It's always been said that a gentleman dresses either to the left, or to the right. It's one of those accepted rules that the male of the species must adhere to, owing to protruding "lump'age" in the trouser department. This morning I ventured forth out along the river Thames to run a 7K route. I'd had a great lie-in (didn't get up until 10am!) so was definitely up for this mornings run.
I dressed in bright yellow and black and swallowed a glass of cranberry juice, along with a few dried apricots. Nature was calling so I dashed up stairs to De Lycra my lower half and promptly had a luxurious pee. I was ready to rock and roll baby!!
After about 100 metres, my usual comfortable clothing was beginning to get on my nerves. Mr Winky had decided to throw himself to the right, despite him being safely tucked away in the default "Left" position on leaving the house. Damn! There were people about. I didn't want to shove my hand down the front of my running tights and make the adjustments in case anyone saw me. So I said to myself "Bear with it Dan. You'll get used to it."
After a kilometre I was NOT getting used to it. Wee Willy Winky had to be manoeuvred into his usual position, so I chose my moment carefully to make the adjustment, making sure the following groups of people weren't around ;
A) Women and children
B) Tory MPs with a penchant for this sort of thing
It only took one second to do. A quick pull of my top in a forwards direction, a quick hand delving south, followed by a regrouping of the offending organ. Ahhhhh.....that was better....
2K....3K.....all going well........into the 4th........hang on? What the......Oh Jeeeeeesus Chrii........
It had flopped back the other side again! For GOD's SAKE!
Another lighteningly fast readjustment and Mr Winky was back where he belonged. However, two more adjustments along the route were required before I finally romped home to a flying finish in 40 minutes and 42 seconds. A very satisfying run.....despite the obvious handicap along the way. You can see my splits here if you like ; connect.garmin.com/modern/a...
So I don't know what the moral of this story is really - apart from maybe wearing some kind of jock strap modified with gaffa tape!!
Ladies, I hope you weren't too distressed reading this, but us chaps can be heroes sometimes, dealing with such uncontrollable appendages. That said, ....................I don't have over sized breasts to deal with.
Alright girls. You win.
Yer pal!
Dan.
Written by
danzargo
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I was intrigued by the title of the post, but all is clear now. Haha - at least with a running bra things stay in place for us ladies Great time for 7k despite the adversities. Well done.
Never thought about that before, but you're right. Except in the case like this morning, where I went swimming. In such a case it would be hair splitting to talk about there being a "left" or "right" to talk about.
haha Dan some of us maybe slightly jealous of the "lumpage" not having had a problem I am feeling slightly lacking now !
Oh Dan, what have you gone and done... just about to go out for my run and now I'm worrying about how Mr Chap should orient himself. Always to the left, but what if he has other ideas today??? Perhaps I need to buy some compression shorts and use a pair of socks to take up any free space to the right?
I had to read this post to see what it was all about, read the title and thought you was going to talk about which leg you put in shorts first etc, but nope I wasn't even close, you did make me laugh but also think about what other people must go through with having large breasts, I'd never thought about anything like that because mine are pretty small, still wear a sports bra but don't see the point sometimes they are that small,
Well done on your 7km time, that is a really decent time even with your few re-arrangements along the way, give yourself a well deserved and well earned pat on the back, and put your feet up for a well earned rest day
Hi Dan, read this as I was just about to head out on a run, nothing to add really (apart from right-side funnily enough - for reasons I won't go into here) but it provided suitable distraction over the 10k distance, wondering whether the 'chap'was going to wander or not! Thought provoking as usual Dan, great stuff!
Hi Dan! am having flash backs(no pun intended!) of you having this problem before? but i might have imagined it! where's your tight pants to keep everything in place ? you did make me laugh, that Luxurious pee bit started me off!
As always Mr Dan a sterling post that makes me laugh 😂 from a lady who used to have oversized boobs (now sort of manageable) no amount of readjusting will stop a pair of black eyes whilst running - even level 4 sports bra (which almost cuts off the breathing ability 😉) so be thankful wee willy winky can be easily moved 😂 ps excellent choice to check around before adjusting WWW as could have lead to some embarrassing questions with the local PC - don't think Mrs Dan would have been too impressed picking you up at the nick 😂
Never mind the great left or right debate, I'd quite like a luxurious pee! It sounds like a normal pee but with velvet cushions
I've not had any issues with movement mid-run, as like some others I tend to compress in tights or shorts, which keeps everything in its place. But I do know what you mean about how it doesnt feel right if its not the right way.
Also Dan, I've got a mental image of a man in a gaffa taped jock strap, so thanks for ruining my weekend
I agree with Gollibooboo, the Prince Albert was apparently invented for the Gentleman of the same name, who had such a big wotsit he had to tie it to his leg when he was astride his horse...I have a friend who tells me his is attached to his nipple with a chain...he's a piercer, I could put you in touch with him Dan...
I had to ask Baldy about this, not actually having said thingy myself.... he agrees it doesn't feel right, but his usually goes back to the normal side after a couple of minutes...yours is obviously a bit wayward....
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Great time for 7k despite the adversities. Well done.
"Thank You" to the Park Keeper.....!
What to do on a 2nd rest day ???
