I cant cope any longer

Im tired, im really, really tired. I've always been quite a strong person, well let's not say strong because that's not entirely true. I've been a complete mess when it comes to pain but the emotional side of things I've been able to handle really well, that is until today. I don't even know where to start but let's try from here.. I had my second laparoscapy on the 6th April, endometriosis was found all over my ovaries, womb etc . so the endo was lasered off. This time it was worse than the first time, when it was only found on my left ovary. So anyway, the couple weeks leading up to the op my two best friends were very supportiveand uunderstanding that I was petrified. But then things changed, it seems that they think just because the op is over that I should be jumping about pain free swinging from the lights and what not. When in reality I'm crippled still. I cant even stand upright, I look like the hunchback of notredamme (not sure of spelling) when I walk. One friend keeps asking if she can come over so we can hang out, truth it I don't want to see her, all I want is my amazing fiancee and my mum. We thought two weeks would be enough for me to get back on my feet so my dad took the first week off work to look after me and my fiancee took the 2nd week off. We are now into week three and im no better, as I said.. So my partners brother has had to make the 40 minute drive for three days just to come and take my dog out cos I can't do it. Tomorrow my partners mum is coming to "babysit" me. If she wasn't to do that I'd be alone from 6am-9pm as partner has overtime at work then a meeting after which can't be canceled. My mum and dad are away on holiday this week and will be back Friday night. I cant wait!! I miss them so much. So yeah, mum in law to be is coming tomorrow as I was saying, im really worried about it though, although she is one of the people who have been here almost all the way through and totally understands, I feel like I won't be able to stay awake to talk to her and I dont want her to be bored. What do I do? I do really need her here with me. Today I have completely broke down, I have cried so much and my amazing fiancee has been perfect. I feel awful that he is having to do everythingII for me. I feel awful that my brother in law had to come to walk my dog three days in a row. I feel awful that my mother in law is having to babysit me and do the dog duties tomorrow. What if I break down the in front of her? I'm lost. My friends are being completely rubbish at the time I need them most and my mum n dad aren't here. I just dont know what to do. And now I'm thinking that anyone reading this will be bored to death and thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl . sorry it has been a long post and its completely all over the place and probaby makes no sense but please, if anyone can help me to stop feeling so sad please do. Xxx

18 Replies

  • Sweetheart, you are anything but lost. You have an amazon family and are lucky enough to be marrying into an equally amazing family. You just can't see the wood for the trees at the minute because you're understanably stressed out by the aftermath of the surgery and the pain you are experiencing. Trust me though, your mum in law to be is coming down for the day to be entertained! She's knows your getting over surgery and if you need to dose off I'm sure she'll be perfectly happy amusing here'd with a magazine or doing the dishes or taking the dog for a walk.... She loves you, and she won't be expecting you to have to 'work' she's going there to support you, not the other way round.

    You'll get there, two weeks is a very short period of time to recover form major surgery I don't care what any one says. If it was just a couple of wee nodules fair enough but you had a lot of work done and your body has a lot of healing to do. Let it, and don't stress yourself out in the meantime, easier said than done. But just think about how strongly the ties of yor new family are bonding around you and your fiancé, what a wonderful thing to have starting off your life as a married couple.



  • I think this is all pretty normal stuff to be feeling, well I've felt it and still feeling it and I'm five weeks post lap. I totally understand when you say people think you should be back to normal, I've been in far more daily pain since my lap, I'm not back to work properly only doing a few hours a week as I simply can't do it. My emotions are so up and down, partly because I'm not sleeping properly due to a UTI I've had since the lap which they didn't even know til last week and am on second lot of anti biotics for it. I also think I'm stressing about lack of money, my little wage did help, and now were counting the days til my husbands pay day.

    Before my lap I was suspected of having endo, everybody I talked to hadn't heard of it and so I never knew anybody who had it, yet now I'm diagnosed with it it seems everyone I knows seems to know someone who's either had it or has it, and I get the comments that somebody had that but they dint get pain etc etc, or I get the oh ye they had it and had their hysterectomy and now it's all sorted. I'm fed up of trying to justify myself as to why I don't want my ovaries removed yet.

    So don't worry, you didn't bore me to death lol, you made me feel that I was normal feeling like this, I too, worry about others helping me but I'm sure they wouldn't do it if they didn't want to - if you want to chat just message me xx

  • The girsl are right. It has not been long at all since your lap, and although it looks like not a lot of damage because you have tiny external scars, the damage done inside will have been tremendous. It does a lot to your body. Let yourself heal and perhaps take a minute to enjoy the people who are clearly devoted to you and be proud of yourself. Becuase they do it not because they are good people, but because you are a good person worth doing it for. xx

  • Theres a few things I need to tell you....

    Firstly, being in dreadful pain two weeks after having endo lasered is perfectly normal. I've had five laps and have taken at least 4 weeks off work after each one. There are people who recover super fast, but most people don't so you're not alone there.

