My head hasn’t really been with it of late, personal circumstances taking its toll. I have good days and bad days. But I keep getting up and every other day go for my run wether I want to or not.
My husband moved out a month ago, saying he needed to wrap his head around what he wants in life and needed time apart using the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder!
However, since his departure I have learned he has been having an affair and actually moved in with her (this time apart was to start new life with her). I believe he kept me in the dark as his back up plan should their quick encounter not be what he thought it would be).
So feel not only am I grieving my marriage but a husband I thought I had.
He told me I am making it out to be more calculated than it actually is. It started out innocent and he had not intended to cheat or hurt me. But then he went to her home town with no guarantees, they met up and went to a hotel. She knew he was married with kids and still chose to go to that hotel room before returning to her husband.
One minute he is saying their relationship may not last and he has to live knowing he has lost everything, me, the kids, our home but then follows on to say they have been making future plans, discussing marriage and looking to find a house (currently living in a one bedroom apartment).
It is just baffling, I’m finding it hard to process and deciphering the truth from the lies.
He told me he loves me and always will but he is not in love with me. He thinks I’m beautiful but he is not attracted to me, I have let myself go and gained weight. She on the other hand is 60, smart, bright, intelligent, respectable, attractive, 5 foot and 7 stone.
Todays run was challenging but I did it and the only thing that kept me going was the thought I can’t let his actions take over my life, I need to be thankful that I am healthy and have the love and support to help me move forward.
Happy running 🏃🏼♀️
Written by
LittleMissie
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In no uncertain terms f@ck him! Don't lower yourself to give him the time of day ever again, he's don't it now and wants to string you along just in case or have his cake and eat it as it where...
Dont do this for him or to win him back. He's not worth it. Do this for you, get fitter and stronger for yourself 💪🏻 it will be hard but you can do it and you will wake up one day and be over him and wonder why you didn't do this years ago 😁👍🏻
Thank you Jericho2332, I wouldn’t want him back, the lies have hurt more than the betrayal. My children have begged me not to take him back and that says a lot.
I am doing this for me, hopefully it will help me come back stronger, the weight loss and fitness will be a bonus. Need to focus on the present and the future and leave the past where it belongs in the past 💪🏻🙂
It sounds to me as if you already understand that he is not the person that you thought he was so that is a great start. You must now try to stop thinking that his feelings towards you, and the fact that he says they have changed, is somehow your fault - it is NOT your fault.
Use the running as a way of doing something just for you. Get on with your life and keep controlling the things you CAN control and let go of everything else. Focus on you and try as much as possible not to let his situation/opinions/statements dictate your actions and your mood.
It’s okay to look after you! In fact it’s the right and proper thing to do after your world has been shaken up as it has.
Take care of yourself, Lady. You’re far stronger than you think! And good luck with your running x
Thank you JetsNanna, everything you say makes sense. I am not normally one for opening up, I tend to bottle things up and constantly being told I should as talking helps x
Life gets so messy and complicated sometimes and it’s hard to work out actually what is going on. Deciphering what is truths and lies. Having read your post though,it is clear that he a cheater. You not might think it but you are better off without him.
When you lose someone you love you will go through a grieving process and feel like life is out of your control.
I have no doubt that you are smart, bright respectable and attractive too as he clearly thought that when he met you. As JetsNanna said this is NOT YOUR FAULT.
It is easier said than done, but try to focus on your running, as it is a great mood lifter and gives you some control in your life. And yes weight loss is a bonus ..... and you will feel great, be much fitter and stronger! You can and will get through this.
Thank you Dups. I need to remember this is not my fault or my doing and he is responsible for his actions. I need to ignore his mixed messages and not allow him to manipulate me.
And.... if you want to lose weight make sure that you are doing it for you not with some misguided notion that you need to ‘fix up’ so that he’ll see sense. He is not worth that level of effort if he has lied and cheated already. Any effort you expend should be for YOUR wellbeing and mental health not to feed into his agenda ( if he even has one!)
I am doing this for me and certainly not to win him back. If I ever dieted in the past he used to tell me not to lose too much weight as didn’t like ‘skinny’, woman are meant to be curvy so feel he has been fairly controlling. So everything from now on I am doing for me, getting fitter, slimmer, stronger, healthier and hopefully will become happier x
I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through LittleMissie. Some people always think the grass is greener and end up hurting a lot of people because they become so self centred they don’t even consider the consequence of their actions.
So bloody well done for keeping up the running despite it all, that shows your strength of character and you should do this for yourself and your own well-being. Although it seems a long way off right now you’ll get through this and you’ll always have the support of people on this forum.
Thank you LauraRuns. I do agree with you about becoming self centred and not considering the consequences of his actions but that says a lot about him.
I am overwhelmed with the support and advice received from this forum and thank you all 😘
Lots of solidarity with you today! I hate the way this 'letting yourself go' narrative is used against women to make them feel diminished. Don't get me started!
