"You don't look like a runner..." she said, and it's upset me far more than it should have.
I should have asked her to clarify, but I was so surprised by the comment that I did nothing, except that inward recoil when one is blind-sided. We were discussing what we hoped to achieve in 2024, and I mentioned booking my next 5K and hoping to be able to complete it all this time without walking.
I took the comment as a negative. Her husband had been a marathon runner, so I could only think of it as a negative. The comment has preyed on my mind since.
I'm cross with myself for not asking her what she meant.
I'm cross with myself for not saying "running is something one does, not something one looks".
I'm cross with myself for not saying that when I see runners, none of us look the same so whatever does she mean?
It's the sort of comment which in the past would have catapulted me into anorexia, which I've battled with twice already.
I'm now regaining my health after an undiagnosed and untreated hypothyroid. Yes, I'm chunkier than her marathon runner husband, but I wish people would simply remove comments about other people's bodies from their vocabulary.
I'm going out for a run tomorrow. I may wear a pink tutu, fairy wings and red stripy tights. Hows that for "looking like a runner"?
Has anyone here experienced negative comments from non-runners and how did you handle it?
PS. In better running news, I ran 4K on Monday, without walking, including ALL the uphill bits!
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SummerDark
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I’m so sorry someone said that to you. You are a runner. She was in the wrong for all the reasons you’ve said. We’re all shapes, sizes, backgrounds…. Anyone who runs is a runner and we’re so pleased you’re part of our motley crew of run buddies.
SummerDark I think the word you're looking for is 'afterism'. It's like an aphorism but you don't think of it until after the moment passes.
Don't let one person's unthinking comment ruin your day. I definitely don't look like her marathon runner husband either (I'm pretty sure my husband is mightily relieved about that) but I'm a runner.
This is exactly what I was going to say: YOU RUN, SO YOU ARE A RUNNER. I'd print that out or have it as a screen saver or fridge magnet!
(Oh, and I'm definitely up for running up and down past her house in a pink tutu! Though [inserts tongue firmly into cheek] I DO NOT look like a ballerina!)
That has happened to me three times in the last 6 years. All 3 from other men. On two occasions their OH’s …very much better halves in fact… were with them and they put them in their place…as in “ he is moving a lot faster than you ever do!” The last time was when I was doing a long slow run coming back from injury. He was bumbling along on a bike; enough said! By contrast everyone else I meet on my usual route gives me a cheery hello/ good morning etc. I have never responded to any of this ; not worth the effort. 🙂
Everyone else I've told, and the people I run past, have been really positive towards me running. I suppose I'm lucky that it's happened now and not in the first week, when it may have really put me off. Thank you for commenting. I appreciate it.
Yes, it has been a real challenge to be able to do the hill run at the end of the 4K and I've been really pleased. Also surprised at how well the body can improve. Monday is the first time I've managed it.
That never changes. I am going to run one of my hill runs on Monday for the first time in a couple of months. It will be slow, my heart rate will go up and VO2 max will fall, but I know it will be easier week on week. The body adapts amazingly well, even at my age!
This is not pleasant and some folk need to taste their words before they spit them out. You are as MissUnderstanding says.. a runner ! You have got it... flaunt it... x
It is so tempting to find something snarky to respond , isn’t it, like “And you don’t look like someone wanting to hurt other people’s feeling, but here we both are…”
Runners come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and it’s a shame that many of us have discovered that only late in life and many other non-runners still don’t experience enough runners in their full diversity everyday on our streets and trails!
But here we come! You go for it!
Well done for not letting it get you down! (And greetings from a fellow hypothyroid sufferer)
I love that. It's funny all the 'smart' things you think of, that you could have said, later. (Usually the best place for them. Like writing the bitter email reply and then deleting before sending).
It's horrible when someone makes a negative comment like that. My brother-in-law made the comment 'all the gear and no idea' not long after I'd started running - after 68 years! I took it so far to heart that my confidence plummeted and even now I get a bit upset about it from time to time. Just remember YOU ARE A RUNNER. It doesn't matter what you look like or how fast or slow you are running. You are getting out there, improving your physical and mental health. The critics are probably lying on the sofa clogging their arteries up!!! I've just completed my 23rd Park Run today. I'm not fast but I'm getting out there. No-one cares what I look like (what does a runner look like anyway??) and I've made some PR buddies too. Keep going, we're all here for you. 😊🏃♀️
It really took me by surprise. Thank you for your support Today I was working, and I just wanted to be out in the sunshine having a run... I'll go tomorrow!
Try not to feel cross with yourself! It would be nice in some ways to have a smart retort, but thankfully, most of us don’t walk around expecting people to say something so insensitive, so we are as you say, blindsided. The crossness can be reserved for them, not you!
I have had a comment from a couple of men, one in life, one in virtual, along the lines of I should be able to go faster/it shouldn’t be as hard as I’m making out. I look fitter than I run, if that makes sense.
