Hanging on hope

[Hope2heal]

Ivf 11dpt 3dt

Cramps and spotting yesterday

Intense cramps and heavy spotting today

Blood test tomo- I'm clinging on to hope

Feeling so numb

[Breathe]

Hi my love - I'm so sorry you feel this way. I'm a yoga teacher with endo. Try this to lift your heart & spirits x

Sit in a comfy chair, tall spine. Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your womb space, belly.

Set a timer for 3 mins. Do this now and every night/ day.( 3 mins is just 1 song length)

Inhale and send breath into heart (chest) & womb (belly)- like how a baby breathes ( belly grows big as u inhale) , in your mind see the inhale as being a filled with little bit of love, light. So your sending u self love to hand on chest ( heart) and to hand in belly ( womb)

Now exhale flatten your belly and see the exhale as thick black smoke, the tension , toxins, dissapointments, mourning, negativity leaving your womb and heart.

Repeat: Again inhale see white light, love, warmth, care, being implanted into your womb & heart. It wants to be there.

See your womb being prepared as a home space. And your heart getting sweeter, happier ( even if you can't believe, connect , keep at it)

On the exhale - your allowing fear, tension, hurt, failed-feelings, to leave you - you see it as thick black smoke. And it's leaving you - to be replaced by white loving inhales. That are healing your womb and making it a home, that you love.

Do this slowly - for 3 mins.

After this, when ever you are waiting in a que, or at traffic lights, waiting for anything, put your hand on your womb and say , " my womb is strong, beautiful home" even if you don't believe it, your low, tired etc, say it, as much as you can. Put a post-it on the fridge. Say it everytime to you - that you open the fridge.

Buy Louise grines 15 min yoga dcd, do that 3 times per week. Read dian mills key to nutrition.

Big love & hug - keep going - your going to be just fine - have faith - keep going - these are powerful. I wish for you to have everything you want to have x believe x

[Hope2heal in reply to Breathe]

Hi Breathe

How profound ur advice is...I found out yesterday the results were negative...but I would like to say that since my teens whenever I was in a shower I would find myself in this position one hand on my heart the other on my womb...many things happened since that beautiful time of innocence that has perhaps reprogrammed this sacred reflex...I am a natural person so the drugs for endo and ivf has gone against much of what I believe in...and perhaps therein lies the problem...I trusted it would work because it made sense...I can't mentally or emotionally go to "the possible reasons of why it didn't work" but I can write it down... I had a fight with my fiance I very slowly hiked a hill I felt fluish and sat in the wind I didn't truly believe enough my faith wasn't enough I'm a sinner I don't deserve it I didn't Go for a swim in the sea with my dad I forgot to read st Josephs prayer on the last night I didn't wear my beads I was tired and didn't drive to my acupuncturist on the scheduled day I didn't do any yoga I ate pearlemoen I didn't meditate enough I dipped the dogs I picked up something heavy I didn't tell any of my friends I didn't tell my friends at work...I'm not sure if I'm numb or if the holy spirit is literally holding all my pieces together but it feels like I could defragment any second....the day before I officially found out I knew...that was the day I posted hanging onto hope ....but I knew....that day I howled and howled and howled from the very core of my being iv never felt such deep pain...I crossed my palm telling God I cannot do this again - as I'm sure you know with endo its double edged on the drugs it supressess ovulation and therefore ur period therefore endo doesn't grow...but it taxes ur liver and I feel it fries your egg reserve as it puts u in a state of menopause....(the latter is my opinion not a fact) but i decided to do it to free my pelvic cavity from the giant growths that strain my internal organs and give my womb space (which is apparently perfect) to be healthy so it can house the little embies....so it didn't work for whatever reason...the soul knew best it didn't want to incarnate...I can't argue with that...my desire is futile against what is written I accept that. So what I mean by I cannot do this again is that my endo grows rapidly when I'm off the drugs...I'm a teacher I can't afford to be absent 2 days of every month-i bloat up looking 5 months pregnant and the irony is everyone looks at my belly and smiles I know they think I'm preg they always do....so on the drugs there's no pain no period but huge hormonal imbalance and well I feel like an alien in my own skin its no way quality if life...so endo rules....a baby in my womb would have suppressed it so radically that I would be able to start a fresh with my little being eating healthy organic food eliminatin most evils in everyday food water lotions etc...now the ivf hormones have more than likely caused endo to flair up again....and now I'm not sure what to do my plan b was never thought out because i was told during the sensitive time of the ivf cycle that I was thinking too much...I want to be the wild womN who runs with the wolves and celebrates menses by howling at the moon but i t has become the biblical curse now I need to liberate myself and empower myself and accept with grace that which I cannot change....the joke is I'm always told I get whatci want...and in a way I do...if always asked and thought the universe really listens and with many many things in my life it has but this-this is the one thing iv prayed begged cried and propositioned for and it doesn't come....I guess that's telling me something perhaps what I don't want to hear...but sometimes we can't change the answer.

[DSan in reply to Hope2heal]

Hi, I couldn't have put it better. My cycle has failed again, 2nd time, period started yesterday and was in full flow by late afternoon. The anguish and hurt I felt yesterday is indescribable. I had decided in my mind that this would be it. No more. Can't do this anymore. i was at peace with myself at last after 8years of trying to conceive again. Then, I spoke with my husband who I thought would feel the same. He wants to try again, doesn't want to live the rest of his life thinking what if ...

Now I'm back there in that zone of anguish and torment and worry. I'll be turning 42 this month. Don't know what to do.

[Hope2heal in reply to DSan]

I'm so sorry to hear ur story you are an enormously brave woman...it is heartbreaking all I can say is listen to your heart and soul have faith in god may you find peave on this journey and may ur womb be blessed with the miracle of life -incarnatus est et spiritus

[DSan in reply to Hope2heal]

Thank you Hope2health.

Wishing an end to this torment and a life of peace and happiness to all xxx

[Tboag]

Good morning to you both, I would just like to say a very big good luck, my heart really does go out to you lovely ladies that are struggling so hard to stay strong,

Xxx