i want to end it all now

got back from the doctors and have had enough the dr they assigned me is horrible so

abrupt,I hate her.told her the meds were making me sleep all the time and causing me to have strange vivid dreams ,I asked for a different med and her response to this was to double the dose.how is that going to help?make me more tired and worse dreams??I told her my foot was cold and numb and felt like it was not attached to my ankle.she looked at it and said it s nothing ,.why cant they accept I know my body .is this how its going to be cos of the other gp's dismissal/non acceptance /neglect.

Despite it having been confirmed I have various stomach/colon conditions it is not in my head,

now I just want to die now.


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31 Replies

  • Hi

    I feel sad that you had such a negative experience with the new medic... healthcare is meant to be a shared experience but so often it isn't. Did the medic explain why she was doubling your dose? Some meds do cause horrible nightmares, my GP put me on double dose of Duloxetine and I had nightmares and night terrors (couldn't wake properly, half awake half asleep) which were terrifying, i had them before and wasn't prpeared to go back to having them again so have weaned myself completely off the med and will tell the GP next time I go back. You are not a passive pawn in your treatment, if you are not happy taking double dose then do not take it until you have researched the med yourself, know what it is for, what dosage is recommended, what side effects are and how long they are expected to last - that info is all online but if you can't find it come back and we can help you to research further. Having info will at least help you to understand what the GPs thinking is.


  • Hi Sue,thanks for your reply and advice.I told her i'd had a bad weekend painwise and she asked tearful?said yes and then she said she'd double the dose,i will do some searching on the internet.

    I also got the normal " it is anxiety and that causes pain etc ".I told her its was nt when Its been confirmed I had the stomach/colon conditions diagnosed plus swallowing problems,struggling to stop crying whilst waiting for the bus home.If I did not have my dogs then I d have nothing to be here for.

    Pain maybe anxiety related but I know its not -clearly visible swelling and enlargement of hands feet head and nose plus tongue and lips aren't caused by anxiety yet they get dismissed.

    all my pain and symptoms are persistent chronic and long term,if anxiety they would come and go,

    hopefully when my brother is with me next time she will listen to him.he is going to ask questions my gp refused to answer.I want to go back to my previous surgery ,I cant be at this one for the rest of my life,waiting to hear from PALS and Health watch people.

  • so my supposed to be supportive brother thinks it isn't a gp s job to be sympathetic and they focus on diagnosis and treating and it's ok for them to be abrupt .is so not acceptable

    how can i rely on him when he said he will come with me to my next appointment if he isnt going to support me. .,how many times has gp or consultant "not diagnosed" ?proves you are just a number and caring doesn't come into it.sometimes a Gp is the only sympathetic ear people have .

    so hate my family -I d disown them all ..i try to be strong for my dogs because i'd hate for them not to have me look after them.I cant cope anymore.

  • Hi

    I can appreciate it is all difficult for you but please do stop undermining the help that is there. I know the GP wasn't ideal but she didn't put you down or fail to believe you, despite that you respond as if she did, you are harsh towards yourself and I wonder where you learned to be like that?

    Your brother is a male! Enough said :) Only kidding, but they are generally fairly insensitive seeming and abrupt and medics too

    because they only have a few minutes for each patient, I think that's crazy but is the way things are.

    I agree, GPs are often the only one a person turns to for help but even so they just don't have the time, training, or perhaps even interest - they are scientists and as such interested in and trained to look for evidence for

    what's wrong in the body.

    I do think you need more support - but the only places you will perhaps find that do entail your accepting some kind of psychological component to the difficult in your getting the treatment you feel you need for your health problems. I doubt they are all in your mind, that is unlikely, but if you can get help with the psychological side then perhaps your symptoms will reduce a little?

    Why not consider asking for therapy so you can look at the experiences that have led you to hate your family - those feelings will be putting you under continual stress and presumably go back so they will have stressed your body over a long period of time. If you can begin to let go of some of the feelings then you may find you can cope better with the eating problem, as things are generally circular with one problem feeding into another.


  • Hi if your conditions have been confirmed are you receiving treatment for them? Do you think you have conditions as yet uncomfirmed? What are they and have you tried googling them?

  • Hi Bev,

    they were diagnosed by colonoscopy and endoscopy but other than the omeprazole I was already prescribed ,no.hiatus hernia,diverticulitis,duodenitis and gastritis,I asked my GP on few occasions if they can do something for the diverticulitis/duodenitis and if they were the cause of my abdominal distention or something causing them.refused to answer.

    I still have pain on my left side (just below ribs)which I assume diverticulitis is and centre chest(hernia).

    I do have concerns as to what the cause is but no one will believe me.i have researched my symptoms and what has been mentioned by GP but not confirmed/diagnosed and I believe it is a tumour or mass of some sort just from the weight/heaviness and continuing "growth"

  • I'm confused as I thought diverticulitis was lower and wonder whether the the pain below your ribs could be your stomach being distended and stretching against the muscle. Often irritable bowel (which I have) and other kinds of stomach problems cause pain in that area.

