What more can I do...?

[Kforkat]

Hi all

Been an Endo sufferer for 15 years now. Had 14 laparoscopy's, 2 open surgeries and a hysterectomy and I'm worse now than ever before! I am a single mum to 2 gorgeous girls, I work full time and I'm in a fairly new relationship but I'm feeling like I can't cope anymore

I've had today off work as I couldn't get clothes on this morning due to the pain and swelling I don't think I'm going to be able to work tomorrow either. I'm just so sad all the time now, I try to put a smile on while the kids are around me but they even know now that I can't really enjoy doing things with them. I miss going on the trampoline with them, I miss the big tight cuddles with them. I miss me!

[mrschuckles]

Hello, I'm sorry you have had so much suffering. Have you had excision surgery? It doesn't sound like they have got all the endo, or you may have adhesions. Who are you seeing? X

[miannach]

Hi Kforkat. I'm so sorry you're in such a bad place, I've been off my work too this week for the same reason, ain't nothing with a waistband going near me these last 3 days.

Maybe it would be worth speaking to your gp about how low the pain is making you feel all the time. There are pain clinics around the country, have you heard/used one? I haven't but I understand they can be really helpful and there are courses too in helping people cope with chronic pain. I imagine your gp would know what's available in your area. I realise you've dealt with this a long time so there's a good possibility you already know this but just in case you know?

My thoughts and big hugs go out to you. Xx

[givemeananswer]

Hi Kforkat,

Wow 14 laporoscopies! Well you've got me beat. But I know where you're coming from. I am 50 years old now and this friggin disease won't let up. I know my kids childhoods could have been so much better. Being that I had to eventually give up work, my husband had to be the sole income provider which meant he was never around, his job took him on the road. So my kids even though they are grown now, they don't understand that that was a sacrifice he made for the good of the household. They resent him for not being there. And I get all the glory when it really was my fault.

The pain made me angry or the anger made me have more pain not sure which. I had a horrible boss who put so much stress on me I think it was what did me in. Then our house was robbed so we got a dog. I was the worst candidate for adopting a dog, didn't know anything about them. This dog and I did not work together. She ate the interior of my car, she would run at me when I would play fetch and take me down, I was not equipped to deal. My husband smoked at the time, the dog would eat his cigarettes if he left them in the car. Eventually the dog bit my husband and with small children we could not have her around.

I am much better with dogs today after that one we got a chocolate lab, sweet as can be we called her Nana because she took care of me and was so gentle. She would cuddle my cold feet and lay with me in bed all the time.Fetch my slippers for me. She hated aggression and would bolt when my husband raised his voice. She lived 12 years until her liver gave out. During the time we got a second dog a handful at first but because of Nana she got much better. Now we have her and as of nearly three years, another, this ones quite a character I love her so much. She's two faced, half white half black and with a personality to match, she can be a loner then in the morning you wake up and find her snuggled up to you, so cute.

My husband is still gone all the time and now our son lives in the UK and is planning to marry there next year. I miss him like crazy. My daughter still lives at home for now but she's soon to be 22 so I know it will only be a short while longer. I'm at a point where now that this pain has returned and the doctors don't seem to want to help me I am questioning how important my role in life is anymore. But no matter what we all love one another. Neither of my children ever wants to have children of their own, who could blame them we didn't exactly set the right example. And not having a family when ideally that was the only feat I had in life being I never had a career I am feeling rather lost at this phase in my life.

I know this isn't lifting you up out of your predicament, and although I can empathize and sympathize, really what good does that do. All's I can do is let you know, you are not alone. There are others out there who are suffering like us, so why not share in the sorrow. Isn't that what a forums for?

We're at the point where we've done all we can, right, I mean I still have my ovaries which I guess now that I'm 50 it wouldn't hurt so much to let those go now too. I've eliminated all the potential food sources that can cause havoc that takes a lot of enjoyment out of life. I'm not willing to take chemo for a temporary bandage solution that comes at a high cost on my health. There is no cure, and know I'm feeling other organs starting to become effected. I think it's negligent who the medical community fobs us off. But what can we possibly do about it. I agree wholeheartedly with you.

[Kforkat]

Thanks for your comments guys, it's strange because knowing you are not alone brings comfort in a strange way. I am sorry to hear of your sufferings too. I am riddled with adhesions too which obviously do not help. Every operation I have had they have fixed the adhesions but they soon return. I have not been to a pain clinic but my doctors & every doctors I've been too have just made me feel like it's in my head and offered me anti-depressants.

I cannot give up work as I am alone with my 2 girls and have no savings I am only 29.

Just sucks!

[CharlieSays in reply to Kforkat]

Are you seeing an endo specialist, or just your average gynae? It may help you to be referred, if not. I know anti-depressants are not the answer long-term, but I have foound they can help you to get back on an even keel, when you're feeling hopeless. I believe your GP can also refer you for counselling if you think it might help to talk to someone who is not closely involved. Whatever you do, you're never alone on here!