Down in the dumps

[louisa73]

Hi to all you lovely ladies I just want to ask some advice x I was diagnosed with bc in dec 13 had mammoplasty(plastic surgeons posh name for lumpectomy) chemo then radio now on tamoxifen been ok really but the last few weeks I’ve been struggling, tired, can’t sleep, very sensitive & emotional just not like me at all x I lost my Nan to cancer 2015 and that’s been playing on my mind too. Feel like everything’s finally hit home. Is this normal?

[Shhilo]

I found Tamoxifen really Really hard. I think if you can bare it struggle on but if you are finding dark thoughts then quit. Better to be here for a bit than to not at all. My husband notice very dark thoughts that I wasn't even aware of. I felt purposeless, like everyone had moved on and didn't need me. It was just the meds. The day I was off I felt differently. So it's very individual. But I feel for you. I'm 12 yrs past diagnosis and so far so good.

Best of Luck!

🌷🌼🌻🌞

[louisa73 in reply to Shhilo]

Thank you for your reply x it’s not exactly dark thoughts I just feel a bit overwhelmed almost like I’m only just dealing with things after all this time x

[Shhilo in reply to louisa73]

That's great, maybe you can just persevere then. Just be aware of your thoughts or as someone to help you watch. It wasn't myself who noticed the dark thoughts.

Just take the day in tiny little bits, that seems to help me still if I have a bad day.

🧚‍♀️🌼🌻🌞

[louisa73 in reply to Shhilo]

Thank you xx

[Debster2016]

Hey Louisa sorry to hear you are having a hard time just now - a (very) delayed reaction? And such a sad loss with your Nan 😔.

I don’t share the same timescale as you but as the past 2 1/2 since my diagnosis have passed I do find myself thinking and feeling differently about cancer and everything to do with it, mostly that it never really goes away as there will always be something to make me think of it, maybe an anniversary say or having a lymphoedema treatment or a scan. But mostly I think I am coming to terms with it in my own time and ways perhaps you are too.

I have found in the past talking to a counsellor has helped me especially following my diagnosis. A charity called We Hear You was made available to me for free and my gp surgery also gave me an appt with their allocated ‘talking therapist’ indeed my hospital also has a therapist attached to the breast unit and I saw him twice.

I’m not suggesting you do this - although maybe consider it?- but just suggesting an option for you to consider as a way of trying to address your concerns?

Having said that you may or may not be aware that different manufacturers of tamoxifen can cause different side effects so if your pharmacist has changed their supplier recently that may be part of the reason you feel different.

I hope you feel better soon and find the way that’s right for you to understand what’s happening and to know you’re not alone.

Debster x

[louisa73 in reply to Debster2016]

Thank you so much x yes I knew about the different suppliers of tamoxifen and have eliminated one that didn’t agree with me x I have been on this latest one for a while x A counsellor may be something to think about if I don’t improve I may just be having a bad month 🙂 I will give it some thought and thank you again x glad to hear you are coping well xx

[PerformancePoet]

Hi Louisa

Sorry to hear things are being tough right now. How great that your wisdom had you reach out for support ✨💛✨

I’ve now had bc 3 times!!! The first time I also had tamoxifen. Initially with zoladex, and I started to feel low almost immediately so came off it to let the zoladex work alone. At the end of 3 years and zoladex they put me back on tamoxifen. I took it for almost 5 years but gave it up when my periods and emotions were all over the place and I feared this was onset of menopause.9 months later I had the second bc diagnosis- a recurrence.

I am NOT suggesting that my stopping tamoxifen had anything to do with the recurrence, indeed the surgeon first rather glib comment was that ‘that’s the problem with tamoxifen, we know it masks symptoms’.

Having got a second recurrence diagnosis- third overall diagnosis last summer I have come to the conclusion that the medical profession as we know it, ie NHS under its current restrictions does NOT REALLY KNOW the answer. Indeed in the last 50 years since it’s been dishing out chemo etc proclaiming the best in treatment and cures there has been no reduction in the death rate. And I don’t say this out of anger but from looking at the facts. Likewise the mental health profession has no solutions for the rising number of mental ‘illness ‘ cases we see despite proclaiming they have the answer.

I truly believe it is for us to listen to our bodies, and make decisions from a place of clear mind (and I appreciate this might be hard for you right now) and from a place of love , for ourselves.

I turned down chemo the second time. I have no regrets. I was hell bent on turning it down this time too but in the moment agreed to go ahead. I’m recovering now. No regrets but I can say I never felt ill until I had it!!

What I do know is the the understanding I started to learn 4-5years ago and now teach has changed my life forever and I have great mental peace and resilience and unshake-ability which is an awesome place to make life decisions from! I have never felt so good, so confident or so optimistic and I am extremely determined to live at least as long again as I have to date as I fully intend to LIVE every moment of it! We only have now!

I’ll happily share more with you and have a personal chat if you’d like. And I’ll extend that to any woman struggling in this forum. Drop me an email on [e-mail] and I’ll share my number for a chat.

With very much love for Making Magic Happen.

Fiona xx

[louisa73 in reply to PerformancePoet]

Wow what an inspirational lady you are x I really don't mind taking the tamoxifen im okay 99% of the time it just felt like everything had built up and I had not spoken to anyone about it. After speaking to the lovely ladies on here including yourself & having a chat with my lovely hubby I am feeling a bit better. I really appreciate your reply and will definitely keep your email to hand just in case x Thankyou again and keep fighting (which it seems you already are).

Wishing you well xxx

[PerformancePoet in reply to louisa73]

So glad you are feeling better 🙌🙌👏🏻👏🏻 Seeing that we are all human and we have up days and down days is the key 🔐 we can’t change that!

Being open and honest with your nearest and dearest is also important as you clearly see. They can support when they know how we really feel. As women we are sometimes too good at putting a brave face on it so as not to worry others or look silly! That’s so not useful!! Much love Fxx

[louisa73 in reply to PerformancePoet]

Thats very true we do try to hide a lot of things so as not to worry others x

Thankyou xx