I think we all battle with the standards commonly set in school, where if you weren’t among the fastest/best, you were dismissed. Running slowly, for health benefits, for enjoyment, is beyond the scope of some people’s understanding. I don’t know about you, but I have definitely wrestled with my own demons about what it is to be a runner, ie, I’m not fast enough, it’s too laboured, etc.
I suppose if you were as unfortunate as to be asked that again, perhaps you’ll remember this and say: Oh yes? What should a runner look like, in your opinion?
What SHOULD a runner look like? In my opinion, it’s someone who is out running.
You're right. I was dismissed in sport at school and as a result, thought I "hated" running. Not the case, as it turns out. And the small targets I've set myself I've achieved, so I'm doing more than I ever would have believed. Thank you for your support
You are definitely a runner! You chose to run and a runner you are. Forget about her comment because believe it or not I would bet my money on the fact that she probably hasn’t lost any sleep over what she said to you as she sounds quite selfish, socially inept and obviously doesn’t think before she speaks. Don’t lose another minute of sleep or worry because quess what you need all of your energy to run ! run! and yes you’ve guessed it more running!🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️If it helps each time you look in your mirror shout out “ I am a runner.”
Remember your running family here will always have your back❤️
Those words are designed to hurt, which actually tells a whole story about both characters in that conversation. One weak, one strong, one cowardly, one overcoming, one who can talk, one who can achieve.
But next time, have that retort gun loaded, just in case, “funny, you actually do look like a b——“
Anyone who runs with other people, who goes to Parkrun or signs up to a running event, will know that the best thing about us is that we are a very diverse bunch! I love that about running and I am sorry that this thoughtless comment caught you off-guard.
I will remember your very wise words from above… "running is something one does, not something one looks". A perfect reposte should I ever need it!
Im sorry that was said but you are a runner and nothing can take that away , whoever said that is small minded and jealous so please don’t dwell on that comment you are doing fantastic and 4k and park runs 🙌 xx 🐈
I don’t look like a runner -whatever that is. I’m a dumpy mid-fifties woman still trying to lose the baby weight (son is 30 with children of his own now). I will never look like a wiry ultra runner but I’m out there - running. When I first started approaching my 40s I was self conscious, ran in the dark and in dark clothing. Now I go whenever suits me, lunchtimes or morning rush hour. I’m in bright lycra leggings often with sharks or sunflowers on and bright tops - owning it! Still waddling along at snails pace doing my own thing.
I read on another forum about a lady who was doing C25K on a treadmill and a young lad was laughing at her with his friends. He got on the machine next to her and copied her technique and pace mockingly but couldn’t maintain it and soon had to stop whilst she trounced his a*s.
I work with a couple of fit, slender people who are not very flexible. They can’t touch their toes or get anywhere near them. I can get my hands flat on the floor. Who knows what hidden talents we are hiding? Embrace who you are and all your hidden talents and realise you are a much nicer person than she is and possibly a better runner too!
Have a look at Be Your Happy Place if you fancy loud leggings. They have some great ones 😀🏃♀️😁 Compression, soft, pockets, no pockets..... they are fab!
This is simply beautiful. I did C25K last year as a 60 year old guy (61 when I finished it). I started off from recovering from injury, after 3 years of illness. Only months before I'd barely been able to cross the patio, now I was running for ONE WHOLE MINUTE.
I ran in daylight, but I ran in dark clothes; ordinary joggers and a black T-shirt. I really don't think it matters what you wear to run, but it took this website and the wonderful folk who inhabit it, for me to realise that I was a runner.
I AM a runner. I own it.
I now have two absolutely fantastic pairs of running shoes. I have running leggings & shorts. I have bright blue and pink tops. If it is dark I wear fluorescent yellow.
Most runners I see are much younger and fitter than I, but very few are snooty. Everyone I see out there running, regardless of age, shape, gender, level of fitness - they are all runners. I greet them all and think they're all fantastic.
I strongly suspect there is an element of 'envy' in that person's ridiculous comment! You only have to watch the London marathon to see what a 'runner' looks like!- a human being that is getting out there and pushing themselves to achieve great things- whether it be 2k or 20k. BE PROUD!
It is very disappointing how people go through life pushing their negativity on others. She is not alone and unfortunately we will come across people like them in our everyday life.
My mum used to say to me. “Prove them wrong, show them how wonderful you are, they will come around” (In her wonderful Caribbean accent)
I am 59 and it is the best advice I have ever been given.
Last year as I was slowly running towards three elderly men who were walking, one of them shouted out something on the lines of 'What do you call that? You need to speed up. It's no use going so slowly' making the other two laugh but it really upset me. I just continued on my way but kept thinking I should have shouted back 'you're so ignorant. Find out about slow running and its benefits before handing out false advice'. It took me a while to get over it making me run in places I was less likely to be noticed. Not any more! Just got back from a slow 4k and feeling great. As should you - you're a runner whatever anyone else says and you don't have to prove it to anyone else!
So sorry this happened to you. Someone else here has said it's just not worth responding, so probably you and I did the best thing by ignoring these negative comments.
