Feeling poorly

I'm struggling day in day out. I feel so poorly. It comes in waves. My eyes are constantly blood shot. Ultra tired. Weak as owt. Its terrible to live like this. I don't know what to do anymore. No one understands

[Chris-harris]

A lot do understand mate, i can tell you its utter (excuse my language) shit at times. I was diagnosed in nov 2017, still have issues but all manageable. The best thing i did was start anti depressants, no shame in trying that route if you have not already, also seen councillor etc but that never really helped as i had a "what do you know" type of attitude. Can i ask, are you in a relationship, have many friends etc, its hard enough with their support never mind on your own. One thing i was looking for is some sort of group / meet up so i can talk to people in a similar position to me, may help if you can find one? Im in cheshire and not had a great deal of luck so tend to let off steam on here

[Hidden in reply to Chris-harris]

I feel poorly. Its like a wave of feeling unwell. Can't control it or stop it. I'm on anti depressants. Won't stop the poorly feelings. What symptoms have you had? Have they got better? What symptoms do u have now? My partner left me as never understood the illness. I lost my business. I was homeless. When I go docs they run bloods and they all come back fine they were high at diagnosis but steady come bk to normal. I can't even work anymore it's terrible

[Chris-harris in reply to Hidden]

I have had many symptoms, i will list them below with a short description and if here or gone

1 horrible sickness, sick after every meal. This lasted about 3 months, dec 2017 through to end feb 2018, i am fine now and eat like a horse.

2. Weakness, went from neatly 18 stone to 11 in 5 weeks, could not climb stairs, get out of bath etc, , this started to improve around march 2018, did a lot of walking and gym, took a while. ok now although still have some weakness in my legs, that results in a few groans when getting up .. btw i am around 14 stone 6 now, my doc referred me to the gym and i had 3 months free, don't know if your area does the same (i live in cheshire)

3. Jaundice, very yellow, looked like a defeated homer simpson, again I'd say 3 months before noticed any improvement, about 6-12 till gone.

4. Swollen stomach, no drain but on diuretics, stomach went down in about 2 months, not come back.

5. Memory loss and confusion, on and off for first 6 months, along with despair, wanting to end it all, no sleep etc ... loads better now, beta blockers to calm me, anti depressants to make me smile, no thoughts of ending it, just the odd "why me".

6. Coordination issues, stumbling and not walking great, fell and broke jaw early 2019, not noticed any major issues since.

Now

Numbness and pins and needles in feet, bearable but bit annoying. The odd "why me", not drinking and really dont care or miss it. Uncomfortable sometimes at partys where everyone is drunk, that's my circle of friends though so trying to overcome that. 6 monthly checks, always a nervy time but cope ok, apart from the endoscopy, that's horrible couple of stage 2ish varacies, no bleed or banding yet (fingers crossed).

In general i am enjoying life, done so much more than when i drank and in some ways I'm glad i can't, if i hadn't been knocked down by this i would probably just carried on my lifestyle and died. One thing to note is its a very long journey, don't expect to be fixed in 6 months but don't expect to feel horrible forever, you won't.

Read my profile, you will probably see a trend of ups and downs, luckily the ups so far have lasted since may last year

[Hidden in reply to Chris-harris]

What our Livers can & can't do sucks!?. It's not all in the head, but the head melt certainly exits. 🤕

." People argue as to the origin of the term "melter" or "melt" but many believe it originated from a man from Belfast Northern Ireland called Christopher who is now known as "Mr.Melt." 🤔

No Thanks to Sir Rosis. 😠

[Braveheart65]

It’s too easy to say stay positive it will get better when you feel as utter rubbish as you sadly do.

For me some days are just gone before I know it. Simply showering can be exhausting. I daren't look in the mirror as those red spider veins multiply constantly. My hair has started thinning again and I’m thinking of either incontinence knickers or a rubber sheet on the bed as the constant toilet trips are knackering. I am so cold 24/7 that I wish I could hibernate. People don’t recognise me I’ve lost so much weight and a neighbour recently said that I look like a “druggie”. The pain in my side appears with no warning and is getting worse, last week was the first time I couldn’t stand up it was so bad. For someone like me who acted as an expert witness, to not be able to remember everyday words and lose concentration whilst talking is crippling. I can’t drive as I feel dizzy.

It’s hard to describe to someone just how little energy you have, peeling a banana can sometimes be just all I can manage. I cry a lot not for me but because I’m scared.

The current husband is massively supportive but just doesn’t get that as much as I’m grateful for the bottle of water he brings up every night to bed, unless he loosens the top I can’t get into it. It’s hard to appreciate just what no strength feels like.

I never felt like this when I was drinking, so I have to remind myself frequently why it’s been 13 months 3 weeks and 2 days since I last held an ice cold glass of delicious wine.

But.......I’m still breathing in and out and I make myself go out even just to put rubbish in the bin so that I can feel the winter sun. And I haven’t thought for at least a few weeks about just ending it all.

I’m sharing these things with you not to vie for who feels the worst or is suffering the most or is the least understood, but to ask you to please hang in there. Use this forum for the good and the bad times. Dig deep then dig even more just to find a spark, a splinter, a shadow, of something to cling to. It will be there you just need to find out more about yourself in these darkest of times to know what fundamentally is your cornerstone.

It’s right sh*te for you at the minute, with strength from within yourself and the support of good medical advice and your fellow travellers on this forum......tomorrow or the next day will not be just as bad.

Please post again soon, we are all in this leaky boat together and we can’t afford for someone to bail out.

Where would you like to be tomorrow?

Alicia

[briccolone in reply to Braveheart65]

great post Alicia

[Hidden in reply to Braveheart65]

How I wish yours and other similar messages could be circulated to the media worldwide as so many people really do not know the seriousness and life changing affects alcohol or sometimes medications can cause so much damage to someones Liver.

I'm truly feeling for you and for many others suffering with this awful disease

causing me to feel so hopeless who would give anything to help but understands there's nothing I can do but be here for you all and send you my love!

I'm thinking of you all who have written above .

Nighty nite

Love 💕

Trish

[Dogbot]

Hi

I don’t know if you have read anything of my history but I have been through it 😔, It’s not the best time all my friends were my drinking buddies and there was times I would have a little cry , I don’t know your circumstances regarding family or support network I was SO lucky my wife didn’t leave me when I was drinking and my kids were with me through out then I went to work one day and my liver said enough is enough.

That was 17 years ago I have a grand child from both my children and my wife is still with me , I’m not going to say it was easy it was bloody had work (sorry all) but as you can read worth every step.

Do as the doctors say find something to look forward for I know I was lucky to have a great support network but you can’t let the booze take the rest of your life is held you long enough fight back, you don’t know how much I wish you the best of luck 😃.

Dogbot

[Hidden in reply to Dogbot]

I whole heartedly agree with the last paragraph.

[mattymoo33]

Hiya Chris. It is a crappy disease and symptoms appear from nowhere, some worse than others. Keep accessing all resources you can find. Have you tried BLT helpline?

Please know many people on this forum have been where you are.

Thinking of you and caring 🤗

[Hidden]

Hi Chris,

You have had some really supportive replies here, thank you forum.

If you would like a chat our helpline is open today until 3pm.

You are not alone

Trust1