Baby or dream job? So fed up and confused!

[points94]

I apologise in advice for my long winded post but I am feeling very alone at the minute and need some advice from my fellow endo sufferers!

I am due to start my job as a veterinary assistant on the 20th of this month and my partner and I are currently TTC. Everything felt like it was falling in to place, new job, excited at the thought of possibly being a mum one day and we are also searching for a new home together.

However, this morning I had a phone call from another vets offering me an interview for a trainee nurse role (something I always wanted to do when I left college a year ago!) but I gave up on that dream when I knew my best chances of conceiving would be now while I'm in my early 20's as I am dying to be a mum.

I could not turn down this opportunity though and I accepted an interview for next Wednesday. If I am lucky enough to be offered the position, I will be in a big pickle!

The college training does not start until next September and is 2 years long therefore I will not be a qualified vet nurse for almost another 3 years. Meaning trying to have a baby within this time would be totally impractical.

Baby or dream job? That is the question!

In an ideal world I would grab the nursing opportunity and try for a baby in 3 years when I'm qualified however I do not even know if I have 3 years of being fertile left! My endometriosis is severe and extensive and I can feel it getting worse every month

In all honestly it's been 5 months since my last operation and I'm not entirely sure that I can have children at all with how I'm feeling now. It feels like it's spreading everywhere and back then my Fallopian tubes were the only things untouched by the endo which is why I was told I would still be fertile!

How do I know they are still okay unless I have another op which would take months to happen...

I know you are probably thinking I should not be worrying about this unless I get offered the nursing job, however if I do, I will only have a couple of days to make a decision on which job to take and which path to go down!

I want a baby more than anything...

Any help or shared experiences will be much appreciated!

X

[michelle86]

I guess your second to last sentence says it all, you want a baby more than anything.

I know lots of people who have had babies while part way through a uni or college course, its tough but not impossible. Maybe you could deffer a year if you got pregnant once you'd started?

Also, for even young healthy couples with no fertility issues it can take up to a year to get pregnant. Putting life on hold while you try to conceive is likely to make both you and your partner more stressed about it, and that could make it harder to conceive.

My fiancé and I hadnt planned on babies so soon (getting married next year) but have decided to try to conceive now, as we dont want to risk my endo getting worse and reducing chances of having a baby. Its a tough decision to make, and luckily for us we're in a good financial position to afford a baby.

only you and your partner can make this decision. I would advise if you haven't already, make sure he understands as much as possible about your endo, and what the effect of it may or may not be on your fertility. That way you can both make an informed decision.

[points94 in reply to michelle86]

Thank you for your reply! My partner is very understanding about my condition and wants me to do whatever makes me happy, I just wish I knew what that was! I would love to take the nursing job as well as keep TTC but the annoying thing is not knowing if the job would still be open for me after taking a year out :/

I guess everything happens for a reason and things will come together soon!

Good luck to you and your partner and I hope you concieve soon

[michelle86 in reply to points94]

If you took some time out of the course and completed it after baby was born, is that likely to make you more employable? As you'd have the extra qualification so could maybe use it at a different vets?

[points94 in reply to michelle86]

Yes that is what I would try to do however I'm guessing it is down to whether the employer will take me back on and continue to pay for me to do the course as I cannot afford to do it alone. That's the great thing about this job! They would pay for it all for me whilst paying me to work. I think I am going to keep trying to conceive regardless and just see what happens as legally I cannot get fired for becoming pregnant. Wish me luck!

[michelle86 in reply to points94]

Good luck. Id hope theyd keep you on and continue your course for you. Two of the ladies at my work were doing a work based degree (paid for by their employer) which was 4yrs and had babies part way through and were able to continue when they came back from mat leave.

[endopains]

I would say yes to everything because you don't know what's going to happen. Congratulations on being offered this job that's amazing. You could take 3 years to concieve, you could take 6 years, you could take 6 months. They can't be cross if you get pregnant. I told my employer that I was told I couldn't have children, which was true, so I didn't see it happening. Then he was almost as excited as me. Despite being rather obviously annoyed. The most important purpose for me in life was to be a mother. It doesn't mean I never wanted a career I tried so hard to get one. I see it that once I've had all my babies I can have my hysterectomy and then go career. There's so much we can't know though. Go for it!! Keep your mind busy while you're ttc xxx

[points94 in reply to endopains]

Thank you I will continue to try and just see what happens on the job front! Being a mum is the most important thing to me! X

[endoandlost]

This is definitely a tough choice to make, but the way I see it is that you have to try to imagine how you'll feel in the future. Would you be able to be happy years down the road without ever being able to have a biological child? If that's the kind of thought that devestates you, then don't wait to have a baby. You have your entire life to advance in your career, just because you would be a mom doesn't mean you can't still persue dreams. You may have to wait until your kid is older and until you can afford the schooling on your own, but you don't have to give up on it entirely once you're a parent. It might make it harder but it doesn't make it impossible. Personally I would go for the job, and still try to conceive, because you never know what will happen.

[points94 in reply to endoandlost]

Thank you so much for the reply. That's definitely what I'm going to do. It really would devestate me if I found out in a couple of years that I missed my chance to concieve x

[endoandlost in reply to points94]

Best of luck! I'm in the middle of making a very similar choice, and that's basically what it comes down to for me as well Plus, you never know, you might get the job, get pregnant, and your employer could be incredibly understanding.