I have a large scar on the right side of my face and neck due to surgery I had for skin cancer three years ago. My skin didn’t heal well and I ended up with infection under the skin flap. The scar is raised and red.
Does anyone else have facial scars from surgery?
How do you learn to accept it?
Hi Koblue! Welcome, glad you found us.
I dont have the issue you describe, but i do know that there will be someone out there in exactly the same boat. You will find them given time.
I do know though the acceptance thing is not unique to your surgery. It will come up whenever there is a visible difference.
There are some differences but so much which will be the same, and i guess that is to be expected as we are all unique!
I am thinking that the surgery, given it was cancer related, wasnt optional, and the alternative of no-surgery-no-scar was unthinkable.
That may surprisingly help you accept the scar, because the other scenario would have been worse.
Remember everything that fills up your life experience bottle generally makes you strong. Hopefully as you recover from the cancer encounter, that strength and resilience will build. Dont forget, you can be absolutely honest with people who question the scar. Tell the truth and shut down any discussion you dont want! Your health is not a public matter for debate! Nor is it their business unless they are friends or family, or potentially an employer.
You and only you control what discussions you have. That will hopefully be of help.
Remember you are still the same person you ever were. Nothing changes. Life leaves you battered at times, and sometimes does leave scars. But the beauty of people is that we are more than just how we look. We are the sum of so many parts, our persona, our likes, the effect we have on others. And those were not touched by the scalpel. Its still there for everyone to see…..
Cb
Thank you for your message, you speak real sense and something I hadn’t thought about was the reason behind the scar and that it was necessary p, I forget I had no choice sometimes! Thank you for saying that, I am definitely a stronger and more rounded person now.
Well …. You did have a choice. You could have Not taken the surgery. Put like that, would you? And then put like that realism hits! Im sure you made the right choice. You are simply the sum of the journey youve been on. And just fine for it!
I definitely made the right choice I just wish that I knew that I scar like I do because then they would have put different stitches in to help reduce thick scarring…. but they didn’t know and neither did I.
Yes what a journey it’s been, thank you for helping me see it that way.
np. Its you that can see this any way you want!You will always be in control of it.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing ... doh!
Hello Koblue and welcome to the Changing Faces community! It sounds like you are on a journey of finding out how to best manage your recovery after skin cancer surgery and find ways to deal and accept the facial scarring after the surgery but also how to look after your skin. It sounds like you've had a really challenging time with your post surgery recovery.
Working on self-acceptance is an important part of your journey and one that can help you on focusing on growing and loving yourself more for who you are, appreciate all your good qualities and as Circuitbreaker said remember that everything you've been through has made you stronger and more resilient and able to deal with all kinds of difficulties and these are really vital skills in life that you can always access.
It's also important to practice self-compassion and kindness toward yourself and hopefully, you'll also find some people here to connect with and to share your thoughts as connecting with others that have had similar experiences and sharing about your own experiences can be quite liberating and helpful for some people.
Take care,
Eva - ChangingFaces
Than you so much for your kind words. Yes it has been tough but I am now a more rounded person with a big dose of life experience and yes I am stronger and more resilient, I have learnt an awful lot from the experience.
Have you tried silicone strips?
Hi, yes I have tried but didn't have too much success if I'm honest, it's difficult putting strips on your face as they come off easily.Do you use the strips for yourself? I have found that laser treatment is the best thing for my scar.
Hi Koblue,
I haven’t tried silicone strips, my scarring is atrophic. I’ve tried all sorts…subscision, microneedling, TCA cross, had one round of laser. The original scar was revised over 20 years ago. They did a z plast and I ended up with worse more visible scarring than the original. Completely empathise with you.
Hi Michamisha 77,They did offer to re do my scar with surgery, open me up again and re stitch it but I couldn't see what benefit I would get because I would still have a scar anyway, and I was fearful of the scar being worse after them re doing it.
