I have just got back from a friends bbq and those 4 hours spent there were some of the worst 4 hours ever!
I had an argument with my husband (about the stupid ashes cricket - seriously how long do these games last for!) so I had to go on my own (as he wouldn't leave until the cricket broke for lunch - yes seriously!) (he is usually very supportive).
I tried to explain to him before that I didn't really want to go as I knew it would be full of friends with all their kids but thought I would go as she is a close friend and I tend to shut myself away and only see a handful of friends.
Surely it is not normal to have this much anxiety over going to a bbq though and then burst into tears when u get home. I walked into that house (thankfully I bumped into my really close friend so didn't have to walk in on my own) and it was all just too much. I wanted to walk straight back out but didn't because how can u explain that and expect others to understand.
I just feel like I have nothing in common with these friends anymore because I don't have children - they don't know what to say to me because they're so use to kiddy talk that it's just so awkward. I guess I should be thankful that no one asked me about the children situation (as I know they're all dying to) (I'm a stage 4 ends sufferer but finally at the IVF stage (when my period arrives which could take months as just finished the injections but anyway at least we are getting somewhere) - my friends aren't stupid though - I mean if u haven't got kids at this stage then it's obvious there is something wrong). What I would have loved to do was quiet everyone down and tell them my sorry story so that maybe that'll stop the awkwardness and I'll be treated normally. But then I'll probably get the pity stares.
I never use to feel like this, before we started trying for kids, I wouldn't have agonised for days over whether to go to this bbq, I would have enjoyed catching up with friends but now everything is different and you know what it sucks 😂
People say that when u go thru stuff like this you really know who your close friends are and I think that's right, I certainly don't think I can put myself in that situation again which is sad as means I'm missing out on stuff but i can't be left feeling like this after each event/activity.
Sorry for the rant just feel like I needed to unleash, off to watch a bit of Big Bang theory which should cheer me up and eat a shed load of chocolate! Thanks for listening xxx