Hello everyone, I'm new here! I hope I'm not doing anything wrong.
I know people here can't give me a diagnosis, but I just want to put it off my chest. I have no one to open up. I'm scared I'm going to die. I would appreciate any experience sharing or support. It would also help a lot if someone can tell me what kind of exams are done to find out about liver disease.
I suffer from anxiety since I was a child, I lost my parents at a young age, had to deal with a heavy drug addicted brother. It was a hard life. I also have lots of problems dealing with people socially, psychiatrist suspected of Asperger but not diagnosed yet.
With all these problems with time it was too much for me, I started binge drinking. I locked myself in my room and drink strong drinks non-stop literally until I blackout. I have been doing this for many years already. I want to stop but it's hard my mind goes to dark places when I'm sober. I feel suicidal.
Like I said I have social problems, it's very hard for me to talk with people. I tried going to the hospital and memorized what I was going to say, the doctor was like why did you never came before and I felt nervous and my mind went blank, I couldn't say anything else. Since then I never went to the hospital again.
I have developed a strong pain the abdomen. Lower right part, it happens when drinking and a while after eating. I have constant diarrhea either loose stools or liquid. I had been for years but later is becoming worse. I felt a lot of cramps and urge to go to the bathroom as soon as I eat and then I keep going to the bathroom for hours, having liquid diarrhea with small pieces of stools. My stools have been looking pale for a while but now I saw something blackish mixed with it. I think it is blood and it has been going for a week. And I continue going to the bathroom until it seems there is nothing more to do and I started getting a liquid yellowish diarrhea that look more like urine.
I'm feeling itching all around the body and blood clots are often forming in my legs and arms. I don't know if this is relevant but 3 days ago I had some kind of allergy on my back. I didn't eat anything that day but binge drank until blackout as usual and woke up with this.
I have lost appetite and don't feel like eating anything, especially with all that pain that comes. I try to force myself to eat once a day and sometimes I skip meal completely. Any kind of food gives me pain and diarrhea.
I was obese and had lost weight, but I'm still overweight just not obese anymore. So not sure if this count as quick weight loss, especially with all the diarrhea and not eating. I'm a secluded person and rarely go out the house.
I have been feeling nausea constantly too which I deal with taking medicine for nausea. Fatigue and trouble sleeping. I also have been very depressed, I said I had always been anxious but lately I don't feel like doing anything else but being on the bed.
More things I don't know if it's relevant:
I'm having shortness of breath sometimes with pain in the chest at breathing. I heard something like that could be linked to liver problems.
I have been sensitive to light, it gives me headache.
I have forgetting and mistaking things a lot, I'm often feeling confused about it. Even when not drinking.
I have been taking tylenol constantly because of pain and just recently I found out is no good to liver considering I'm already burdening my liver with drinking.
I want to take the courage to go to the hospital but last time still scares me. I'm afraid I won't be able to say anything. I'm also afraid that since I can't stop going to the bathroom even when I don't eat I will end up feeling like this there. I'm so embarrassed to tell about my drinking problems. I don't tell anyone, no ones knows as I'm mostly locked at my room. Finally decided to take some courage and write here. I hope it isn't too long and confusing, as I said I'm awkward talking with people I don't do it much.
Thanks for any help!
Written by
Rachel_sf
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First, a huge welcome to this wonderful forum, you will get lots of help and support on here. I think you really need to go to the Drs, if you find it hard to speak to him write it down like you have on here. You should be referred to a heptologist, it does sound like your liver but you will have to have a few tests to determine what is going on. I do think you need hello to stop drinking. Have you got any family who help you. My heart goes out to you. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx
May I suggest you ring the Liver Trust helpline - please follow this link for the telephone number and opening hours. I am sure they will assist you greatly.
