In deep depression right now

Hi there. My name is Mark. And currently I've hit a major slump in my life. I've been suffering from anxiety and now I'm in depression. You could say I'm going through an existential crisis.

As of now, my mind is constantly thinking about the meaning of life or how life might be an illusion. And the more I look into it, the more depressed I become. I always look at philosophy sites to constantly get answers so I can be content in life. I also let the negative opinions of those affect me like "you're stupid for liking this!" or something like that. And because of my anxiety, I've been getting derealisation which has been fueling my depression as well.

Everything just doesn't make sense to me anymore. And I don't want it to be this way. I fear this is the end of my life. I don't have suicidal thoughts (since it's something I would never do) but I just can't be happy in life anymore. I also fear all this depression and anxiety will kill me (even though I'm only 21). What should I do? Thanks.


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4 Replies

  • Hi Marc,

    Welcome to the community. I noticed that you also posted on the Anxiety forum- I had a quick read of those posts too so that I could familiarise myself with your story.

    Has something occurred that has caused you to have a slump? I know that you have said that you have suffered from anxiety- and that you'd been prescribed medication. Have you been taking this medication? Have you formally been diagnosed with depression? If so, did your GP mention medication for that?

    What do you think is the meaning of life? I'd be interested to know. I know that you mentioned that you are on the Autism spectrum, do you think your search for a concrete answer could be as a result of this? I am making zero assumptions. I myself am dyslexic and I have both taught and have family members who have autism. Just as with the general population, each person is different.

    What is unreal about your surroundings? How is the de realisation affecting you-please be as specific as possible. The most important thing to remember is that everything you are experiencing is in your mind. Your mind is triggering your flight or fight response and so you feel threatened and heightened anxiety. When I have negative thoughts I try to imagine them written on a piece of paper. I then tear that paper up because just like my thoughts, that piece of paper isn't real. It isn't tangible, it can't hurt me. Only my actions and responses can. It'd be worth looking up defusing from your thoughts.

    As your post is quite vague, it's hard for me to go into specifics, but you mention that everything doesn't make sense anymore. What did make sense but doesn't now?


  • Hello Marco

    We all feel life as an experience never seems to make sense. I have been like that since I was eleven years old, now next month I will be sixty six years old and still I am taken aback by the same feelings of unbelief.

    The best part of my thoughts on this is it makes me look quite sane and most associates or Government are clambering up the wall of madness.

    When things get me going I do feel I should not be here, I feel that I may have been transported to a different dimension, I am normally glad to get back and settle back to some form of normality.

    Mind I do feel most people on this rock in space feel the same way, this is just what life is and there are people in these parallel worlds that are setting the stage for the madness we find around us.

    So all I can suggest is live your life and accept the googlies that are thrown in your direction, All is a game that we are all a part of.

    If you feel you need support ask to see your GP, yes He can help with drugs and CBT.

    In my case I always looked for someone who was as crazy as me, I am glad I live my home life in some form of sanity that is overturned when we need contractors to do works for us.

    All I will suggest is develop a sense of humour, I am still trying, and let life continue on as a soap opera. with all its irritations.

    When I eventually escape this mortal coil and am reincarnated I am coming back as some kind of monk and have a holiday away from all the crazy actions that I have witnessed in my past life.

    Please try not to worry, if you are having problems talk to your GP.

    We also can give support, they are a really nice crowd here

    Keep a hold


  • Hello Marc

    I know EXACTLYat you're talking about, honestly! I too was plunged into depression/anxiety BIG TIME about 2 months ago - it's like living a nightmare isn't it! But because I've experienced it around 3 or 4 times now I knew what it was and immediately got in touch with my gp (she's super-understanding on mental health issues btw) and she started me on antidepressants. Please please get in touch with your gp and get yourself some help ASAP. Its not a quick fix cause they need to get into your system but they do help. Also please get yourself some "talking therapy" (counselling) as that'll help along with medication. The way you are describing your symptoms is really typical of the way depression "messes with your mind" - for me, I sent myself on a constant guilt trip over all the people I must have upset and it drove me to distraction - for you, it's a different kind of questioning but it's the depression/anxiety that's fuelling these thoughts and questions. The chemicals in our brain are majorly affected when we suffer depression and our thinking becomes manic and obsessive. You're not alone honestly. I only found this site a few days ago and already am feeling connected with people. One of the most horrendous things about this illness is how alone you can feel so please continue to post and talk. As my gp put it "I can tell that its really not nice being you right now" and it sounds as if you feel the same way. You will recover Marc ... don't believe those thoughts you have cause they're not real, your mind (the chemical imbalance) is talking, not the normal you.

    I'll be thinking of you - I'm sure we all will who've read your post.

    Take care and let us know how things are.

    Didee51 X

  • Thinking about the meaning of life and is it an illusion I would have thought could be interesting instead of depressing but as many of the greatest minds the human race has produced have wrestled with this problem and come up with no answers I would n't get too depressed if you don't find an answer.

    Its much simpler and possibly more constructive to adopt as a philosophy the pursuit of happiness, providing that one's own happiness does not cause unhappiness for others. This is different from the pursuit of pleasure as for many of us it is impossible to be content unless one spends quite a lot of one's time doing something constructive.

    Depression (which incidentally always passes , more quickly usually if medical help is sought) sometimes makes happiness impossible in which case a good standby policy is to try and increase the sum total of human happiness by making others happier. Stroke cats, don't kill flies,pay compliments ,say thank yous, buy doughnuts for your workmates occasionally etc. etc. I find this makes me feel a little better and more useful everytime and before I know it I'm starting to feel undepressed again.

    Depression and anxiety per se won't kill you, Seek medical help and keep your fingers crossed they find the right treatment for you quickly. Whether they do or not the depression will eventually pass after what can seem a long while but is almost always less than six months.

    When that passes a lot of the anxiety will go too, but with anxiety there are hosts of self help books in most libraries that seem to be quite effective altho you might have to try a few before hitting a good one that works for you.

    What should you do? Just resolve that whatever life throws at you ,you will survive and prevail. You'll be happy again, many many times. Yes,I know it sounds impossible right now but trust me, I'm not a politician.


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