Navigating C25L - A Pirate Writes

Whilst knocking off W7R1 during the dog watches this afternoon I mused on the vicissitudes that beset us pirates whilst following C25L (Cabin to Five Leagues); problems that you knaves and lubbers likely don't even think about, so I thought I'd try to illuminate you.

As I said to Captain Morgan at the Pirate's Club in San Fiasco one balmy evening recently, “Rattler,” I said, “When you were preparing for the Barbary Coast half marathon, didn't you regret starting on this malarkey before textile and portable recording technologies had reached their apogees, you black-hearted gannet's gizzard?”.

“My dear Puggy,” he rejoindered, sucking on a thoughtful licorice pipe; hey, it's kid's TV after all, “you're going to have to wait until at least the late 20th century and, in reality, it'll likely be the early 21st I'll be bound before they get near to perfecting the miniaturisation of minstrels and canvas with some give in the gusset, damn your eyes.”, before knocking back some more snake blood and ordering another plate of monkey's brains. Despite his name, he didn't touch rum. Bum and baccy, now there's another matter, and for another day and an entirely different user group methinks.

There is much talk of podcasts and apps on here, but neither is available to me, being as I'm in the 18th century, and so I have had to seek out contemporary alternatives. Initially I used two of my crew whom I set to memorising the wench Laura's lines and a selection of shanties of just the right length but I have to be honest and tell you that they were hopeless. I suppose that their illiteracy didn't help. Were it not for the double-entendre police I'd name and shame them in an instant, but best for now that we just call them “Master” and “Seaman”.You modern day types don't know how lucky you are; the music I have to exercise to on C25L is tuneless and terrible.

Having abandoned the pressing of crew members I now rely on a series of parrots, one for each week and three for week's five and six. They perform fairly reliably but drawbacks include an unconscionable amount of guano on the deck of my cabin and nasty claw marks in my shoulder as they cling on for grim death through my cambric shirting, all the time squawking “Keep going,” and “You're doing really well,” or “I remember when I was at this stage bla bla bla-de-bla”.

I didn't really invest in any special apparel when I first started 'pon this venture and recognised the folly of this as early as W3 when I dispensed with my frock coat and flintlocks and found the going a little easier almost immediately. Perhaps the process of selecting what I have now settled upon vis-a-vis my kit however can wait for another day though, since I can see the sun traversing the yardarm. It is two bells in the middle watch and not a sailor flogged. This C25L really is taking up more of my time than I planned.


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20 Replies

  • Ha ha Oh Pugwash ! I will have to think about your post for a bit, but, in the meantime, go exercise your licorice ha ha , that's top that is :-D xxx

  • I don't like the sound of "I will have to think about your post" PP - that's way up there with "I will have to consult my lawyers" :-).

  • Ha ha , I just needed a couple of minutes to re-read it , just to appreciate it in all its glory :-)

    Fab post Pugwash me heartie , shiver mi' licorice :-D xxx

  • Lol, great post, Pugwash :)

  • Thanks Paul, glad you enjoyed my nonsense!

  • I talk enough of it so it appeals to me ;)

  • Hahaha! Love it! Thank you :-)

  • You arrrrggh welcome :-)

  • Brilliant ! Just got back from a weekend of tall ships, lots of your sort there !

  • Thanks HenPen - tall ships and tall tales go together :-). Can you tie a running bowline? We're one or two crew members down on the Black Pig currently...

  • Methinks you jest with us, sir.

    Your dwelling in the 18th Century is no good reason to not persist with enduring regimes of exercise that will decrease your displacement and improve your waterline velocity, despite your claim to have no accurate timepiece with which to gauge the period of the hour for which one has actually exerted oneself. Any seaman of repute must surely be able to measure the passing of time by the passage of the sun across the heavens. Run with sextant in hand, sir.....that is what we all do! Admittedly, now that there are no longer any walking intervals in your daily regime (W7), taking an accurate reading is more challenging than when the pace was gentler, but take heart, dear sir and follow on where others have led.

    Do you have a broadside connection? Or do only fish go internet? By what means, Doctor, have you communicated this missive to us? You didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!!

  • The broadside and internet jokes are rather fine :-). As for the sextant idea - why have a cabin boy and get one's own hands dirty? ;-)

  • On the way home from jolly japes this weekend my husband amused ourselves with a Pugwash quiz. We did rather well I have to say but I think it got him as I could remember the names of the two serfs and he couldn't.

    Speaking of licquorice! I was hanging my nose over some Bassetts "Basetti Hard Licquorice sticks today in a shop window which was sadly closed. I felt as if in a time warp. The shop window even had isinglass!!!!!! You'd probably remember those two items Pugwash!

    Oh by the way Puggy be sure to get the serfs to scrape up the guano and chuck it on the sea cumbers. Waste not and all that !

  • Well done Misswobble on the Pugwash quiz! Can you also name the Pirate Queen...without Googling her? Mmm :-)

    I live not far from Pontefract (when not at sea causing havoc, obvs), the home of them thar cakes and can also recommend the old fashioned sweet shop in Pateley Bridge, should you ever pass that way, for a trip down memory lane full of waistline threatening booty.

    The guano can stay where it is for now - not sure what is emerging from it; could be disease carrying moulds, but might be a tasty avocado plant...

  • Another fine post Pugwash!!! Will have me chuckling all day :)

  • This is not a time for levity Mamma Mia - you can't imagine the chafing I get from my thigh boots ;-)

  • Hahaha :D

  • Do you know Captain Morgan AM? He's a rum b~gger... well, no rum of course as previously discussed ;-)

  • Coddling catfish Pugwash- you need some Sport Luub for that chafing or some blubber extract if you prefer!!

  • Thaks for the tip Cathryn! Old Bones is using auk fat on me currently and it has given me thighs like used chip shop paper to be honest.

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