    I recall you once said you have problems with eating and if so you will have a lot of gas (wind) in your stomach. I wonder whether you could ask your GP to refer you to a nutritionist who could help you to find things you can begin by eating and swallowing and which would reduce the wind and bloating as that is likely to ease the pain. Then you might then think about CBT to help you to overcome the difficulties with getting various foods to go down though I expect that reatment would have to be through the eating disorders service - I know the cause of your difficulty with eating may be physical but dealing with the psychological component will help with the physical too, they are inter-linked.


  • Hi sue ,after these were diagnosed the GP(not my own)arranged for me to see a dietician and I also was referred to a practice nurse and a dietician who both were happy with my diet and advised me to cut out a couple of foods but and those which were fine in moderation.I cut out shredded wheat and crispies which were the main problem.

    If the problem is gas/wind/IBS then no suggestion made by any GP.ifit is the reason for weight gain (since 2011) but doesn't explain the pelvic bone pain/swelling which according to physio may be a prolapse.

    I wasn't sure what part of the colon diverticulitis was in without looking at the scan pics.I have had protruding ribs on the left side for about four years but given no inkling as to why.other members spoke of costochondritis but no DR mentioned it.

  • Yes, that all makes sense, a prolapse which you could be referred for if you have not already, I have similar and it makes bulges low down in the stomach. though I'm happy to leave it and not have surgery. You say the dietician was happy with what you were eating - but I thought from what you said before that you had a problem with geeting food down you, swallowing it, so was wondering whether you were eating enough, if not then wind and possibly weight gain as well if you did eat easy but fattening things to compensate - as I do if I don't eat enough! Yes I have sore and a little swollen ribs but I know for me that it is partly where I broke three ribs in a fall some years ago but also that I have fibromyalgia which results in inflamed rib muscles - costocondritis. It is painful at times but not dangerous in any way, more annoying and frustrating than anything. x

  • the barium swallow scan actually showed the bread the gave me going up and down in my oesophagus and it also got stuck in my throat.Rice crispies were the main foodstuff i was choking on.the dietician said I was eating enough,i do have breakfast and a meal but have small snacks (sandwich or soup)in between.

    I haventn eaten cakes biscuits snacks or puddings for several years.tho do now have cereal bars -a bit of chocolate most days now.That stemmed from a guy at my workplace buying mars bars every day.a little bit of chocolate is supposed to help reduce the risk of heart attacks and strokes!!

  • Sounds like you eat more than me then! :) Perhaps too much with bread and rice crispies as well as cereal bars... that's certainly more than I could manage in a day. As we get older we have to eat less and it is hard to adjust to that.

  • sue, can you(or other members ) post what you eat in a typical day?I haven't eaten crispies or wheat cereal since I saw the dieticians last year/earlier this years.cereal bar is often my breakfast and if I do have cereal it is just 2 oatibix..i don't think having one slice of bread is excessive,i suddenly went from having a really healthy appetite to almost none more or less overnight.

    At christmas I would always go to my brothers for xmas dinner and have double helpings of everything ,now i m lucky to be able to eat next to nothing..I don't think it s how much one can manage,I cant manage too much in one go my stomach tells me when Its full, its a case of making myself eat something and its better to have several small meals than huge meals.i often get to the evening and realized I havent eaten since breakfast time never hungry.

  • Going all day like that is definitely not good for you! (though I also do it sometimes :) ). I couldn't tell you what I eat as I don't really have a typical day, they vary so much, depends how I feel what I am doing, whether I have the emotional energy to pay attention to what I am eating, etc. Some days I eat loads, other days hardly anything. What I think I should eat is maybe half a grapefruit, boiled egg and ryvita then a yoghurt for breakfast, healthy sandwich or soup plus fruit for lunch and meat/fish and veg, or stir fry or main meal like spag bol with salad, snacks during the evening (I always do, it's when I most find I want to eat) are always fruit now with chocolate if I have it! x

  • Its not intentional I never feel hungry and it is sometimes evening and it suddenly occurs to me I have not eaten.each day is the same for me,if i don't have breakfast when I get up its a cereal bar when wal!king dogS then you mention "a heal thy sandwich".Or soup which is my lunch when Ihave it.as you say on a good day get involved I'm doing something and forget to eat.

    I only haBe a small teaplate sized meal in evening.dont ever buy cakes biscuits or puddings do there s no temptation there.

    Think this is going off topic/the original thread.

  • Slightly confused. In a reply above you wondered if I was eating enough and eating fatty foods to compensate as you said you do if you don't eat enough and then sounds like I eat !ore than you.then I've just seen your reply below.replying to that one separately. I'll post my faceisl pic on the pituitary site as its likely to be that than fibro of anything else.

  • Yes, it's not always possible to understand what someone means by what they say, needs a lot of clarification often. I do that sometimes as well, go all day and then realise I haven't eaten anything - as long as you are drinking enough, and when you do not eat as long as you do not then suddenly eat like mad, especially on fibrous things like cereal bars which are fine but in moderation - if you have a cereal bar whilst walking the dog isn't that a bit like having a breakfast? x

  • Hi are you saying you have diverticulitis/duodenitis confirmed by the doctor but are not having any treatment? Won't they say whether or not this is a cause of your pain?

