Feeling trapped!

Hi, this is my first post on the forum. I've wrote before but always ended up deleting it.

A little history I've suffered from depression and anxiety since 12 years old. I was hospitalised a number of times in my teenage years. I have had bad bouts of depression and anxiety ever since. I am now 30 and been going through a bad episode for the past 3/4 months. I've been very suicidal and nearly been hospitalised due to sevre panic attacks and self harm. I've been off work since September, I currently work as community support rehab worker for an older adults mental health team, which I do not feel has helped my depression and anxiety due to a lot of lone working.

My husband is in the military and we live 200 miles away from friends and family. We move every two years and currently been at our current base for just over a year. I've made many friends here and did socialise quite a lot before I became ill again. However, I've now become to hate it and feel soo trapped. Everyone has children and we've been trying for over a year, again I think another trigger factor. I try and get out of the house but I've developed social phobia and anxiety. I've been back on my meds for over two months and I thought I'd start seeing some improvement. My psychiatrist has suggested psychotherapy but there's a 6 month waiting list and we will be most likely be moving in 6 to 9 months. Also there's a chance that my husband will have to go away for at least a couple of months in spring next year. I've started resenting military life. The only place I feel safe is at my parents or Inlaws which I have stayed with with over the past month. All I want to do is move back near my family but we're stuck, as we can't afford financially to move back plus I'll have a weekend husband and he will have to commute 400 miles a weekend. I love my husband, he's my best friend and I'm so lucky to have him and my family who are so supportive.

I'm trying so hard I'm exercising and try and walk our dog and started cross stich to try and keep my mind off things.

I don't know wants going to happen about my job and we can't afford for me not to work due debts etc. however I've been advised not to go back into that job but I'm too low to even think about applying for new jobs.

Thanks for reading, I'm not looking for answers I guess I just needed to portray how trapped I feel.


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3 Replies

  • Thank you for posting cat83 and not deleting !

    It takes courage to share how you are feeling with others but I think it can help, both you and them, so that people know they are not alone in feeling how they do and also just having people to "connect" with

    It sounds like you are going through a pretty tough time at the moment; however that overall this latest episode aside it would seem that things have stabilised somewhat from your teenage years.

    It must be horrible feeling trapped as you do. I have always found exercise to be helpful with my own moods, so maybe try persisting with that; as you have a dog then you sort of have to anyway! Cross stitch as well although I am not into that myself I have heard that many people have found an enjoyable hobby and it is useful for concentration.

    Please do feel free to share more with us in the future. It is nice to hear from you.

    Gemmalouise xx

  • Thanks and well done for not hitting the delete button.

    Coping with military life as a family member, with all the disruption, uncertainty and living away from your other family and friends must be really difficult. My boyfriend is ex-RAF and I really don't think I could have lived as his partner whilst he was serving - though that was a long time ago. I've always lived and worked in the same area and when I have travelled briefly for work I've always been counting the days till I get home.

    Have you looked at what support might be available from the forces charities - there's a group for 'Additional Needs and Disability Forum' on the SSAFA web-site - there might be others there who are experiencing things much closer to your experience - or have been through them on that forum.


  • Hey Cat, glad you didn't delete the post!

    Sounds like you are having a really tough time. Remember with the job that you have to look after yourself first - when you're that low everything feels overwhelming. Concentrate on getting yourself well again, that's the most important thing :)

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