I suggest you print off all that you have written here. Go and show it to your GP. Ask for a referral to a consultant and take the summary you have written here with you to the hospital appointment, show it to the consultant ,and then you wont clam up when trying to explain the situation.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are in a very bad place right now but it can get better. You really need to go to the doctor, it may be your liver that is causing you these problems or it may be something else. Write down all your symptoms or print off your post and show it to the doctor. Not much shocks them and they shouldn't judge you. If you have someone that can go with you, that would be great but if not you can do it on your own. You have already taken the first step by reaching out on this forum. Once you get a diagnosis, you will feel much more in control and your anxiety might actually decrease. Good luck and please keep us updated on how you are getting on.
Good Morning Rachel_sf,
Welcome to this friendly forum. You will already see, you will get lots of support here.
As the others have said, I strongly suggest you arrange to see a doctor.
You have made the important first step by coming on here in the first place.
Perhaps take a copy of what you have written here ?
If you are in the UK you can call the nurse led helpline on 0800 652 7330 Mon-Fri 10 am - 14.45pm.
Hi Rachel. It really is essential that you see your doctor and be as open with him as you have been here. He can then refer you for blood tests and scans to find out if there is damage to your liver and treat accordingly. Make sure you take on board all the advice you are given in order to get a good relationship between the 2 of you to achieve the best care in your recovery moving forward.
You obviously have a lot of issues going on and you are going to need help getting off the booze which isn't helping your anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. In fact with you using booze to self medicate it is making matters worse as it is a depressant in itself so this problem also needs to be addressed, again your doctor can help to arrange councelling for both your mental state and addiction. There's no need to feel ashamed or scared, just be very open about exactly how you feel and you will get the help you so desperately need.
Please stay in touch here where there are people who have been going through exactly the same as you and can offer good practical advice.
Hi Rachel, and a very warm welcome to our friendly forum.
As others have said, you should really go and see your GP as a first step to getting help with your liver health. You should ask for blood tests, ultrasound scan and fibroscan. Is there anyone who can go with you to the GP appointment, and support you, as this would reduce your anxiety. I am autistic, and similar to you , I get anxious in some social situations, and have a problem with bright lights and also loud, noisy situations, and I found that having someone there with me, helped a lot with remembering what was said.
You should try really hard to stop drinking. It will help your liver and also your depression......alcohol is a depressant, so is making you feel worse. I have cirrhosis, and stopped drinking over 3 years ago, and I am really glad I did, as I feel so much better without it.
Please post again, to let us know how you are getting on with sorting your health issues.
Hi Rachel. A lot of what you wrote rang so true when I was I'll but we are all very different and only a doctor can tell you what you need to hear.
Take your phone in with you and show the doctor what you wrote as that will undoubtedly spark a conversation that will hopefully have you on track to get some help.
Booze won't help but I know you don't need to be told that by random folk on the internet.
This place is amazing, it truly is a place to lay all of your concerns out and the members will be able to relate in their own way but as you can see the one common theme is to seek advice from your doctor.
Let us know how you get on and the trust has some telephone numbers you can call to speak in confidence.
Thank you so much for all the support ❤! I was feeling very sad and depressed these days and all the warm messages is making me feel so much better.
The writing idea is something I never thought before and it's a great idea! This way I can express myself better and address everything that needs to be addressed.
I really intend to stop with the alcohol.
I felt so much urge to drink today, but I didn't. I felt sad and anxious all day but I'm hopeful this will start to get better as soon as I get treatment. I intend to visit a doctor after the Christmas and I'll keep everyone updated of how it goes ❤.
Davianne, I really wish I had someone who could be with me but I'm living far away from my friends, I didn't have many to begin with due to my social problems. And this is very true, these things also make me very nervous. And being alone even more. I feel like I have to memorize what to say, because I feel nervous doing things I'm not used to. But if something goes unexpectedly from what I imagined I suddenly can't think very well. That is why I ended up having a bad experience with that doctor.
Thank you very much! I feel very loved and encouraged in this forum and all your messages were very precious to me ❤! I will address both the mental and physical problems to the doctor. I will keep everyone updated.
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