Facial Disfigurement And Eating In Public

[Cathfriend]

I'm new here and hope I can get advice on how to support a friend with facial disfigurement due to cancer surgery and radiation. She fears eating out in public, which is hindering social interaction for her and her husband. Does anyone have any advice that would help her? She's attended one dinner where she ate beforehand but she felt awkward just sitting there while everyone else ate. She faces so many other challenges everyday just trying to eat and breathe normally that I'd like to help her overcome this.

[Steppenwolf]

IDK that it can be resolved. Ironically eating out USED to be one of my favourite things, that I did a few times per week - pre facial palsy that is, and when I had a partner to do it with. I very rarely eat anywhere in public nowadays because I just don't enjoy it. It would take a miracle to turn this around. Occasionally I have had to attend a work related dinner or event. On those occasions I have found it much better to choose from the menu a dish which is easier to handle, rather than use some other culinary criterion. I can imagine that IF I had a partner then I might be more comfortable getting used to the whole thing only with them before tackling a whole group thing.

[Cathfriend in reply to Steppenwolf]

Thank you for replying to me. I'm sorry that you've had similar experiences with eating out. I will pass along your suggestion to find menu items that are easier for her to eat. But I'm sure that's difficult, too, as it takes away part of the fun of eating out. So many changes and challenges around every corner.

[Steppenwolf in reply to Cathfriend]

It certainly does take the fun out of it :(. I have forgotten on several occasions and ordered something more appealing, only to regret it when trying to nonchalantly eat it. There is a good chance she will improve/adapt to eating with a different face. I know I have. There is usually a take away option and/or if she just wants to go to a restaurant for two to enjoy the dining out thing simply tell the maître D when booking you want a corner table, one seat with back to restaurant. I worked in restaurants for ten years in a former life and such a request wouldn't even be news-worthy. I could get away with this myself I suppose but apart from not being keen on dining in restaurants by myself it would be even more odd if there was a lone guy in the corner with his back to everyone

[Hidden]

Hi Cathfriend , welcome to the community. I'm really sorry to hear about the challenges your friend is experiencing. Hopefully you'll get some support here as I'm sure others can relate to finding social situations like eating out difficult too.

Take care

Tiffany

[Cathfriend in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much.

[younique]

Welcome Cathfriend , it's very considerate of you to try to figure out ways to help your friend. I think the first most important thing is being there for her when she's struggling. Continue to engage with her normally and ask her to go the lady's room (example) if you notice her having a hard time. Maybe she feels anxious excusing herself when distressed, so it might be helpful if you initiate leaving the table together. Are there any foods or beverages she feels ok consuming in public, like bread or water? If so, maybe she can have those on hand for uncomfortable moments when everyone else is eating. I hope things get easier for her as she adjusts to her new normal. Having your support is awesome!

[Cathfriend in reply to younique]

Thank you, Younique! She's a special person and has been through so much. I'd love to find some solutions to help make this particular challenge easier for her.

[1hopesprings]

I too am new but have had this problem for many years, although I know longer worry about what people think. Once I was capable of eating solids my family, and friends would just tap their own lips to indicate I was drooling. Always be armed with a tissue - this also helps if you have to dispose of food you are unable to swallow. Good luck and good eating.

[Hidden in reply to 1hopesprings]

Hi 1hopesprings and welcome to the community 😊 Thanks for sharing and it's good to hear that you no longer worry about what other people think.

Take care,

Tiffany

[Solocat Community Ambassador]

Hi Cathfriend!

I think you can encourage your friend to open up and join this community in order to get regular feedback and support and share her concerns with like-minded and understanding folks. I think all people here are somehow familiar with that public sensation so we can relate very well to such awkward moments.

In the end, this is the good thing about having a rich community like this!