Drain the vat of self-doubt!

Having conquered the urge to let Laura warble at time and a half just to get the whole ghastly process over and done with, I am now mid week 6 on proper time and delighted to be there.

I have run through mists (keeping an eye out for any Killer Clowns although I don't think rural Somerset attracts them- fog smears the make-up), rain, school buses full of gurning school kids (my own cringing with embarrassment among them) and the derisive laughter of the gremlins.

Yesterday I had an annual diabetic check up. No matter how much I pretend my Type 2 is down to familial tendencies I have to admit to being too fat and too lazy and I dread these appointments as they are stark in making me accept how unfit I am.

They also remind me that my Mum died at my age (48) of a heart attack and if I don't do something to keep my heart healthy I am merely beckoning similar problems my way.

Well, yesterday I learned I am at my lightest, lowest cholesterol, lowest blood sugar, best blood pressure for SIX years!!

I know I can't put this all at the door of Couch to 5K but it has a hell of a lot to do with it. I am also happier. Although the Nurse was so pleased with me she suggested sprinting intervals next- ha! Good luck with that advice.

This morning I ran as the sun rose over the Somerset Levels and was just so relieved I stuck with it so far. That I managed to push those thoughts of how I must look, that I would reach my 5 K but would still be a torpid slug, that I was just wasting my time as I'd always be a blob, away for just long enough to get the runs in.

Now I appreciate where I live and how I live much more and I am convinced I'll graduate. My Mum would be delighted!

If I can do this at 48 with at least 2 stone to lose and a vat of self-doubt then everyone can get here. Never give up!

The gremlins are the only clowns.

15 Replies

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  • I wish you posted more... your two posts are great! They really make me smile.

    Well done you for getting on with this and just doing it.. I just wish I could give you some slightly more positive vibes.. :)

    When I read your posts, there is a real contradiction of positive and negative comments.... :) You are so right to push those negative thoughts away... you are not a blob, you are not a torpid slug... you are a strong woman who is determined to find the person she really is and wants to be. You call it a 'ghastly business 'and still you just run...Wow!

    Just open the tap on that vat of self doubt and then fill it with the strong draught of determination that you obviously have !

    Pesky mind gremlins are a pain.. they either have to be ignored or squished flat with every step we run :)

    You run, in what sounds to be a beautiful, and clown-free area... you are physically really, really, making progress, you have external affirmation of that.. brilliant! There are a few of us on here with parents, who are not withing reach anymore. but they are there, in us, in our minds and in our hearts... your Mum, I feel sure is giving you the boost you need to do this:)

    So, slow, and slower, steady as you go and keep posting please?

    There is a great quote... ( Sorry i am a bit of a quote freak)

    " Don't be afraid if you run with doubt and uncertainty; just keep running, they won't be able to keep up ."

  • Thank you for this- what a lovely post! I am so glad the Levels are level ;)

    I will get there and it will be thanks to people like you.

  • You totally will get there.. we will be right beside you...or behind you giving a small shove! :)

    I am 66, and a year on after C25K, still a running beginner, still learning, still running three times a week... and I am a tad pleased because have just managed a 10 K...I was the original Grey Nail and as the saying goes.. if I can......you know the rest:)

    Well done :)

  • That's fantastic news, and I'd have no doubt that the running is the main cause. I'm only on week 3 but already feeling the benefits. One reason I wanted to do C25K was to get off my Statins, since they cause all sorts of aches and pains as a side effect. However I've found that I've got a few new ones in my legs. Thank God for Ibulieve! :)

  • I'm on statins too but without any effects I think although as you say these may be submerged by the muscle twinges I get now I run 3 times a week!

    Maybe we can wean ourselves off them....what a great thought.

  • Well done....I think the statins thing is a very, very difficult subject.. and obviously different for each individual. Genetic and hereditary links are really important when considering the pros and cons. there is a lot of, valid research out there... (not media hype), which does enable us to try to make the correct decision.

    Really important to seek specialist medical advice before making decisions. But, I am a bit of a research and, find out, person, and with a history of heart disease in my family, this is an area that really interests me :)

  • Well done on your achievements so far. I'm due the dreaded yearly check up in November .I hate it because nothing ever changes .( My own fault though,i like eating too much) i'm on blood pressure tablets and my cholesterol needs to be lower .I'm about 3 stone overweight. .every year the nurse tells me to do more exercise so if i don't get a sticker or a lolly for doing this couch 2 5 k there will be trouble 😁 I'm really hoping that she can see an improvement .I'm same as you I'm not fast at all but each run that I complete spurs me on to the next one . We can do this .πŸ˜‰

  • A lolly would be perfect - the irony! I am just now in Week 6 beginning sometimes, just a tad, only around the edges....to actually enjoy some bits of the running. I kind of don't want to say it as there are some gremlins with pitchforks who jab you if they hear anything positive but bring it on! Yes we will do it and the diabetic nurses better watch out. Good luck and let us know!

  • It's weird isn't it enjoying exercise πŸ˜‚never ever thought I could run but have proved myself wrong. Ready to start week 8 on Friday or Saturday. Hope I can do those extra minutes . I'll keep you posted πŸƒπŸƒ

  • I have family in Somerset and I did one of my early runs looking up at Glastonbury tor. It is a great place to run, and you are obviously doing fantastically! Keep going, you are getting there!

  • Fab fab fab post. Kudos to you for being so determined and positive, and congratulations on the awesome health results!

  • Thank you! I do feel LOADS better

  • Good for you! You can lose 2 stones no bother if you keep moving, running in particular ☺

    I don't do gremlins so they don't cause me an a'peth of bother 😊

    Keep plugging away, slow but sure

  • Wonderful, humane post by someone who is taking there well being by the scruff of the neck and getting on with it and succeeding!... Fantastic you can see the benefits of your efforts. I know what it's like dreading the doctors scales and the test results... takes effort to turn that round.

    Good luck (not that you need it!) through the rain and sun and the highs and lows - I'm sure you'll make it. Try not to be hard on yourself.... you are out there doing it. Everything else (vat of self doubt) is a mirage. You are in control, succeeding and making the right choices. Keep going, no races here.

    And you have added to my bank of motivation and inspiration as to why we are doing this. Thank you for that. :-)

  • STANDING UP TO APPLAUD YOU! :) Well Done!

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