Am I depressed or hormonal??

Basically I dred going to work every morning because they constantly put me down and feel useless I'm doing my dream job but I feel is all this hassle worth it.i think about killing myself a lot mostly everyday.ive taken an overdose before and slit my wrists a few times.i always feel like I can't talk to anyone around me because I'm scared they will laugh at me.this has been happening the past year and got worse when my dad past away 2 months ago we were very close and now I always feel alone emotionally.when I cry for him I feel like people will think I'm constantly snapping at people I hate feeling like this and making other people hate me

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7 Replies

  • Hello Anita

    This sadly is part of the course with illness, I had the same experience when at work at it eventually ended in me being medically retired. I have never really recovered especially when neighbours knew your history and the vindictive

    attitude carries on through life it makes one want to end it all. I also tried to end it all with strong painkillers.

    Now I realize I have to just carry on, now I have alienated myself from all who knew me and moved to a different part of the country to start again, although I still have a connection with my last town because of property not selling.

    My problems were ith family also so that has also been thrown into the compost bin of bad people and situations.

    No you are not stupid, if anything you care and have been bullied and forced down this path that people who work with you could never imagine the damage they have done to you, This is assault.

    Why should you commit that final sanction, you expect respect and understanding and your Supervisor should have this explained to him as now this type of attitude can end up in some place they do not want to go.

    Sorry about your Father and the loss you must be feeling,insensitivity and lack of compassion is never right and you do not need to explain yourself to anyone as how would they feel if they had that sort of loss.

    The manifestation of grief can take a long time to recover from, people need to show respect at your loss and give support until your can appear out of the darkness once more

    Have you talked to your GP regarding the way you feel, do you think that medications need to be taken to get through this difficult time. their is nothing wrong with asking for help, treatment may only be needed for a few months. If you have not talked with Him yet give it a try

    Good Luck

    BOB .

  • Anita sorry about your Dad.Grief is very hard and I. Not surprised you feel

    Like this. You are very young to be working .

    My advice would be to visit your Doctor and take it from there, when you feel

    Better you will be stronger too emotionally. So make that appointment now.

    Hannah x

  • I have spoken to my gp they gave me a councillor but it's not helping dunno what else I can do

  • Its really natural to grieve. 2 months really doesn't sound like a long time since your father died - mine died over 10 years ago and there are still times when I really miss him and feel like crying because of it.

    Religious practice in Judaism is that son's and daughter's formally grieve for their parents for a full year so there is obviously a long tradition of recognising that it takes more than 2 months to get over the death of a parent.

    Some of what you are describing sounds like grief but the work situation sounds as if it has been going on for a long time. It may be your dream job but it does sound as if it may be with nightmare colleagues and that probably makes it a nightmare job rather than a dream job.

    I presume that the overdose and suicide attempts were several months ago rather than since your father died. I see that you have seen your GP and are having some counseling. Please give the counseling some time. Have you talked about the suicidal thoughts. Counseling can be a really scary experience. Counselors have different styles - some wait for you to speak and that can be really weird and threatening. If you don't feel it is helping then you can talk that through with them and may be suggest that you would like to talk a bit about the suicidal thoughts and what you might do about them.

    The thoughts of suicide may well be the result of the huge amount of stress that you are under because of the work situation. The bit of the brain that deals with fear is a very old part of the brain and is more geared towards living in caves and having to run away from bears and similar threats than it is with coping with stress. It recognises a danger and sends us an image that is designed to make us respond but with stress that is quite often a thought about death because that's the only way of being sure that the stress has gone away. The thought itself then becomes disturbing and distressing so you get another image and it just becomes a vicious circle. You can find your way out of that circle but I think it is different for different people. It's one reason why suicidal thoughts are used as a barometer for stress and depression.

    You are not alone in many of the feelings you describe - including the snapping at people.