If I was a new runner, it could have put me off. I've been slow running a few months now and have experienced the benefits. I'm pleased their negativity didn't stop you! I'm off out on a slow run today too!
Hi Fellow Runner. This person's comments come from ignorance about running. As a fellow 60 odd year old runner who only started this journey in April last year I experienced that kind of comment from my internal mental saboteur. Not now happy to report and much credit to all the supportive voices on this platform for that change in my mental outlook on what running is/what runners are. Luckily not directly negative comments about what I might look like from another person. Comments I've had sometimes have referred to my speed or rather lack thereof 😁 I'm not going to waste my precious breath on trying to explain the joys of my journey with SAF (Slow As F@#!%) 🤣 or Nico Nico but rather pity those that haven't found it in themselves to be as enlightened as people on this platform. It's your journey its your running, and in the words of the magnificent Ru Paul "Unless their paying your bills, pay those b......s no mind" I sometimes have a Ru Paul track list playing in my mind so that I can run in peace from my internal voices ❤️ Fantastic 4k - I couldn't do hills until graduating from C25K. All power to you.
LOVE that you that you ran your 4k including HILLS! Fabulous attitude - and clearly you're a nicer and more generous person than the snarky woman who made the comment. How bitter and mean to say that in a conversation about what you hope to achieve in 2024 - i.e. a potentially intimate/personal conversation. Cheers to you!🥂
I'm fast approaching 60 and have been running for nearly 4 years. What I've learned through my running journey is that most enjoyment comes from my slowest runs where I'm enjoying the outdoors and scenery.I've been referred to as a jogger by 2 different people in the past couple of months and it was said in a negative way. "That's not running, it's jogging"
Little do they know my fastest 5k is just over 29 mins and I can still run it in 30-31 mins now if I so choose.
So my point is, people can be ignorant, uncaring and pretty stupid at times and I choose to hold my head high as I go "jogging" on past. 😉
Well done on your achievements and carry on holding your head high fellow runner. 👐😀
5K in under 30 minutes is such an achievement. I'm aiming for 40 minutes at my next timed event, currently achievable I think! But whatever the time, the health benefits are always a win! Thank you!
I challenge anybody to find a single person among the millions who have completed Couch to 5K over the 13 years since the NHS adopted it, or since it was created in 1996, who would ever discourage anyone else from running, let alone say “You don’t look like a runner.” They know runners look like whatever any one or every one of us sees when we look in the mirror. We are runners and you are with us. Imagine the millions of us with you when you run. Imagine the millions of us with you on your rest and recovery days. Imagine our roar together when you get out there. And imagine us all in reply to nonsense.
I have clicked the like button, but actually there is nothing to like about this ☹️
I too have had the rude comments, but it says far more about them than it ever will about me. As the saying goes, not my circus not my monkeys 😁
Be proud of you accomplishments 🙏 and ignore the unkind remarks of people who are clearly fighting their own demons. Onwards and upwards, complete with tutu and fairy wings 🧚♀️
Whatever happened to live and let live! These snide remarks are designed to do just what it did, it knocked your confidence. Next time you're out running, take a look around you, you wouldn't be able to write a list on an A4 piece of paper of what a 'runner' looked like. But she who knows nothing probably could and she'd be wrong. We're all shapes, sizes, ages, capabilities, but what are we doing? We're running! I've just started again after a few years away and GOD it's good to be out again 😁
oh my gosh I have only just seen your post via Oldfloss and I just had to respond to offer you solidarity and shared anger on your behalf!
Not only was that person inordinately rude and offensive whether intentionally or not- but they clearly have (to quote Hermione Granger in Harry Potter) the emotional range of a teaspoon. If only people would stop and think 😡 I have never had any thoughtless comments thrown at me- or none that I’ve heard anyway- and although I might be a bit upset or annoyed I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t let it bother me for long. Lucky me to have that resilience, but we are all products of what has come before and what some people see as banter can be incredibly hurtful to others. I’m sorry you have had this experience. You jolly well go for the tutu and stick a proverbial or better yet actual finger up at them!
As everyone has said, on here we are of the mantra - I run therefore I am a runner - no matter what age size speed or anything else!
Thank you. I don't think I'll be so stung about comments if I receive any again. I've not been running long, but already had such improvements to my health and well-being that someone's hurtful remark isn't going to stop me!
Everyone else, friends and family, people I pass when I'm out running and other runners have been so encouraging and supportive. I was just so taken aback over this comment as it was totally unexpected... but, her comment, her issue!
You are a runner, she is probably just jealous of what you have accomplished! We are all shapes sizes and wear either bright nutty run wear or sleek go faster stripes.
just came on here, to agree with everything else Everyone is saying to you! I am only on my second day this week and felt so self-conscious about going out and was determined to run somewhere quieter, but I’ve been out in the rain both mornings in bright pink leggings and a purple pac a Mac and not felt anywhere near as bad as I thought.
I think if someone said that to me, I would be most upset.
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You have to be born a \"runner\"?
It’s just a cold she said on Monday 
I feel like a runner!
Check me out looking all runner like 😂
You hear that body? You're a runner!!