    Secondly, many people suffer from a sudden onset of depression a couple of weeks after surgery - you are most definitely not alone in this. I think it's caused by a few things - the general anaesthetic plays a big part, your body is probably getting an awful lot of drugs out d it's system, you're exhausted and healing, and still in pain when you hoped you'd be better by now. In addition, surgery seems to affect our hormone levels too. I've had this after every surgery, honestly.

    Thirdly, your friends reaction is very common - people are used to surgery fixing health problems and it's confusing for people when people aren't instantly cured. Give them some time to get their heads round it - I've lost most of my friends because I'm not up to socialising and feel awful all the time, but the friends I do have are the real friends.

    Also, you are incredibly lucky to have a supportive fiancé and family, and for his family to be supportive too. My family aren't interested, especially my mum, and the thought of any of them taking time off work to look after me... That would never happen. My husband is now brilliant, but for a long time he didn't really get it. Take comfort in the fact that so many people want to take care of you - imagine if you had no-one. It would be so much harder.

    If you're worried about putting your MIL out, hire a dog walker to pop in and take the dogs out a few times a day, and get your fiancé to stock up on food you don't have to do much prep for your lunch. Then you can sleep all day without feeling bad.

    I promise, what you're going through is very common and normal. It will pass soon - you just need to go easy on yourself and allow yourself the time you need to recover.


  • Just rest and let your body heal, try not to stress yourself out as this has a knock on effect with Endo to so you maybe in a little vicious cycle, I found Kalms and rescue remedy helped me after my op....Dont let it get you down as it will have a massive effect on you try and stay positive, look to the future, there will be something that works for you its just a case of finding it and listene to your body....x

  • Like everyone is saying its very early days yet , all ur insides have been pulled about whilr they were searching for all ur endo u will be sore an maybe they cudnt find it all so many nerves in ur pelvic cavity cud send shooting pains anywhere in ur body , u have a great family ! Ur so lucky I only have my 2 sons who really don't get it @ all an send me txts from upstairs saying FOOD !!!! I have to laugh but I cud cry @ times as takes a fair time just to get off sofa coz I seize up , wat ever happens never give up ok xx u even have the love of ur dog ! I have 2 yorkies who are always over joyed to see me even if I only manage to let them run about in my small garden So try not to stress an rest girl xx

  • Poor thing, really feel for you :-(. Unfortunately depression and sadness seems to be so common because our hormones are struggling to remain balanced. I'm currently struggling to balance mine and I'm 11 weeks post surgery. I'm having ups and downs. You're on a downer at the mo, but you come up for air again soon.

    Re your friends, I agree, it's so difficult for them to understand and I have felt very hurt by my friendship circle within the last few months. However, you have to let them in and communicate with them or it will never change. I made a positive effort to stay in touch much more and they have responded in turn and I feel much more supported. When you're ready, let them in! Even if just for a phone call or a coffee.

    Wishing you all the very best. Xx

  • You poor thing! I know it seems like the end of the world right now but it will get better. As everyone else has said it just takes time. I know how you feel with the guilt of "putting everyone out" to help you, I've just been through a really low period where I was in constant pain and very emotional.

    Even though my husband and my mum and dad did everything they could to help me I felt really bad for "making them" have to look after me. They kept telling me that it wasn't a hassle and they loved me and that was the end of it but I still felt bad. Especially as I had been signed off work for four weeks so I was at home but my husband still had to come in from work to me crying about it and do all the housey things I felt like I should have been doing.

    He is a wonderful man and I just have to feel blessed that he loves me enough to take care of me the way he does in spite of my feelings on the subject! My ex boyfriend didn't understand and would be really nasty about me when I was laid up. I was lazy and a drama queen etc etc. I think this has stayed with me and I just can't stop the feeling that I am being a drama queen even though the pain is sometimes so intense that I can't walk and need help getting upstairs and undressed for bed. My friends are great but I find myself shutting myself off from them when I am low as I don't want to be a burden to them as well as my husband and family.

    I hate hearing people sound so low on this forum but in a strange way it gives me comfort knowing that I am not the only person in the world to feel this way about things. I have been where you are and I have come out the other side so you will too. I promise you that. Just take the time to rest and be kind to yourself. Your family obviously love you to bits so just enjoy knowing that even when you are at your worst they love you regardless. Take care of you.x

  • Don't isolate your self from your friends. Invite them over, ask them to bring some nibbles etc . Then they can see first hand that you are not making this stuff up and you will have company. Could one of the girls not walk your pooch ? Girl company may be just what you need to lift your spirits ? You will mend and you will get better x be kind to yourself.

  • ...and as all the other ladies have pointed out post op depression is so common don;t ignore it hoping it will go away, speak to your GP, they are quite used to post op depression cases, it is just like any shock to the body, a bereavement a divorce a moving house. It upsets your chemicals in the brain.

    You can get anti-depresents to speed up the recovery process. or you can try and cope alone but don't ignore it. Speak it through with your GP please.

