I apologize if any of what follows makes little sense, this may be more of a train of thought.

I don't know what to do, I've been off for a few weeks now and have been doing fairly okay (Having just last week been at a after wedding do and some other stuff), but the I know that the transition between constant work and free time don't usually go down well with me.

I actually began to almost know the signs of when I'm going to go like this and usually try to cycle more and organize meeting up with some friends , however despite asking a week before I have had trouble getting all parties willing at the same time and frankly its frustrating. I realize that they are probably busy (In fact one gave me a reason) but I feel like I am going to have to starting to chase them around, I mean, am I not aloud to say 'Hey you wanna meetup on Tuesday?' and at least get a clear answer at some point in the future if not when I asked (Whether that yes or no).

I realize other people have things to do as well and sure life can be a bit busy, but at the same time this is really frustrating. I don't really know if what I have really are friends, sure I have one good mate who I see and talk to frequently, but the others I only really ever see when I try and organize something like this and being so busy usually that doesn't happen often.

Another thing is that by now I should be helping as a part time carer for a friend of mines brother (my friends younger brother I get on really well with him) and have had the CRB (I think they call it a CBS or something now), I have filled out all of the forms for this ages ago (This apparently would be paid which is also a plus), I understand that it takes some time for it to come through, but having been told that since then something has been dropped into my old house (I moved 2-3 months ago) I then followed this up only to have no response from his mum (The one who is dealing with some of this paperwork) and minimal response from him (My friend).

I just feel really annoyed right now, do I seriously have to chase after and followup things like this for anything to come to pass?, it feels like everything that I do isn't enough because I'm almost expected to do other peoples work too (In the case of being a part time carer at least).

I mean its not that I'm unable to, hell I've already done that with my A2 ICT in which my teacher completely abandoned me leaving me to finish about 2/3 of the work alone with a marking criteria and some exemplar work (It may sound like exaggeration but I honestly did have better attendance than my own teacher for a subject).

I haven't quite figured out if this is more feeling isolated and or feeling like even now I have to put work in for things as seemingly mediocre as this.

I'm going to stop writing now, I've gone through this more times than I can count just to see if this makes any sense.

4 Replies

  • Umm could it be your putting others before yourself? In your need to please others your bending too far back? I'm like that sometimes and it doesnt serve you. So then you feel anxious because really you should value your time more? ie spend it doing what you want and if people don't get back to you, they will when they want something badly with you're 'caring' situation, even though that may seem irresonsible?

    On the flip side maybe your friends think you only contact them when its convenient to you? So they feel they have to drop everything to accommodate you? Think, are you invited to things by them and you say you dont have the time? Im just guessing NOT accusing. Put yourself in their place if you were them how might they see you and your need for attention? And how you arrange your time?

    Look I haven't got it all squared away, everyone just does their best. Maybe if you have that kind of friendship you could say....guys I like to arrange things, and Im worried we will drift apart if we don't make time for each other, what if we set aside some dates to meet up or even ask them if they mind being spontaneous. Personally I struggle to understand people who a) don't like surprises, as often the giver has put a lot of work into arranging a nice surprise and b) don't like being spontaneous sometimes, but some people really cant bare it!

    Good Luck, hope it all works out for you

  • Thanks for commenting, I do tend to put others before myself I realize it doesn't do me much good, I've had a really bad headache for the last couple of days which probably doesn't help either.

    Two of my friends have taken this year off (For different personal reasons) and have had time to do some volunteer work together, and my other friend has had more time off than I have (The nature of college) to help out there too. So while I see one of them frequently (The one who goes to college) the other two I don't, they don't really organize much but when they have I've been able to make it, I think its more that they don't really meetup much anyways rather than me not making time when they have plans.

    That's kinda the reason that I organize these things so we can catch up, but they don't (At least the two I don't see often) seem to be all that spontaneous (It is something which irritates me a little), while I like to be, probably only ever planning a week or so in advanced at the most (Usually to accommodate this exact problem). I've been contacted by one of the other ones now, which is good. I have had a bit of a strange headache for the last few days and managed to pull something in my leg on my last cycle ride. which set me up for a bit of a frustrating day for recovering, I'm feeling alot better now though.


