your input xx

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