dealing with feeling deformed

[Becominganovercomer]

2 years ago i had a condition that left scars up and down the sides if my legs. Not lines, like free formed scars. Before this i had great self esteem, i felt confident In shorts and dresses, my legs felt like my best feature. Im finding it so hard to show someone im interested in how they look for fear i will be seen as less attractive. Typically a man with scars is seen as cool but a woman….?

has anyone dealt with anything like this? I feel alone bc no one i know has had this sort of issue.

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador]

hello! And welcome!

I had to think about where to start here…..

I have to say, i dislike the deformed word. Having a visible difference is not a deformity. You are built exactly perfectly, just as nature intended.

It is entirely in your own mind.

And anyway as a bloke, its not always cool when you have a visible difference. Ive had days where ive feared for my safety… cool? No, dont think so.

But this is about you.

I totally get it if you find yourself distressed on account of a scar.

But let me tell you something as a bloke here.

To me, beauty is so much more than your legs. You can, if you want or if appropriate, disguise either with hosiery or by good quality trousers.

And anyway, why are not treasuring your “other assets”. You may have a dazzling personality, a kind a generous streak, an awesome sense of humour? These will also make you hugely attractive to others. Dont undersell yourself…..

People are so much more than one layer. Believe in you, and get out there, have confidence in you, and shine!

Additionally, i will also say one thing. If someone you have your eye on only really likes you for your legs, well, frankly are they really worth it? They sound pretty shallow. Trust me, as a bloke, what i love most about my wife, is not just her looks (although she looks great), but her loyalty, her devotion, her friendship, her kindness, her humour, and just being her. Every bit of which deserves to be repaid with a cherry on the top!

[EvaChangingFaces Partner]

Hi Becominganovercomer and a very warm welcome from me as well to our Changing Faces community here. Thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts in the forum.

There are members here with all different forms of visible difference, including posts from people with scars that you might find helpful to read through. Sorry to hear that you feel that the condition has affected your self-esteem, and that you find it difficult showing your interest to people you meet at the moment. But as Circuitbreaker mentioned already below it is often other qualities that people value and appreciate in people they are interested in connecting with rather than just focusing on their appearance. It might be an important part of your journey to work on self-acceptance and self-love to help you focus on growing and loving yourself more for who you are and be able to appreciate all your good qualities.

I hope you find this a helpful and safe place to hear from others and share your thoughts and feelings.

I'm also including a link to the scars page on the Changing Faces website, in case you want to read it as it includes some more real stories that people have shared with us changingfaces.org.uk/advice...

Take care,

Eva - Changing Faces

[worthytobeloved]

Hi lovely lady. I really feel for you, having felt like that all my life. When I was seven years old, one of my parents called me 'deformed' and 'ugly', and I've felt like a freak ever since.

However, as I've got older and have lots of counselling, I try to remember that I'm a wonderful person inside (partly because I have felt 'not good enough') so am sensitive to others.

All I can say at the moment, is be the wonderful person you are, and try to believe that people you meet just see the lovely person you are on the inside. Bless you!

[CarolinChangingFaces Partner in reply to worthytobeloved]

Hi worthytobeloved welcome to our online community. Thanks for sharing about your situation with us. I am sorry to hear about the treatment you experienced growing up, it sounds like it would have been incredibly difficult for you, and I can see you shared it has had a lasting impact on your self-esteem.

It’s really positive that you have accessed counselling support and are continuing to remind yourself that you are worthy and more than your appearance.

I noticed you have already begun supporting others and sharing advice on here which is great to see. I do hope you find this a supportive place where you can continue to share about your experiences and gives and receive support with others on here.

Take Care

Caroline - Changing Faces

[worthytobeloved in reply to CarolinChangingFaces]

Thank you so much, Caroline, for your kind words. Finding this website has made me so happy - it's like a supportive self-help group in which we can share without judgment, but can also empathise and encourage others. I feel that I have over 3,000 new friends thanks to your website!Thank you and all the team for making this all possible!

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador in reply to worthytobeloved]

what's not to like here?! so good indeed you feel that way!