I have had 6 months of laser treatment on my scar at St John's institute of Dermatology, guys hospital. I am due 6 months more and I've also had steroid injections to help with the more raised bits aswell and the laser to help the redness and to make it softer so I now can't feel it on my face.
Best decision I have made is getting referred to guys. Lasers take more than one treatment and you have to be consistent with it. Every 5 weeks for the last 6 months.
Can I ask how much improvement have you seen from your treatments at Guy’s?
Kind Regards
Oh wow much improvement! Obviously that side of my face will always look different but the redness has faded so much and the scar is so much softer and because of that has stopped pulling on my eye.If I don't look in the mirror I don't know I have a scar on my face because I no longer feel it tight on the side of my face.
Best decision I have made and I have gained an awful lot of knowledge about scarring and also skin cancer whilst at my appointments as I'm a bit like a sponge when it comes to learning stuff.
I did have to speak up to get heard though when I wanted my referral as an NHS patient and then ended up self refering, it wasn't easy but it was so worth it.
I can send a photo of before and now, 6 months later if you like, to see the difference.
I’d love to see the before and after.
Okay I will send the photos over. This is 6 months into a year treatment that I am having.
Hi there Koblue 👋,
I can empathise with you, I have scarring on my nose from a biopsy and then an additional skin shave. So many people live with scarring, and they're very conscious of it. I would never want to under estimate that. Other parts of the body can often be covered by clothing, but, bang on the face is the hardest place to conceal, and we're reminded of it every single time we look into the mirror or see a photo.
For me, I think it's those reminders that do the emotional damage. But, somehow, over time (many years), I have learnt to live a more harmonious relationship with it. It seems the only way, as I only have this life to live (as far as we know) and want to make the most of it.
Well done for getting to Guys, after many years of non & mis-diagnosis elsewhere I was eventually referred there too. It's the only place where I've had effective advice and treatment. This has helped me to feel more in control and so psychologically stronger.
Good luck to you and sending love. Keep chatting, it also helps, you're in good company here.
M
☺️
Thank you for your kind words. Yes I am so glad that I am being seen under Guys, I have learnt so much since I’ve been there. Best decision I have made so far, they have actually explained everything to me and why it happened.
Yes the face is always hardest but I am becoming braver over the time I have lived with facial scarring. Because of the treatment I have now had I can’t feel the scar on my face any more so the only time I know is when I see it in the mirror.
I’m so glad to have this community that really understand.
Hey Koblue, how are you?
Just signed up today, so hopefully not too late to respond to your post xD
Word for word have delt with what you are going through. I too have a skin flap on the right side of my face with neck scars also from the skin graft. I had 2 infections whilst the flap was healing also.
I had my surgery when I was 15 years old, I am 30 now, so i've had time to live with them. I read through the post and it's cool you got lazer! This was never offered to me and I've just been kinda forced to accept myself (took a very long time) XD However, a good skin care routine has helped a lot. The biggest ingredient I noticed make a difference to the appearance of my scars was retinol and tretinoin. Only been using these the past few years, so even on older scars they work. Happy to send you my skin care routine if you're curious. See if it's your cup of tea or not.
Also happy to send you photos of my face and scars. Fresh out of surgery and 15 years on. Might help you visualise how they look as they age etc.
I'm also curious about yours, as i've never met anyone that's gone through this other than me. Hence joining this site. Let me know if you're interested, no worries if not. Hope you have a lovely day xx
Hi Selkiee
Thanks for posting on our forum and sharing about your journey with your scarring. It sounds like you have been through a lot from a young age. I wondered if you were comfortable sharing more about your experience around accepting your scars as it sounds like this may have changed over time for you. Only if you are comfortable doing so of course. I hope you continue to find this a helpful space to connect and share support with others.
Take Care
Caroline - Changing Faces
rosacea
Rosacea
No hope anymore after failed surgery. 
A botched rhinoplasty and ways forward
