I give the above title, because ‘blue’ is associated with ‘feeling blue’, melancholy, while ‘water’ is fluid, capricious, and able to take on any form.
Due to the circumstances that are current with this life or death effort for total abstinence, I cannot say whether my bouts of melancholy lie with one or the other, or both. What I do know, is that there’d be many empty bottles of bourbon due to the present situation. Hence, since I have coped thus far without booze, to me, amazing. Nevertheless, these circumstances have/are causing me stress and melancholy at times.
I thought that perhaps I’m still grieving from the loss associated with alcohol, as discussed in the last post. Though I now find that incredible to believe, since the urge to drink has weakened to the point that today I can honestly say the pull was non-existent. Mind you, I don’t expect it to be totally gone, ever, but ‘today’ it was gone.
Hitherto, the urge has been in varying degrees, as has been melancholy and is strongest whenever there is some problem or trouble. But apart from that the good news is, that interspersed with feelings of melancholy are also feelings of contentment, relaxation, happiness, fulfilment and positive self-worth, ergo the fluidity of water.
Physically, lung function is the best yet. Perception is about the same or is just becoming the new norm now, though my sense of smell has increased. I can enjoy the scent of many shrubs and trees as I pass, especially with rain. Weight loss had plateaued atm and I hadn’t realised just how fat I’d become. Maybe I hadn’t really looked at myself in the mirror for years, and even with the loss of late, I can’t believe I let myself get in this condition.
Actually, I do; trauma, alcohol, more alcohol, hot greasy chips and blurred vision. Disgusting; yet, that’s the insidious nature of alcohol, coupled with emotional trauma and poor diet. I’m only judging myself here, yet know I shouldn’t, since I’m coming from different perspective now.
So, I negotiate the blue waters, with varying hue and states of being. Searching for and working towards my future dawn of better health and better times.
Thank you all, for your support and friendship
Written by
Jalanutan
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91 Replies
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Hello,
You are demonstrating great strength of character and determination. Well done indeed, keep going.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Jalanutan. What a journey! You would never have picked it for yourself off the shelf, but what interesting discoveries you are making that you never would have without your realisation that you had to find a different way. Best wishes.
My pleasure to share Filistines, though right from the start I had my eye on the top shelf, and I've clawed through withdrawal after withdrawal to reach it. I had thought that alcohol wouldn't pose much of a problem after the previous addictions, but I was wrong.
I'm afraid that I have to say that I, am my own worst enemy; yet, I prevail, go figure...
That’s very interesting and well written Jay, Jal, limer - very emotive - guess a few of us have been there done that but perhaps not expressed it in those expressive words! Must be something to do with the soothing sea 👍
Hope you keep going - “you know it makes sense!” Sorry that’s a phrase from an advert here or a TV programme - I’m sure someone here will correct me!
Good luck me ol’ fruit. Now yes I know! You don’t have to tell me again - less of the ol’. But ol’ in this context doesn’t mean antiquated like me it means a long standing thing. So I could say me long standing fruit. But it doesn’t sound quite the same...
For me convalescence, I've bin stayin' up the range at Maleny for a change (cooler) and just went down to the beach on the bus this mornin'. But I couldn't fit inside, so they strapped me to the roof rack!!! Rofl
Hey, hozit goin? Yeah, blu's ok but like purple, reading 'n' windsurfin' and there's beaches here where it's private enough to skinny dip at high tide on a full moon, stuff the budgie smugglers lol
Curious about these hot greasy chips. Do you mean the French Fries variety or more like Pringles? It’s not relevant except to say some drinkers do eat very poorly ☹️
Bit harsh on yourself with the plateauing weight loss. You can’t be that active yet with the new hip. That will come.
In between the melancholy, sounds like you’re doing well. Well done on 60 days. Here’s to 70.
Yeah, I can say that too! Maybe as a treat occasionally. Though a side goal is to git back to my ideal weight. I've 20kg to go, the grog was always in the way...
Chips with sore finger from the Chinese takeaway use ur fingers or get free utensils? 🙄
in reply to
This is a bit much for many people.
I walked to the F&C shop in the dark after reading all this chip stuff with my dog and bought some cod and chips. Ate some at the bus stop. Bare fingers. And the rest at home with real tomato sauce, salt and vinegar. I ate too much. Haven't had any fish and chips since last November. So good. But wish I stopped at half.
I love to see those whole flakes of cooked white fish - you just know it's good - no filthy additives, boiled fast in oil, in a shell of batter (that you don't have to eat, well just a bit) :-). I'll do it again in March or maybe next November.
You wouldn't get that refinement in a fish and chip shop here - it's the original fast food - fast and furious is how they cook it. People stand in a queue to get it. You'd have to be brave to say one word that wasn't on the menu board!
My favourite way of cooking fish is in a microwave but I wrecked it in the week exploding eggs in it.
There's some neat, back packable gear for cooking outside now. That takes a lot of beating?
Hmmm, dead set? Well here, in oz, I remember that was the way it was in the 60's. Now, they actually ask you how you want: battered, crumbed or grilled!!! lol
It sounds as though the hip operation was just a footnote (hipnote?) which is also amazing, who woulda thunk it?
Just think, in 7 years(?), or something, you will have all new cells in your body and will truly be a new man!
What is blooming where you are? Here in North Carolina, there was a beautiful scent wafting from my neighbor's yard, but I couldn't identify the source. It was a very nice surprise, especially as this time of year is our autumn season.
Thank you, it's not so bad. Just needs adjusting to and forgetting about. I do mostly. This site brings it home. But the benefits of being on this site outweigh the negs!
I guess they taught that 7yrs thing in school, cause I know of it too. I don't really know if it's valid, though it seems reasonable to assume all cells would be renewed. Isn't that the way we age!!!
Here, I could smell this unusual scent which I discovered was a combo of a citrus (not yet in bloom) and a native 'banksia'. I went past weeks later and there was a strong citronella scent??? It's quite enthralling
Autumn there! Dec is the first month summer here, bring it on... maybe I'll be healed enough to git on me board n sail into the sunset hahaha
Either or, but usually gibe in strong wind and tack if dredging....or fall in the water, turn the board around and water start or crawl on the board and up haul
I'm envious of the sporty talk. My new hill walking waterproofs came yesterday and I'll need to get a gusset put in the trousers so I don't mince and hurt my arthritic back when I walk. But these are still the golden glory days?
Well, normal trousers restrict full movement. (Martial Arts trousers have a gusset that lets you do the splits if you need to). A gusset makes more freedom of movement. I have lumbar spine issues and it isn't good for me to restrict movement. Can't wear straight skirts. Can't wear waist bands.
Miles, you could get a pair of harem pants thai fisherman's pants, and see how much it eases your back. post a pic of yourself.
People like me trying really hard to cope with health issues and people like you always teaches the positive ways out of it.. thanks for your inspiring words above wish you a better health.
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