    Post Op depression is more common than getting through an op and not experiencing depression. And there are ways you can help yourself recover.

    Hugs to you, you're not alone and not the only one to have been through this by any means.

    And while your body continues to try and heal inside your tummy, something else has to give way and it usually is your brain.

  • What everyone else said.

    I wish they would tell us that we could well be in a lot of pain for 4 weeks after and will need help at home etc, then we could plan ahead.

    I remember my second lap: they said I'd need a week off work, so I organised all that in advance etc. Then immediately after the op while I was still in recovery, they gave me a two week sick note! I was horrified and I'm sure the stress of suddenly realising that I would have to call my boss and try to sort things made me worse. Of course I pushed myself to get better quicker and to try to go back before the two weeks and ended up in an exhausted mess letting people down again. Then it was Christmas, so I got my four weeks but if it hadn't been hols anyway I would have had all four weeks off.

    As for MIL, write a list of what you need/would like her to do for you and the times. Then tell her the rest of the time, while you are in bed, you need her to stroke the dog as he/she is a bit neglected because you have been too exhausted to even do much of that. I'm sure she doesn't expect to be entertained at all and can always read a book or watch tv.

    And here's an order: Under no circumstances are you to do anything but stay in bed all afternoon. That's midday to five p.m. in my book. We'll be cross if you do otherwise!

  • It will not let me reply individually so I really am hoping you all see this. I'm overwhelmed by your comments and can't even begin to tell you all how grateful I am for your words. Thank you soooo much. Xxxxx today was fine, MIL took over and was amazing :-) why was I worried? On a worse note, my "friend" told me she thinks I'm addicted to painkillers n I take way too many. Which I'm not and I dont, I take no more than I'm meant to. I'm starting to hate her, strong word and strong feeling but it's true. She also said "its time you fgotoover this n had a hysterectomy, I will carry a baby for you" nice offer yes but what she doesn't get is that, 1. That makes me feel complete rubbish and I would still like time to try myself for a baby, I'm only 24. 2. I don't know about you guys but I doubt it would be that easy!! 3. This isn't actually the first time she has said it. 4. She doesn't understand when I say I feel less of a woman because I don't function properly, im sure you all feel the same as me. 5. Its not that she is trying to be nice, and I know this sounds delusional but she is actually trying to buy my love by making that offer.

    I feel crushed, girls .xx

  • Sorry that was meant to say, "its time for you to get over this and have a hysterectomy..."

  • She sounds like she needs a bit of education Hun. Did you get the leaflet from the endometriosis support site when you were diagnosed? I remember being handed one and it was actually quite good in explaining the basics. She needs you to give her something like this so she can go off and learn about our condition so it not all coming from you. I hate it when I feel like I have to 'justify' myself to people. There's only so many times you can say things!!!! She has a fixed notion in her head and its ridiculous, if you try to set her right only end in an argument and you resenting her so I would seriously consider telling her that while you understand she is trying to be supportive her advice is actually insulting, hurtful and wrong! Do you know the group I'm talking about wih the leaflet? It the one with the barbed wire and the rose wrapped around a girls waist on the front, they have a great website too with loads of personal stories and journeys of other women who have struggle to get recognition for their pain. I would direct her to that and ask her to come back to you when she has a more realistic understanding of your condition.

    Glad you had a good day with your MIL, she sounds like a lovely woman



  • Ive decided I cant be friends with her anymore. She has upset me a lot in the past aand ive came to realise that she doesn't ever actually listen to me, she just doesn't care so I'm not wasting my time anymore. I'm not strong enough to. Yeh I know of the leaflet you are talking about, I was given it after my first laparoscapy. Its very helpful. Xxx

  • Sunshinenshowers

    That's awful her saying that to you. I know how you feel tho, I'm 29 and no children and I feel like that as well knowing I may not have my own children one day. Hopefully I will.

    My mum has been the best through all this as she has had endo as well so knows what I am going through.

    I had a lap on the 31st December 2009 great new year I had. I was meant to be out of hospital the same day but I was not, I was still in hospital 2 days after the op, was not allowed to drive for a week and a half and had nearly 4 weeks off in the end cos I was not well enough. Likely my mates understood but you do get people that don't understand like your so called mates. Although saying that I did have people In my life at The time like that myself and stopped talking to them and not having that added stress helped me a lot.

    All you need is time like everyone else has said Hun and let anyone else who has been through an op like you and us tell you any different. Someone I know tried and I put them straight and has not tried to say the pain they get is worse than endo pain

    Keep in touch sweetie


  • This is a really good thread. So many of us out there! I'm just into the third week after my op, experiencing all of these emotions too and wondering when the pain will stop.

    The friend thing is very hard, I've only told a few friends and haven't really gone into it. I'm also overseas and haven't really had time to build much of a network here yet. Like you I'm very lucky to have a great fiancée.

    Hope we all recover as well as is possible. Xx

  • So sorry you are having a rough ride. I hope this link will help you to start believing yourself again and your ability to heal. Big hugs candacepert.com/

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