Having a word with myself... and thinking how far I've come.

[Katlikegirl]

I have nearly completed week three but when I think how far I have come...

I was the girl at school who managed to get away with a whole year of missing sport lessons despite their daily appearance on my timetable. I simply never saw the new sport teacher, she didn't know I existed. I would hide in the library or go to a music lesson instead. Sport, Fitness, Exercise was not for me, and that was final.

Except, I really liked climbing mountains. Living in the Lake District it only seemed natural- why wouldn't I enjoy walking up a hill? But those people who run them... well, they're just spoiling the scenery for themselves. They can't be making the most of their surroundings. I could never become one of 'those' people.

As I got older, I suddenly realised I was friends with 'those' people. They ran up and down hills and really enjoyed it. They invited me to come. 'Ha! Have you seen the size of me? There's no way I could run up a hill'. They assured me that you don't have to run up the hill, even in competitive races people walk some of the ascent, and the run down is amazing. I told them my fear of running downhill and going head over heels, 'What if I can't control myself and I just end up rolling down and hurting myself'.

They told me to, 'Give it a go and see how you feel.' One of my non-fell-running friends offered to come with me for support. She said she'd like to do more outdoor running (a frequenter of the gym, she was incredibly fitter than me!). So we walked to the top of a well known hill nearby- fine, yes, I can do that no problem, why on earth would I want to run down it when I can walk perfectly well?

I stood for what felt like an embarrassing amount of time just thinking about setting off and running. The voice in my head questioning, 'What if you fall? What if you fall?'. My friend set off, calling, 'Come on!' as she went. So I took the plunge and raced after her, down the dirt track, looking not dissimilar to Phoebe running in Friends (though definitely not as lean!). My arms were flailing and my feet bouncing off side to side as I navigated the rocky path.

'Wow this is fun! I'm going so fast!... Oh, I'm out of breath. Got to stop. Sorry Friend.'

We combined walking and running as much as I could on the way home. I really enjoyed it and wanted to do more...

So, I tried to do it on my own... there was much more walking than running. I did little bits here and there but would never describe myself as a runner, or even as someone who would take regular exercise.

About 9 months passed and, coming out of the depths of Winter, I suddenly felt inspired again. I wanted to do something more than walking, and I wanted to be fitter. I joined a Slimming club with my Sister-in-Law and began going to an early morning Bootcamp session with my (much fitter) friends. It turns out, 7.30am Bootcamp on a Saturday will keep you out of the pub on a Friday night! I also didn't realise how much I could get done after the session, I was so full of energy. I felt like someone had given me extra time at the weekend. I wanted to do more! I wanted to run!

So my Sister-in-Law suggested we start the C25K together. She knows I'm a big fan of plans and structure so it sounded right up my street. It was something we could to together even though we have different levels of fitness.

With the runs, I often begin, thinking, 'Right, I'm going to do this.'

This soon turns into, 'I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die!'

So I have to have a little word with myself and say, 'Well everybody dies sooner or later.'

'But I'm going to die today!'

'Did you die the last time you went for a run?'

'No.'

'Well it is unlikely that you will die today then. Isn't it?'

'That is flawed logic.'

'You're still running, aren't you?'

'Well, yes, I am.'

'And you haven't died yet, have you?'

'No, but I feel like I'm going to... Wait a minute, I'm quite enjoying this! Yay me! I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!'

'See, told you so.'

'I'm the one doing the running.'

'Me too, we can do this together.'

I feel like I am not just doing this with my Sister, I am finally doing it with myself (and I think I am fully on board now).

Sister couldn't make the run this morning but I was up and dressed so I went for a walk up the hill and found myself running all the way down and back home (save a short bit of walking so as not to scare the cows!).

[Stealthrunner]

Love this blog! You, too, sound like you may have discovered the wonder of Second Wind. I discovered Second Wind during my first 5-minute run - couldn't believe I'd only run for two and a half minute when Laura announced the half-way mark. At that point, I nearly gave up but suddenly, I got my Second Wind and a huge grin spread across my face. Soon after, I also managed to start looking around at the scenery while running, not just bumbling along with my eyes fearfully glued to the ground and hands ready to catch me when I took the tumble I was convinced was imminent. Looking forward to the next thrilling instalment now, Katlikegirl!

[Katlikegirl Graduate in reply to Stealthrunner]

Oh yes, the second wind is very much welcome!

[blueboots Graduate]

Hilarious, the image of Phoebe running and the talking yourself out of dying on the run. I have so been there and still am on the occassional bad day. You've just got to keep running so that you can keep blogging.

[Katlikegirl Graduate in reply to blueboots]

I'm still partial to a bit of Phoebe running, I just tell myself that the flailing arms must be giving me an upper-body workout!

[Malcy Graduate]

A brilliant post! Thanks for sharing your experiences Phoebe... I mean Fozzie... or rather Katlikegirl (:->)

I have those talks with myself all the time - I once heard a psychologist talk about the chimp on our shoulders that whispers in our ear, feeding self doubt. He simply pointed out that if you put the chimp into his (or her!) cage, he (or she!) will shut up. It isn't quite as easy as that though, is it? Sometimes I have t shout at it - often out loud, which gets me more than a few funny looks...

Keep up the good work

[Katlikegirl Graduate in reply to Malcy]

I'm trying to embrace the little monkey on my shoulder, a bit of 'stroky stroky, catchy monkey'. Feeding it little treats, now and then, helps too Although, I have also been known to shout at it when it doesn't cooperate!

[Katlikegirl Graduate]

Hello to all above. The next instalment of my blog has been posted

[potato_jo Graduate]

Heya Kat -- this was a great post. Enjoyed reading it.  Just did the Avebury to Stonehenge walk today (26 miles/9 hours). No running for me, and not a hill in sight...not a real hill anyway. Hope to get running again in a few days.

You and your partner are amazing! So glad to have met you two in Crete.  Hope you keep running...and stay injury free. 

Cheers!