  • Hi John,

    Sorry I didn't get back to your last message. I really appreciate it though, thank you. :) Sometimes I just don't seem to have a capacity for words if I've got a lot of things on my mind or if I'm feeling down, and I'm going through a difficult time at the moment. I tried going to the doctors about it to make an appointment but she's not in - won't be for ages - so I feel trapped. The title of your post is the word. Anyway, enough about my worries.

    I'm trying to process as much as I can although it's hard with interference. I want to help in whatever way I can. First and foremost I can see you're struggling with the adjustment from having too much to do and not having anything to do. You want to socialise and catch up with friends but you're disappointed and put out by seeming lack of interest. I understand you're also waiting for a DBS check to come through (me too!) and the longer the delay is for that, the longer you have to wait. You're concerned because you had an update to this dropped to your old house (they obviously thought you were still at your old address) and I think you're slightly concerned that this will prevent the application from coming through or being processed properly, this is understandably causing you more stress. You must feeling slightly frustrated towards your friend and his mum, because you are trying to get it resolved and they are not being helpful. I don't know if there's a number you can call for advice. Maybe if you type into a search bar for a helpline. Someone did give me a number to call for advice (I couldn't present my passport as documentation because it had JUST ran out, I sent an application which my passport details on the 26th of June, and it expired the next day on the 27th I think we're both victims of bad timing aren't we, eh? :) ), anyway if you can't find the helpline let me know and I'll share with you the number they gave me.

    I think you feel let down, you mention attending your classes more than your teacher - I'm think perhaps the situation you're in now with people not getting back to you is reminding you of this difficult time you have with your A2 level work. I've had experience with unreliable teachers, and during my A levels as well, so I feel I can identify with this feeling. I think you also feel that you're working hard and not getting much in return, I know that feeling.

    So here's what I think you do, call the helpline about the DBS if you can, and then once you've done that, in the meantime do something for you. Watch that TV series you've been wanting to watch on catch up but never had the chance, go for a walk in the sun with your headphones on and just enjoy watching the world go by. Relax and read a book. :) It's amazing how things can fall into place when we do nothing and (this isn't to give everyone an excuse for everyone to do nothing all the time by the way :D I just mean it in the appropriate context, and John, I think you're still doing too much at the mo and not letting yourself rest and relax. Also, try not to dwell either). Your friends will come flocking when they realise they haven't heard from you in a few days, I'm sure. Arrange to do something like to go the cinema with the friend you're seeing regularly.

    I guess that's about as much as I can say - don't be afraid to come here (or message me) and getting all your thoughts out there. They're better on the screen than in your head.

    Big Hugs,

    Fay :) xxxx

  • Hey Fay,

    Thanks again for commenting, and don't worry about not replying to my message, I realize it can be pretty hard to keep track of things like that when there are more immediate things that take priority (After all that is exactly why I haven't really posted again till recently), I am glad that you appreciate it though :).

    I have been having a bit of a hard time, recently but at the moment at least, I am doing alright. I decided to go and visit the other half of my family (Mum, stepdad and sister) to see how they were doing and am staying for a few days. I have got back from some of my friends which is a plus so that might be a go ahead (But I still need to check with one other person).

    I am going to text my friend again in a few days to hopefully see what can be done, its a bit confusing, I already have the CBS form and was told to send it off to an organization that deals with setting it up, they've seen it sent it back but are apparently still trying to figure things out (Even now about 3-4 months on). It is quite frustrating to say the least, and having had a bit of a headache for a few days I can't imagine helps much.

    I have also been messed around getting a new phone recently as it needs unlocking and I haven't received the code within the time they said I would, however yesterday I was able to get all of the money back for the unlock as an apology (I should get it within the next few days). so while I have a virtually useless phone at the moment, I should be able to contact people a bit easier soon. I'm taking it a little easier at the moment.

    I felt allot better after posting this so you are completely right about it being better here then in my head, again thanks for posting

    Big Hugs,

    John :) xxxx