It’s been a very difficult time the past few weeks. I started C25K six months ago, looking forward to my wedding in a year’s time.
I’m no longer getting married, (gee that's hard to type) but I did yesterday run for an hour without stopping.
My relationship ended, from nowhere. Days after gleefully delivering our wedding invitations, my partner simply told me in the middle of drying up pans from our dinner that he didn’t love me anymore. Not in a romantic way anyway.
We had been together for eight years, since I was 19. I’ve never been overweight or close to it, but since starting the programme, I had lost a stone and toned up a lot in the past few months, so I was feeling good about myself. I was running for a healthy lifestyle. For a life I would share with my husband to be. Suffice to say that all that confidence was shattered when he came out with this. I used to think he would still love me if I lost an arm, but now he had apparently fallen out of love with me, for no reason whatsoever.
My life is in a depth of uncertainty I have never experienced before.
It’s been a few weeks now, and we have met up to talk once. Still no answers. He maintains he thought he did love me, but that it just came to him that night, the thought that he might not love me, which he acted on right away, leaving straight away to stay with his sister. I don’t know if he had been lying to himself whilst we planned our life together, or he was just lying to me for however long, and continues to do so by not giving me an explanation.
But back to C25K. Throughout everything the past few weeks, throughout the snow and the regional flooding and the overwhelming urge to stay in bed and sob, I have kept up my running. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life now. I don’t know how to trust anyone ever again and I don't know if I’ll ever get married now. But I will continue to run.
It has been all I have had left lately. And my body continues to surprise me. My life is not as I had expected it would be six months ago. And my life in six months from now when I would have been dancing down the aisle will be different to how I imagined too. I will not be getting married, and my partner, my best friend for the better part of a decade will not be by my side. But I will be running. And when I think of how much I have achieved in six months from this programme, it does make me wonder where my feet will take me further down the road.
Happy running everyone.
Written by
VictoriaRuns
Graduate
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What a story.Wow.🙈🌟Not the first unfortunately and not the last.🙈
Did he share your passion and love of running.🤔
Your a star.🌟Up and at it girl.👏👏
He may have given you a huge gift ,🤔just like the C25k programme and forum.🌟
Pity it took so long, whimp.🤔🙈Put it behind you and have the strength to move on and pursue your dreams.🏃♀️💫
I am a father and grandfather and a stoneage techie dinasur 🦕who just wants to run.🏃♂️
and wants to help and give something back after 74 years.😴🌞
Believe in you and love yourself🌟for the present and always.🌟
Do not let him take away your trust,he does not deserve to be rewarded with that, whatever transpires.🤔🌟🌞💫
Not sure that is relevant, but because of painfully memories of a loved one with a stolen youth.🙈 What if it had been you that had found the strength to end it and move on.🤔 Just guess he would been the broken one with a problem on his hands.Pleased to say loved one happily sorted with her own family.🌟👏👏
Be strong and secure in yourself and your own judgement.🌟
You have set a target that I can only dream about,at present.🙈😂😂
Do not know how I personally could regain some one’s Trust , after inflicting so much pain and confusion.🤔
You have received heart felt advise and support and only you know how you can use that🤔, there is one thing for sure as pinkaardvark advises you have a wonderful life ahead of you.
Believe that.🌟
Your are in pain but without knowing it, you are already stronger.🤔🌟👏👏❤️
Bless ya. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through and who knows what the futures going to hold. But u do have a future I can say that for certain. I have been through a divorce myself so I know this takes time and healing doesn’t happen overnight. I hope you have other friends that can help you through this and keep up with the running. Running may be the thing that helps u gets you through this. Take care x
Thank you. The not knowing has thrown be through a loop, but you are right, we all have futures and that's worth being reminded of. I hope you are well and truly healed now
Oh my word! What to say, where to start. I do think though it was best not to go ahead in light of his feelings 🙁
It’s devastating news indeed but you move on. Uncertainly maybe, but I believe strongly about as one door closes another one opens. Who knows what can happen. In your case it really is about simply putting one foot in front of the other, as you pick up the pieces of your life and try and move forward. Running will give you some much-needed free time and room to think about things, and hopefully lay plans
It’s all sudden and shocking for you which can’t be easy. Take care of yourself in all this. You need to be well! So, eat healthily, take care of you, get some sleep - more sleep is always healing - if you can manage it 🙂
Joining a group like ours is a good idea as there is a wealth of knowledge here about all sorts, and folks are kind and supportive. We have folks here who have met up to run together. We keep a list of races going on here. See Stickies, which is a chance to meet and run with others, or just cheer them on if they’re near you. Also, have you thought of joining a local running club? I think that might just give you the boost you need. Running with others is not just good fun but about safety in numbers too 😃👍
You can link runs here as well as peeps are on Garmin and strata etc 🙂
Thank you. I agree, I'm glad he didn't marry me out of obligation, I want to be married to someone who loves me, I just wish he hadn't waited till 8 years together and a few days after our invites were delivered.
