I was so excited to do my second run for week 2. On Sunday, a surprised myself by managing the first run of week 2 with no trouble, and even having a bit of extra oomph at the end. I felt eager to continue, and confident that I would be able to keep getting better.
Today did not meet my expectations.
Granted, I have had a headache all day, and found myself sleeping something like 14+ hours. But I wasn't really that sick, and all I had to do was keep up a light job for 90 seconds at a time.
It started drizzling outside, so after taping my knees, I put on a hoodie. Then my partner J and I got going. My preferred route has a steepish hill at the beginning, with a gradual descent and gentle hills after that (avoiding hills requires driving out of my area.) My first run was a slow trudge up the hill, but I made it. The next couple of intervals would continue up, but mostly at a gentle incline.
On that first interval, with my barely-jogging pace, a treacherous thought hit me. It hurts to run for that interminable 90 seconds. I must be delusional to think I can run 5 minutes, let alone 30 in a couple months! My step faltered. I hoped that each measure of that "running" music was the last, that it was time to rest. Finally it was.
My next interval was on a very gentle upwards incline, almost flat. It should have been easy. J, who is so much stronger than I, took off running on his own (he doubles back to meet me). I ran perhaps half the interval, with the drizzle turning to rain, and just couldn't make myself keep going.
I stopped and cried instead, a wrenching sob more appropriate for grieving widows and babies than weak runners. I felt like such a failure. And also stupid for being so distraught. And also pathetic for not trying harder and faltering long before the program got really hard.
I changed my route and headed for home. My tears mixed with the rain as I slogged back with my tail between my legs. All I can say is, I really hope I am ever able to progress, because this does not bode well for me.