surely this is not normal!

I have just got back from a friends bbq and those 4 hours spent there were some of the worst 4 hours ever!

I had an argument with my husband (about the stupid ashes cricket - seriously how long do these games last for!) so I had to go on my own (as he wouldn't leave until the cricket broke for lunch - yes seriously!) (he is usually very supportive).

I tried to explain to him before that I didn't really want to go as I knew it would be full of friends with all their kids but thought I would go as she is a close friend and I tend to shut myself away and only see a handful of friends.

Surely it is not normal to have this much anxiety over going to a bbq though and then burst into tears when u get home. I walked into that house (thankfully I bumped into my really close friend so didn't have to walk in on my own) and it was all just too much. I wanted to walk straight back out but didn't because how can u explain that and expect others to understand.

I just feel like I have nothing in common with these friends anymore because I don't have children - they don't know what to say to me because they're so use to kiddy talk that it's just so awkward. I guess I should be thankful that no one asked me about the children situation (as I know they're all dying to) (I'm a stage 4 ends sufferer but finally at the IVF stage (when my period arrives which could take months as just finished the injections but anyway at least we are getting somewhere) - my friends aren't stupid though - I mean if u haven't got kids at this stage then it's obvious there is something wrong). What I would have loved to do was quiet everyone down and tell them my sorry story so that maybe that'll stop the awkwardness and I'll be treated normally. But then I'll probably get the pity stares.

I never use to feel like this, before we started trying for kids, I wouldn't have agonised for days over whether to go to this bbq, I would have enjoyed catching up with friends but now everything is different and you know what it sucks 😂

People say that when u go thru stuff like this you really know who your close friends are and I think that's right, I certainly don't think I can put myself in that situation again which is sad as means I'm missing out on stuff but i can't be left feeling like this after each event/activity.

Sorry for the rant just feel like I needed to unleash, off to watch a bit of Big Bang theory which should cheer me up and eat a shed load of chocolate! Thanks for listening xxx

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  • Hey I know how you feel! All my friends have children now and I feel I have so much less in common with them, even my very oldest friends! They know we have been trying for years and in that same time most of them now have 2! Of course I don't begrudge them their families and amreally happy for them but it can take it's toll emotionally at times! All the different events and occasions where everyone else is surrounded by children! My oldest friend has just given birth to her second and she said she didn't want to make a big deal out of it around me as she knows we are having trouble! I felt so bad! We are about to start the Ivf journey too, I'm havin a lap and dye in a week so hopefully can begin very soon!

    I really hope you are successful with your ivf treatment too, and having been through all that when you do finally have children it will make it extra special!

    Xx

  • Thanks for taking the time to message me. That's what I love about this forum, it helps to know others are out there feeling the same as me and it also allows us to vent when we want/need too. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I also wouldn't have wished it on us either - it sucks that we have this and that it's a struggle for us to have children but hopefully we will get there and like u say those children will be all the more precious.

    It can be really hard at times seeing our friends with what we want and it can be hard to explain how we feel to our friends. Your friend sounds like she's a good friend to have, thinking about your feelings at a very exciting time for her.

    Good luck with your lap, I had one in March (my second) and have been lucky to bounce back from them both really quickly. Just rest up, watch a load of trashy telly and enjoy being waited on for a bit - it makes a change to be on the other foot!

    I might be a little ahead of u (although my IVF won't start until I get my period so u might overtake me!) but I'm here if u have any questions xxx

  • Wow our days yesterday were so similar. You have my complete understanding. I also had to go to a bbq yesterday where pretty much everyone else was either pregnant or had at least one small child with them. I came home feeling really down and like a complete failure. I too have stage 4 endo and had surgery a few months ago. Recovering from it has been so hard. We've got our first ivf appointment this week and it just makes me feel worse when I know I should be feeling positive. I think the most cruel bit is that this is so isolating. It's very hard for others to understand. I try and keep busy and positive but sometimes the whole thing is just so overwhelming.

    I really hope you're having a better day today. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and a virtual hug.

    Emxx

  • Thanks for taking the time to message me. We sound like we are on a very similar path. Like u I try to remain positive and keep myself busy so as not to dwell on it to much. I generally don't usually let it get to me but yesterday was just too much for me to handle.

    It can be such an isolating illness so I love that this forum is there for us to talk to others in the same boat and allows us to vent.

    When I told my family and friends that we had finally reached the IVF stage they were so excited for us and like u I was just worried and scared but after that first appt I did come out feeling lighter - I mean this is where we have been trying to get to for so long but there is so much to take in and it sounds so complicated and it might not work, all these things we have to factor in but we are here and I think that in itself is something to get excited about because there was a point in this nightmare that I really didn't think we would get here. So I think u should go into that appt with positive thoughts, yes it's daunting and scary but this might get us what we've wanted for so long and surely that's worth getting a little excited about! Please let me know how u get on xxx

  • Thank you so much. You're right I do need to feel positive. I guess I really feel the pressure with it as we only get one go at it :-/ I understand what you mean that just occasionally it gets too much. Well tomorrow's the start of a new week so that's as good a reason as any to wake up feeling positive! Thanks for the support and I'll let you know how it goes. Goid luck to you too with it all.

    Exx

  • Hey Emma,

    Just wondering how you got on at your first IVF appointment?

    Do you know when you can start? xx

  • Hey hun. Thanks for your message. Sadly my hormone tests came back too low for us to be accepted for our funded attempt. We're looking into the possibility of doing it privately and looking at adoption too. I'm a bit unsure about where to go from here so we're just going to take a bit of time to look at all our options. How are you? How's it all going? Emx