I'm quite in the sticks in Gloucestershire so I'm not sure there are any running groups anywhere near me, but as for safety in numbers, that's also another motivation of mine for starting to run. Some let's just say not nice things have happened to me in the past whilst out and about and I wanted to reclaim the street by being able to run again. I like to run by myself, but perhaps running with others could build my confidence again. I'm just not sure how to do this.
Fantastic run, but sorry to hear the back story. I know exactly how that feels, that feeling of grief and loss and how hard it is to come to terms with when there aren't suitable answers. No doubt you have heard all the platitudes before so theirs no need for me to repeat them, but do keep running, you are still very young and will have an amazing life ahead of you
I know it sounds silly, but I do not feel young. I feel like I've wasted my best years, when at the time, I thought I was investing. We spent a lot of time apart, about as much as did together which was good for our own development, but whenever I was away and enjoying myself I used to think how much nicer it would be with him there and how my happiness was a bit of a waste not being able to share it with him. Now I think of all the times we spent together and how they were a waste, as I will not be able to think back on them fondly now.
It feels like a lot of effort to ever invest quite so much ever again, and that feels much older than the 27 I am yet to turn.
But I'm also aware that is feelings of grief and loss you mention talking. I don't know about an amazing life now, but some sort of one for sure. And there will be running.
So sorry this has happened to you. I know it's hard to believe now but things will get better. Wallow a bit, grieve for the future you thought you were going to have, then pick yourself up and start building your new future. You can do it! I don't know if any of these are near enough for you to join? glosoracle.com/gloucestersh...
Might be worth contacting some of them to see if they know of anything in your area? or just Google running clubs + the name of your town/village. Or, if you have a fairly local leisure centre, you could ask there.
This must have been quite a difficult post to write DoYouRemember21, but shows that you are determined to meet challenges and carry on with the rest of your life...
Some things are beyond our control....looking after ourselves and picking ourselves up, are not. That was a fabulous run and showed great strength...
A big hug from me, and remember we are here, and we all run together.😊x
Please have no regrets,you can only change your future now and you will. Believe it.🌟
Similar situation happened to my daughter and she and we are so blessed with her happiness and grandchildren,and at probably the latest opportunity.She found the strength and never looked back.🌟👏👏
At 70,I had no grandchildren, just like buses four came along at once.🤔🙈😂😂😂💫
Thank you.The replies are easier 🤔😂😂.Think we can just naturally respond with hopefully some gems to offer🤔 I find the posts more difficult because I have to try and be more patient and thoughtful. Sharing in this forum is just the best.Life changing. Thank you.🌟👏👏
So sad for you but I am glad that running is helping you get through it. Good luck for the future.
Thank you. Yes it is, it is magic in that way. It has helped me at times this past few months but I didn't realise how much it could until the last couple of weeks.
Hi DYR21, thank you for sharing that with us - you have great courage even if it doesn’t feel like that - sending you a big cyber hug!
I know three other people who had a similar experience of a seemingly settled relationship going pear shaped when wedding plans got going - somehow it triggered doubts - I know it’s horrible & a dreadful shock, but better to know now than later. You will come through this, find your way forward and recover. Take one day at a time for a while, plan something good for youself into every day (however small), keep enjoying your running, it will help. You will work your way through this time to better days. The good things of life may be hiding behind a curtain temporarily, but they are still there waiting for you to grab them with both hands. Xx 😃
There is nothing i can write that will take away the shock or feeling you are going through right now, just know that, like your running there is a depth of support for you. Sometimes cold feet is more than cold feet and there is something to be said for an honesty, even when it breaks our hearts. Look after you and believe in yourself we are capable of pulling ourselves through the toughest of times. Hugs Rfc x.
No words can ease the confusion, sadness and loss you are feeling now.
My Nan used to tell me, that some things are just not meant to be... she would tell you that your partner was meant to be part of your life, but not meant to be there for ever...
Hollow words maybe, but your strength and resilience is already showing through...you have trusted us and shared, this deeply personal news.
