Upcoming anniversary

[Maea]

I’m coming up to the first anniversary of the death of my loved one. I’m having a hard time with it. Some days I feel responsible, most days I miss her painfully, and some days I think about ‘what if’. She wasn’t blood but she was family. She was developmentally disabled and I was her legal guardian so I feel like the choices I made for her weigh so heavily on me. She passed of cancer. There were so many variables to her life and death that logically I think I made the right choices, but they weren’t what I wanted. If I made the choices differently she may be here. She wouldn’t be the woman I knew but she’d be here. It would have been selfish, but I miss her so much. No one I know has been anywhere near this situation so I have no one to relate to. So in addition to missing her, it’s lonely. Actual bereavement groups have a cost or are poorly run. I’m not really sure who I can talk to.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello there Maea ,

Welcome to our friendly supportive Community.

So very sorry to read of your loss, I must admit, I haven't come across a situation like yours and l am sorry I haven't. I would so like to be able to give you some advice, but I can comfort you. Yours is such an unusual situation but it must happen and I will certainly look into this. What you will find here are lots of supportive members to help you day to day including myself.

You were faced with an extreme set of circumstances and I can only imagine what happened, you had to make decisions no one would want to but you did and they were the right decisions but sadly you have been left with the awful 'what if' feeling, something that you are having to face now and I really feel for you. It must be so very hard for you.

Are you in the UK Maea?

Chloe

[Maea in reply to chloe40]

I am not. I am in the US.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Maea]

Hi Maea

My first thoughts are to ask your Doctor for a referral for talking therapies, aside from support on here as you really need one to one to talk this through. In the meantime I will try and find further information for you but do stay in touch, there may be another member who has been through this experience and can offer an insight into your particular situation. {{{Hugs}}}

Chloe x

[1tuppence in reply to Maea]

Hello Maea, I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and distress, and your feeling of being alone with this. Have you heard of the Samaritans? They are trained volunteers who will listen to anyone who feels the need to talk. Altho they were initially set up in the UK to listen and talk to those contemplating suicide, they will listen to whatever we need to say, in a caring, compassionate and empathetic manner. From a previous poster, who also lives in the US, I know there are branches in America, and they have a free-phone number. Perhaps, if you feel this may be an outlet for you, you could Google Samaritans in the US. It will come up with their number.

In the meantime, sending you loving thoughts x

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Maea]

Hi again Maea

Sorry for the delay, sick I'm afraid but I have been trying to find suitable support but haven't come across anything specific to your situation. Your doctor really should know of somewhere or the hospital or hospice would have more information. I'll keep trying though, take care.

Chloe

[Greyone]

HI Maea

I can see you have already had some good advice and made some new friends as well. For you especially, talking one-to-one would help you unburden yourself. You will shortly be completing a difficult period, your first year, now is a really good time to talk to someone about your loss, someone who can help you cope with your second year.