21Bedlam21

[21Bedlam21]

I have had CLL for a couple of years now. I am on watch and wait. I have posted on this sight before. I had reconstruction from my breast cancer a number of years ago. Both sides. It looks like one side may have ruptured. I have a fast tracked appointment on Friday. I am worried sick. I know I need to await the outcome but everything is going through my head. If I have to have them removed will my bloods be good enough to operate, do I have them replaced or just try to cope with how I will look. I know my health comes first but will my husband freak out if the scars look horrible. I am also having treatment for skin cancer at the moment, hopefully that has worked. I am also having breathing problems, my lungs are showing blunting. It just seem all too much to cope with right now and I can’t worry my children so I’m using you guys as a sounding board and someone to talk to.

[DebKat999]

I just wanted you to know that I'm so sorry for all the anxiety you understandly have right now, and in fact that you have to go through this at ALL.

I know how hard it is, when you desperately need answers and your mind is running with the worst scenarios, and you just want to be doing something, anything, to help the situation but you can't just yet. I've been there.

For me the not knowing anything for sure yet is definitely the worse part.

But Friday will come quickly, so hang on, (I know, easy for ME to say) and remember, right now distraction is your friend!

However, please be sure to bring up each one of your concerns with your doctors. I'm sure you don't need me to suggest this, but maybe use this time to write them all down so nothing is left unasked that you wish you had been able to ask.

Then once you begin to know some things for certain, and a plan begins to form, then maybe you can start to at least feel a bit more in control again. At least you might feel more proactive about it all, hopefully.

In the meantime, yes, use us as a sounding board and/or just people to talk to, because that's what we are here for. Please keep us updated as you can, if you want to. We Are Here.

Debbie

[21Bedlam21 in reply to DebKat999]

Thank you so much Debbie,

I’m trying to keep my head above water . My mind seems to be everywhere and forgetful. I am usually so positive and strong but this has floored me. I will pick myself up and carry on, I know I have to. So nice to have this group to talk to when you find it difficult to talk to those closest to you. Roll on Friday.

[DebKat999 in reply to 21Bedlam21]

You've got this. Remember, you've gotten through 100% of what life has thrown at you so far, and you'll get through this, too. x

[21Bedlam21 in reply to DebKat999]

Thank you. I just need to get my positive head back on. X

[Spark_Plug]

I'm probably persona non grata in this thread, but I'll chance it. If your husband freaks out easily, he'll need more education ahead of time; that way his freak out is only part of the process of adjustment in your relationship.

After all, if his arm was torn off at work, you'd be a little uncomfortable coping at first, but that's what commitment is all about - "...for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..."

Love, trust, and the desire to come through for the other especially in bad times. Husband's and wives have been doing it successfully for thousands of years! 🙂💐

[21Bedlam21 in reply to Spark_Plug]

I don’t think I’m giving him credit, he is still coming to terms with the CLL diagnosed followed by the skin cancer. So I have to give him space to take this in. He very much keeps everything close to his chest and is not good at communicating. Thank you.

[Spark_Plug in reply to 21Bedlam21]

My best wishes to both of you.

[21Bedlam21 in reply to Spark_Plug]

Much appreciated.

[ChristyAnne_UK in reply to 21Bedlam21]

Oh, the poor lamb!

I'm so sorry for my attitude, but isn't it YOU having to go through all of this, but HE has to come to terms with it??!! Good grief! The words 'man up' come to mind! 🙄

Maybe this is why I'm still single! 😂

I am wishing you all the very best. YOU are the one in need of support here. (Btw, I had a double mastectomy without reconstruction in 2008, so I have empathy with your anxiety about scarring.) xx

[21Bedlam21 in reply to ChristyAnne_UK]

Thank you for your support, yes I do feel sometimes we go through things without real support. I’m as bad , people ask how are you and I reply fine. So my fault. X

[ChristyAnne_UK in reply to 21Bedlam21]

None of this is your fault, hon. x

[Mandy56]

I think Debbie’s advice is excellent. I’ve nothing to add, but wanted to send you best wishes and strength.

[21Bedlam21 in reply to Mandy56]

Thank you so much Mandy, I appreciate it. X

[CycleWonder]

I’m not sure how old your children are but with all you are going through, it may be helpful to share with them and ask for some support.

[21Bedlam21 in reply to CycleWonder]

My children are older but they went through the cancer thing with breast cancer, then more recently with CLL and skin cancer I just feel I don’t want to worry them yet until I know the full extent of what will need to be done. I’m sure I would get the support. Thank you for your thoughts.

[Amberesque]

I'm sorry you are going through all this. What does it mean that your "lungs are blunting?" I've never heard that terminology before.

[21Bedlam21 in reply to Amberesque]

Neither have I. It’s affecting my breathing. Having another visit to a respiratory doctor.

[Angie4now]

I’m so sorry you’re going through so much. I’m glad you have your appointment with the respiratory doctor. They need to get to the bottom of the breathing issue.

I understand you want to protect your children, it would be nice to have their support at this critical time. Sending prayers and hugs 🙏🤗🙏🤗