Whilst knocking off W7R1 during the dog watches this afternoon I mused on the vicissitudes that beset us pirates whilst following C25L (Cabin to Five Leagues); problems that you knaves and lubbers likely don't even think about, so I thought I'd try to illuminate you.
As I said to Captain Morgan at the Pirate's Club in San Fiasco one balmy evening recently, “Rattler,” I said, “When you were preparing for the Barbary Coast half marathon, didn't you regret starting on this malarkey before textile and portable recording technologies had reached their apogees, you black-hearted gannet's gizzard?”.
“My dear Puggy,” he rejoindered, sucking on a thoughtful licorice pipe; hey, it's kid's TV after all, “you're going to have to wait until at least the late 20th century and, in reality, it'll likely be the early 21st I'll be bound before they get near to perfecting the miniaturisation of minstrels and canvas with some give in the gusset, damn your eyes.”, before knocking back some more snake blood and ordering another plate of monkey's brains. Despite his name, he didn't touch rum. Bum and baccy, now there's another matter, and for another day and an entirely different user group methinks.
There is much talk of podcasts and apps on here, but neither is available to me, being as I'm in the 18th century, and so I have had to seek out contemporary alternatives. Initially I used two of my crew whom I set to memorising the wench Laura's lines and a selection of shanties of just the right length but I have to be honest and tell you that they were hopeless. I suppose that their illiteracy didn't help. Were it not for the double-entendre police I'd name and shame them in an instant, but best for now that we just call them “Master” and “Seaman”.You modern day types don't know how lucky you are; the music I have to exercise to on C25L is tuneless and terrible.
Having abandoned the pressing of crew members I now rely on a series of parrots, one for each week and three for week's five and six. They perform fairly reliably but drawbacks include an unconscionable amount of guano on the deck of my cabin and nasty claw marks in my shoulder as they cling on for grim death through my cambric shirting, all the time squawking “Keep going,” and “You're doing really well,” or “I remember when I was at this stage bla bla bla-de-bla”.
I didn't really invest in any special apparel when I first started 'pon this venture and recognised the folly of this as early as W3 when I dispensed with my frock coat and flintlocks and found the going a little easier almost immediately. Perhaps the process of selecting what I have now settled upon vis-a-vis my kit however can wait for another day though, since I can see the sun traversing the yardarm. It is two bells in the middle watch and not a sailor flogged. This C25L really is taking up more of my time than I planned.