scattering ashes

[Caza]

I was hoping that my ashes would be mixed with my daughters & then scattered but I know longer trust those left behind to carry out my wishes. So I’m thinking of scattering my daughters ashes myself, well not quite myself as I really don’t think I could do it. So there’s this company who scatter ashes via an airdrome. I’d wanted her ashes to be scattered at sea. Anyone had any experience of this or any other ideas? My sons are not interested & don’t want to be there so I don’t have to consider anyone else.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Oh my, this is a difficult decision Caza

I didn't think it was possible to do that but you've clearly looked into it and if that's what you'd like, well go ahead.

One thing Caza please be absolutely positive this is what you want x

Is there a particular reason you'd like to scatter your daughters ashes in the sea ( no need to say if it upsets you).

x

[Caza in reply to chloe40]

I got the idea after reading a poem. The only line that I remember is With every wave that goes out another will arrive. & I thought yes her genes will carry on through nephews nieces & cousins. New waves mixed with the old. Life continues & we all play a part forever. Plus we both love the sea

After her funeral my family were most insistent that I scatter her ashes immediately. So I went to see this really lovely lady who talked me through all the options. The obvious choice was a plot with a stone or plaque. After talking me through it she looked at me & said “You don’t want to this, do you” I shook my head & she said Well don’t. She said after the first few months the only person that would visit is yourself. So don’t do it. I just couldn’t bear my beautiful daughter in a churchyard with a grim looking stone. Which is how it felt to me obviously lots of people chose that way & brings them comfort. I shall never forget her kindness that day after all she lost a sale. I’m certain now’s the time

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Caza]

well, that sounds wonderful and definitely the right thing to do for you!

What a lovely lady, that was so kind and thank goodness she was.

x

[Bingofox007]

My daughter and I scattered my husbands ashes after a year or so mixed with our dogs ashes who died shortly after him. There’s a huge wood near us that we used to walk the dogs and a massive tree that my daughter and her friends used to climb and have picnics in the branches and leave notes for each other too when they were younger. We scattered them under that tree, now known as our ‘family tree’ as other pets are scattered there too and I am to end up there as well. My daughter used to work at the crematorium and was familiar with how to scatter ashes and brush the dust away after, like a little spirit flying off, so she felt confident doing this. We scattered wild flower seeds a year or so later, they didn’t really come to much. It’s amazing how much comfort that tree brings and my grandson who’s 6 knows grandad and the dogs are there and climbs the tree, always says bye grandad when we go. I agree a grim cemetery can often offer no comfort at times and a tombstone is a cold reminder of what’s beneath but having no access to a resting place takes careful consideration. The poem is very meaningful though, I agree with the sentiment. Take care 🦊x

[Caza in reply to Bingofox007]

That sounds lovely. There’s a special place where we used to live. It’s like a little island in woods. There’s open land & a cafe & a playground It goes on for miles. Not many people know about this special place. It’s fenced in & there’s a big stagnant pond in the middle which I managed to fall into (long story) Anyway people scatter their dogs ashes there & leave messages in trees. I’m not describing it very well but it really feels quite spiritual. I’d go there often when out walking the dog. I had a robin that would regularly follow me. My friend is thinking of scattering her daughter’s ashes there. Her many dogs are scattered there.

Our problem is that no one can actually face doing the deed. So I’ve hired this drone company & I really think for my daughter & myself it’s the best place for her & then for me. It’s all booked & we have a date. Family have surprised me by saying that they’d like to be there. So we’ll spend time together & have a nice pub meal & toast out daughter sister aunt cousin. 🤞

[Bingofox007]

that’s sounds really lovely. I hope you have a special day together and feel happy you have this calming spiritual place to be with her whenever you need. The robin will be there watching. I had one always trying to get in the house when my husband died. Robins appear when love ones are near…had that on a candle someone gave me once. It’s true. Take care 🦊x

[Caza in reply to Bingofox007]

I think I mislead you Bingo. It’s my friend who’s thinking of scattering her ashes there.

We’ve decided to scatter our daughters ashes in the sea, which my daughter & myself love the sea.

[Bingofox007]

I’m easily confused, bless ya. No prob. Got to be wherever you feel is best is best. Take care 🦊xx

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

We scattered my brother's ashes at sea. Although he originally wanted to be put in a coffee can and "dumped" at sea. Our mom told him that wasn't possible because that would be a crime. She didn't want to get a ticket for littering 😂

So my brother was taken to his favorite pier where he and our grandfather loved to fish. He was scattered over the railing. He drifted out to the sea.

I'm sorry you have to go at this alone. You should do what is best for you and your daughter. If you got a friend that can help complete both of your wishes then do that.

Sending you healing and love 🫂 ❤️

"What is grief? If not love preserving"

[Caza in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I’m sorry about your brother he must of been young. Well I’m with him I love coffee & I love the sea but won’t upset your mum!

I put the scattering date on the family chat & now they’ll be 12 of us. I didn’t expect that. Can’t back out now. I won’t but boy it’s hard.