    My sister had an endoscopy for a possible tumour and was told it would show anything wrong. It didn't show that so she was happy. Why don't you believe you don't have a tumour? It would have shown on the tests, why would any doctor/consultant deliberately not tell you? I don't understand that I'm afraid.

    My sister still suffers some stomach pains but doesn't worry about it as she has always had a bit of a dodgy stomach anyway.

    I am going to be straight with you. I am not saying there is nothing wrong with you but I am saying I think you have health anxiety. It is quite common and an illness in itself. My eldest sister has been convinced she has been dying since she was a teenager - she is now 66 so she isn't!

    She does have a limp, and a tickley cough and can't eat properly so is too thin but she takes build up drinks. Her life has been ruined by imagined illnesses and fears so I do have some experience with that. Many physical problems are caused by anxiety and I think you need to accept that your health is being compromised more by that instead.

    Live your life and enjoy it as it is too short to spend it worrying and fretting so much. Take your dogs out for long walks and they will soon pick up. You are right they are very perceptive, and when you are unhappy they pick it up you know.

  • Hi Bev,

    yes and I ahvent had any treatment other than the omeprazole im on.the endoscopy was arranged by a different dr to my own two years after symptoms began and my own GP wouldn't do anything based on previous scans taken months before.

    the question put to him was

    "are the recent diagnoses the cause of my abdominal pain,pressure and distention or is something causing them?."

    in response to your questions.I heed everything you say.An endoscopy only shows inside the stomach/colon does it not?.Because of the amount of weight gain specifically on my stomach,and because a friend passed from Ovarian cancer and not picked up until too late originally being told she had IBS. As ive said in the past no mention of IBS or other diagnosis ,other than "it s your stomach".

    I agree anxiety may cause imaginary pain but not so with me-the diagnoses prove there was a problem and why did it take two years and another GP to investigate.

    I have sicne found out that in my notes he recorded everything as indigestion when all along it was hiatus hernia that was causing pain etc

  • My brother took his own life in 2006 it's ripped my whole family apart killing oneself is not the answer I have too live with that forever he never wanted my help Michael was always there for me if I need love support or a friend to chat too he was there that's gone now I've lost a brother and my best friend every Christmas birthday anniversary it's horrible feeling he's never going to have that lovely smile he once had or a joke he play on me its lost

    Please think very hard and if you have family they too have a lifetime of pain.


  • Sometimes when people hate their family they actually want to cause them that kind of pain, ironically. x

  • I know they do life is so precious and short

    If only I did this done that I just wish

  • Hi Orwell1984.

    i'm so sorry to hear that,I would not have the courage to do anything as much as I feel that way.I dont have any family of my own,my dogs are mine.Ive got far more love from them than any family or friend .Why is it too much to expect sympathy or empathy from a GP.They don't have to live with swollen lips and enlarged nose or huge stomach.I haven't gone out without a coat on even in the summer cos of my stomach. I wake every morning to a swollen face and I only go out when I have to(ie doctor)Its ok when a gp notices that I have swelling etc but when I have said I have swelling/bone growth etc they dismiss it.

  • My life is full of pain from my back the gps just give me pills to sleep the specialist have done nothing my mum and Pets keep me alive along with silly things like music and films books I no longer have friends I cut them all off my moods where the fault same as my marriage but I'm tough and seen what ones actions can do

    The answer is don't let it beat you because it will x

  • What dogs do you have, I would love to see a photo of them. Also if you wanted to you could photograph your enlarged face and we could see whether we have any thoughts about what might be causing it as it may be something different/separate from the stomach/eating difficulty. Sue xx

  • Hi sue.i can post pic s of them but they will be separate as cant post more than one at a time.I have photos of my face and nose as it is when I wake up.I have posted photos before which led to abuse .The gp at my other surgery said it could be pituitary and growth hormone which causes enlargement of hands and feet,swollen lips and tongue,enlargement of the scalp.I meant to ask for the results of that blood test today but forgot.

  • Hi

    You could always message them if you prefer, that's less public. Also if you had the blood test then you could pop in and tell the receptionist you forgot to ask the GP and would it be possible for her to get the results written down and you could perhaps collect them in 48 hours? If the other GP thought it might be pituitary and growth hormone problems I wonder whether there is a health unlocked page for that or a local support group or national body that can offer support and advice about it? Worth googling and researching further I think.


  • ok sue ill try and upload some pics.i have joined the pituitary forum but there are few members if any and it is African based???

    I wonder if they would email results thru.,some drs allow test results to be viewed online but don't think this one does.

  • There is a national pituitary organisation as well, I googled. x

  • Hello

    Did the GP give you an appointment when you changed practice ??

  • hello no not straight away.first one was on 10th june,then the area team said my gp was responsible for my health care until 9th june and they removed my name on 1st june,then claimed I met with the practice manager on 2nd june and saw a gp on the third.Impossible as I was elsewhere on 2nd june and also they had removed my name so couldn't book an appt even if I wanted to.not giving up -pursue to the end. now just waiting to hear from them.

  • Go onto my private page

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