This is going to be one of the hardest paths you will have to travel for a while, but... you will travel it, and you will not be alone.
You are already moving forward and made the positive decision that this is not the end of your running... and clearly, not how your story is going to end.
Not hollow words at all. My nan says similar things, although I have not had the courage to call her and speak to her yet as I feel guilty for depriving my grandad (92 and not at his best) of the wedding he was so looking forward to. Hopefully I will make them both proud in other ways and that will start with sticking with this. I'm not going anywhere, thank you
You are the last one who should be feeling guilty! Your grandad will understand I’m sure how terrible you must be feeling at this apparent rejection. I say ‘apparent’ because although it may not seem so, I doubt it’s you that your ex has rejected so much as the commitment of marriage. Which makes him not worthy of you as clearly you are someone who commits body and soul, whether it’s running or a relationship.
Stick with the running as it will help you preserve your sense of self and gradually your confidence will return.
Not sure if anyone has suggested Park Runs? Might be a drive away but you could well meet up with local runners there and the companionship and support I gather is usual at these would be helpful. I’m some way off being able to do then yet as I can’t yet run 5k but loads of people swear by them.
Thank you. Yes the nearest Park Run is a drive away, I'm not sure I yet have the confidence but I will try to try one out in the next few months and let you all know how I do 🙈
Ouch. It hurts, I know. It is the human condition and without pain you can’t know joy. You will recover but it’s a process and will take time.....
But , man, what a great run! If you can do this whilst you feel so bad, just imagine how you will do when you feel good (which you will again you know)
Just sending you a big virtual hug as a lot has already been nicely written. Very often, looking back at our worst times, we find out that we've learnt a lot and that sometimes good things have come out of the bad. It will take time but you've already found out that amidst all the chaos, running is a great way to be stronger physically and mentally. So keep running for yourself, enjoy it but also listen to your body (don't run yourself to exhaustion). In any case, so well done for your last run: the 10k are coming your way!
Thank you. It seems momentous to have to rebuild my life now, but i wouldn't have thought I'd be running for an hour six months ago so I suspect I am capable, at the very least, of running a bit further.
You'll make it,on a literal as on a figurative level! You know that song by Chumbawamba "I get knocked down, but I get up again"... Take care of yourself first. xx
I am sorry to read this. I took up running when my husband left me after 24 years of marriage and 3 years of friendship before that. It is devastating. Well done for getting out there, and for your commitment to carrying on with your running. It will get easier, and you will be able to look back on the memories without as much pain - it just takes time.
Meanwhile, I strongly encourage you to go to parkrun. I know you say you need to find the courage - why not post on here to see if there's anyone who runs at your local, or who might want to visit? It's always nice to meet up with a fellow C25K-er. You don't have to run together, but it's nice to have someone else to start with and celebrate with at the end.
Look after yourself - cry when you need to, talk to friends, continue to do the basics like getting enough sleep, eating the right things, showering etc. And run. And if it helps, be angry - stomp on his miserable little face with every step you take Then breathe, and put it away, and look after you. Take care.
Thank you so much, for your advice and for sharing your own story. I know other people have been through similar and survive and even thrive, but it just feels so hard right now. It is nice to hear from the other side of things.
I am so sorry to read this. I'd noticed you didn't seem to be around so much and wondered how you were getting on.
I imagine it must all feel very raw and unmanageable right now. You will get through this though, and while I appreciate this is probably the worst of the platitudes, it is definitely better for this to happen now rather than later. Believe me when I say that at 27 you really truly are young, and people continue to grow and develop all through their lives. There isn't an expiry date on finding the right relationship even though our youth-oriented society can make it feel that way. We're often in a rush to settle down but to be honest I wish I had been a little older, with a greater sense of self worth and a more stable idea of who I was, before entering into the relationship that ultimately led to marriage.
I hope that running can help you find some peace and locate those reserves of inner strength you no doubt have.
Thank you so much, everyone is so kind to take the time to write such thoughtful replies to me! I feel as if I am taking the forum with me when I run now
It takes a strong woman to say all that out loud. You “ARE” stronger than you know. My friend hasn’t long gone through the same battles. Keep telling yourself it’s his loss. The nagging doubt will be there for a while but true friends will help you through.
It’s good that you are running as you have something to focus your mind and drive you forward.
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Then breathe, and put it away, and look after you. Take care.
Graduation Run
What is it that you don't do, now that you do run?
One Step forward Two Steps Back
Is running blindness/brain freeze a thing?
The secret is out!!
