I went for a consolidation run on Monday night (my 2nd or 3rd, I can’t remember) and I did it, it was fine. 30 minutes, tick, but each time I do it, it gets slower (and yes, I record on Strava, sorry. I’m obsessed with the idea of improving, so I need a measure). So then I started thinking about my breathing as I’ve seen on here, and elsewhere, the whole ‘run at an easy conversational pace’ thing. I realised I haven’t EVER done that, not even when I was running much ‘better' (further, faster, more consistently) and before I’d had Covid 2 years or so ago. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t contemplate the idea of TALKING at the same time as running!! And PLEASE don’t tell me to go slower … I really, seriously don’t think that’s possible, I’m already going so slow I might stop.
Anyway, I gave it some proper thought while I was slogging along so slowly and realised that I HAD spoken to people along the way (said hello to another runner, exchanged a few words with a dog walker) but that doing so caused me to have to huff and puff for a few yards afterwards. And then I realised that when I stop running, I’m not out of breath, or at least not very, and my breathing returns to normal very quickly. So I think it’s more a case of that I need to really concentrate on my breathing to keep it controlled … I count my in and out breaths, especially when I start to struggle, and talking interrupts my flow, causes my breathing to be less regular and therefore makes me temporarily breathless. So I guess I need to get to the point where the breathing is less of a conscious thing .. any tips, as ever, gratefully received.
At the end of my 30 minutes, I turned round to walk the same route back. It was absolutely filthy weather; windy, cold and pouring with rain, so I decided to run back, for no reason other than I wanted to get dry and have my dinner. I thought doing two 30 minute runs back to back at my inexperienced stage was probably not sensible, so I started intervals of jogging/walking. And THEN I started thinking, I wonder what it feels like to run fast? So I gave it a go, sprintlets of as fast as I could manage for as long as I could manage (which turned out be only about 30 seconds at a time) but it was NICE! I realise I’m not ready to run anything like that, but it felt really good and gave me an idea of what I’m ultimately aiming for.
The next morning I went for my usual dog walk. It’s not very long, but moderately strenuous, with a steep, uneven slope down and then a steep climb up uneven steps through the woods back to the start. Two things dawned on me … 1) I am now (after about 6 weeks of doing this same walk 4 or 5 times a week) walking down the slope much more confidently. I felt strong and centred, I was skipping down the hill like a mountain goat (the sure-footedness, not the smell 😁) and not distracted by the idea that a lady of my advancing years might slip, break all her bones and end up in a sorry heap at the bottom of the mountain. And then back up the hill the other side … I used to stop 3 or 4 times to catch my breath, but now I can do it all in one hit. Things are definitely moving in the right direction!
Last night I did another consolidation run. I didn’t have a plan (which is maybe where I went wrong), I thought I’d just start and see what happened. What happened was that I set off at a belting pace (perhaps because I’d given myself a taste of speed the other night) resulting in feeling like I just couldn’t carry on after about 4 minutes. So I slowed it right down again, then proceeded to do what felt like a very unsatisfactory run / walk intervals type thing for the 30 minutes. The runs were faster than I’d normally do, so the end result was that I covered the same distance in the same time. I felt like a fraud though, like it was cheating not to have run for a solid 30 minutes. Anyone else beat themselves up for not being perfect? Then I walked back and like on Monday night, I felt good, like I wasn’t all run out just yet (also there was a shower, and a fire and my dinner waiting at home) so I jogged. I have no idea how long for, maybe half the distance back, so 10 or 15 minutes, and for the first time EVER, it felt EASY!! It was slow, it was comfortable, I even (finally) got an idea of ‘easy conversational pace’ for a while there. I tried it out, just to make sure i.e. I started talking out loud to myself. If anyone saw me they must have thought I’d lost the plot, but I think I’m (nearly) past caring what anyone else thinks by now.
When I got home my husband pointed out what everyone on here also keeps telling me i.e. that it’s doing it that counts, not the pace or the distance covered. I am still really struggling with that idea, despite knowing that the biggest and best difference in me is my mental health. I have always been horribly competitive (to the point of sometimes just not doing things if I couldn’t be the best at them) and it’s so hard to reconcile that way of being to living in a nearly 59 year old body that doesn’t always want to cooperate.
I'm planning another run on Saturday ... and hoping, not very secretly, that a miracle happens and I run a 30 minute 5k, but trying to settle for the idea that I'll get out there and do whatever my body allows me to do.
(speaking as someone who has never got anywhere near 5k in 30 minutes and couldn't care less)
Thought I’d see what this early morning was all about 
4th post-graduate run - it’s definitely getting easier! 
W5R1 aaaaargh 
Someone pinch me....