  • Anita you are not alone and things can improve, which I know won't feel possible to you, but it is true. It is not a surprise you feel as you do. I lost my father and it had a real impact on my ability to cope, and I too have been on the receiving end of great criticism at work. It took me a while, but at work, the realisation that this type of behaviour is unacceptable, and actually harassment and against the law can be very empowering when you are on the receiving end. I began to look into it, and constantly reminded myself I didn't have to put up with people like that and it was a big aid to improving how I felt and how I specifically got on while at work. I did not want to go either, but asserting yourself, finding your voice can really make a difference backed up in the confidence you have every right to NOT be treated this way. It is hard to speak up when you feel so unwell and there is constant criticism, but you will find it will be worth it, whether it is to respond to the bullying by telling someone more senior or simply to tell them directly it is something you would be within your rights to highlight as unlawful discrimination in the workplace and ask them if they knew this fact, bullies seem to falter when you ask them why they are behaving that way. Intelligence from their victims does seem to be effective in stopping the behaviour in my experience. You will find your confidence will build. However if the whole place is a negative environment you could just take time away until you feel stronger because it will take time for you to grieve, and I would persist with your GP to get more respect of the counselling, I had bereavement counselling but did not feel it helped at the time, then had more with someone different later, and they showed me how to adopt a different mechanism of reacting to grief, and any other sources of pain adding to my depression. Using cognitive behavioural therapy can be a step to manage your feelings more positively. I also let myself accept a support system, my GP, medication, and I spoke with a visiting nurse and was referred to a psychologist and returned to counselling a few time. I found anyone closer, family & friends were good but I needed people who were more detached before I could benefit from support, and I want you to know I have been in the darkest of places, where I felt life was over here but light is at the end of the tunnel if you let it be I promise you. You need to accept support, and respect yourself, you matter in this world, don't be ashamed as how you feel does happen, and you are far from stupid. You are speaking up on here and that is the first step. Just take things bit by bit as healing takes time.

  • Honey you sound depressed. As you been feeling so bad, is a indication you need time off. The shock of your dad passing would be enough to start it off, with all that crap going on too. Get an emergency appointment with your gp. She may sign you off because you need time of adjustment to get these tablets to work. , and time to grieve.

    Talk to her honestly about how you have been feeling, because then she will know how bad it has got for you. You need some support at this time. When your feeling a bit better you can talk to someone about whats going on with work, and this has been one of the trigger factors making you feel bad at work, isnt allowed. They have a duty of care to you. Could be called bullying at work. contact Acass. Its a governing body who will listen to you, and maybe act on your behalf. Maybe they could help you more in how they offer help. They have a duty of care!!!

    So if bullying is happening you have to write down who said what, and what time, what was said. how it made you feel. Some people dont know that their behaviour is making you feel so bad. It has to be done, to put an end to it.

    thoughts are with you, and think ,,, your dad loved you so much hes keeping a eye on you, talk to him, hes in spirit now. His love is so strong hes everywhere you are. You just cant see him thats all.

    take care

    kind regards

    Linda Feeley

  • You're not stupid for crying about the loss of your dad! Don't ever think that, you're crying because you miss him and still grieving, if no one can see that then tbh f*ck them! It's a natural process that will takes as long as it takes to make you feel better. Don't put yourself down about that. And don't let anyone else do that to you either.

    Hmm, unfortunately I haven't really gone into the working world just yet, I'm still at uni for another year, but I hope to land my dream job when I figure it out. Don't forget dream jobs change over time. Maybe the reason you're not enjoying it anymore is because it's not your dream job anymore? Do you have any other aspirations? Maybe you could look for another job?

    I'm sorry to hear that you think you don't matter to the world - of course you matter. Life is full of the cause and effect scheme what and how you treat people will effect them, that matters, especially if someone feels the same as you, and you just saying hi to them at work means so much to them? I think you should try and talk to someone - again don't feel ashamed for how you feel, half the time no one understands or can change the way they feel.

    I hope I've helped a little, also we have similar pictures - great minds think alike ^.^ x

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