I'm sure that running will help you stay resilient through all this. Stay strong sister!
Thank you Roxdog, he was pretty brutal with his comments and obviously I haven’t mentioned them all, they are stomach churning and although he did comment it was not his proudest moment he meant every word x
That's awful! Anything he says to you now is going to be either gaslighting or him justifying his own actions to himself.
Saying you "have let [yourself] go and gained weight" is just revealing how shallow he is. What the heck should that matter? As others have said, don't get me started!
Oh, that’s totally s**t. I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. It’s tough that - and makes one question everything.
You mentioned a couple of days ago that you liked running to music. It’s probably corny, but I’m now imagining you smashing your running goals while singing along to Gloria Gaynor’s anthem to empowerment. Be strong, be kind to yourself, and keep posting! 🎶 👊
Thank you. 🎶I will survive 🎤 I’m sure the neighbours would love to hear me belting this tune out at 5.30am 🤣🤣
You are so much better than he is, hold your head high and concentrate on number 1 and that's you. The future is you and your family without him.
Please look after yourself, keep on running if you can, you're bound to get bad days but the good ones will eventually outweigh the bad. The future is you.
Thanks Alicia. I think it’s just hard to digest as she is a lot older than me and seems surreal at times. It’s as if this is someone else’s bad dream but then I remember it is happening to me. I do hope they have found true love and happiness together as we all want to be loved, to love and to be happy. I will focus on me, continue running beyond graduation and I will get there x
I can only imagine what you are going through but you are the better person. The way in which you've taken this ie you hope they've found true love is admirable but also good as it will definitely help your healing process.
Believe me I have wanted them to realise they both made the biggest mistake of their lives, be left all alone regretting their actions and suffer the consequences but that doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t want to turn into that bitter person, I need to stay true to myself x x
Thank you Tinytears60. I do find it hard to open up and tend to keep things bottled. There are only a few who actually know what has happened, close friends, our children and my work. I haven’t reached out to my sisters or my dad yet but don’t feel like having that conversation with them just yet.
He was annoyed that I told the children the truth about why he left and accused me of using them as a weapon, but he lied to them also and they deserved to know the truth just as much as I did.
Running is something I am leaning to for self support, as many people have said exercise makes you happy. Although there are times I have tears rolling down my cheeks whilst out running luckily there aren’t many people about at 5.30am.
In my head I had pictured her to be this blond bombshell and although beauty comes in different forms, affairs usually start because of physical attraction, head turning looks and without sounding bitter was shocked when I saw a photograph of her. I told him I couldn’t see why he was attracted to her other than her blond hair and he asked if that made me feel better.
I am 52 and have 2 school aged children at home to look after.
At the moment he is texting them at least once a day and sees them for one hour each week usually for food but that will change due to the current lockdown and cafe/pub closures.
I do beat myself up when I get upset over him as feel I have shed more tears than he’s worth. But I will come back from this stronger and know I deserve better.
I am truly grateful for all the love, advice and support from my running family 😘
You are an incredibly strong resilient lady snd that in itself is worth a huge pat on the back!
Nobody who makes you cry is worthy of your tears! Remember that!
Anytime you’re feeling low just look at what you’re doing! 👏👏 C25k will be your support! It will be so cathartic for you.. I’ve cried on a few runs, you would be surprised how many people do!
Strong women do tend to bottle stuff and deal with it themselves but it’s definitely better out than in.
I get you not wanting the chat with your family, they know you so well and will probably ask Q’s you’re not ready for yet.. plus as your family they won’t want to see you upset- sure you will tell them in your own time..
Like I said .. try not compare yourself... it’s hard not to ...
how I dealt with it was to think of every negative about him... sounds harsh BUT
Thank you. I have tried with all the negatives and certainly don’t respect him anymore. I know I will be happier without him but it is still quite raw. I may message you as probably need someone else’s perspective particularly if you have had a similar experience. It would be nice to exchange thought processes and receive some advice x x
He wants to have his cake and eat by the sounds of it. He’ll let you know if it doesn’t work out, awwww how kind...he’s all heart isn’t he! What a joke. You carry on jogging and tell him to JOG ON LittleMissie. Here’s your chance to get fit, get the body you’ve always dreamed of without that dumb bell holding you back 👊🏃♀️
Thank you Couchphoenix, he surely does want his cake and eat it and doesn’t care who he upsets in the process. She is most welcome to him but I do wonder how long it will be before he does the same to her! Hopefully in time I will forget all about him and his antics and I know I will never look back. Running is helping me physically and mentally so doubt I will stop 🏃🏼♀️🙂
It’s a great therapy, it’s something positive and something just for you, an investment in yourself for a change, you’re doing great, Graduation Day will soon be in sight well done 👍
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Wk 1 Run 3: Lolloping on the open road. 
Wk 5 Run 🏃🏿 1
