So, how's your week been?

[chloe40]

Have you had a reasonably good week or a very difficult one?

Can you share with your friends here?

Chloe <3

[PMRPete]

Yesterday was the first anniversary of my wife's death, so difficult to say the least. We were together for 70 years, married for 69.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to PMRPete]

Hello PMRPete

Oh, that must have been so hard to get through Pete 💗 Anniversaries can be a really difficult occasion, and the runner up is just as painful but I hope you had support to help you get through the day.

My goodness, how proud you must be to have had such a long and loving relationship, so lovely.

Chloe

[PMRPete in reply to chloe40]

Thank you, Yes my youngest son and his wife stayed with me for a long weekend, so I was well looked after but the mind still goes over things! We met at a Boxing day party in 1950 so it was certainly a long relationship.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to PMRPete]

I'm so pleased they were with you Pete, you need people around but yes, you can't stop the thoughts

That's so wonderful

💗

[kenster1 Volunteer in reply to PMRPete]

sorry to hear that Pete thinking of you.

[Floxxy in reply to PMRPete]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope that you have plenty of very happy memories. Take care. X

[Caza in reply to PMRPete]

That’s got to be so hard for you Pete. Look after yourself x

[kenster1 Volunteer]

50/50 it was my birthday on Friday.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to kenster1]

Belated birthday wishes kenster1 🥳

[JD1922]

Today is 1 week with my fathers passing at home on hospice. He only became a DNR less than 2 weeks ago. We just had a beautiful service and his employer for 30 years delivered a plaque that was very meaningful. Despite having a panic attack before the start of the funeral service, I was able to regain my strength through prayer and went on to speak after my brother abruptly left the podium. I know he is in peace, I know he was suffering at the end. I believe I will see his spirit again, one day. But I still wake up each day at a new point on a roller coaster, if I even fully close my eyes for the night. The pain of realizing I don't get to see or hug him anymore hurts more and more each day. When I start to feel I get to a place of acceptance I see something, anything, that reminds me of him and I lose it. It feels as if the scab is being pulled off just as it’s forming. That’s the grief layer. Then there’s the layer of family messiness that follows a death. Yikes. Does not bring out the best in people. I understand why now. Everyone has their lens of how they viewed that person and what they want to do to honor them. Everyone wants something to remember someone by but essentially falls into two categories. A: wants family heirlooms for sentimental value only, large or small, with intentions of never exchanging it for financial gain but will pass on to generations. B: wants everything and anything of potential value (open or covertly) wanting to cash out and the financial gain would mean more than the sentimental value to them or others.

We had an incredible bond so at times I also really wanted items to hold on to and keep him close. In the past few months my father actually offered to name things specifically in his will to me and I carefully considered it but I knew it had great potential to tear my family apart in a painful time so I asked him not to do it. I came to a place where I decided to let it all go and have the only intention be to preserve relationships. 1 week after his passing however, and it does not seem to mean much to others, especially ones you expected to be more compassionate. I always heard this stuff gets messy and I am often described as the person who won’t steal during the game white elephant. (Goal is to steal gifts)

This is cringe to me even anonymously but if this resonates with anyone I would love to know any success strategies that have worked for others.

[Kkimm in reply to JD1922]

Hi JDI am very sorry for your loss, it is such early days and it will be very painful now but time eventually will reduce the pain. You sound to be a very kind caring person and have done what you can to preserve relationships. I don't have much wisdom to offer but just to say that standing clear of what others are squabbling over may be the best option. You have your memories and the knowledge of what your father meant to you and you to him which is the most precious thing of all.Very best wishes

Kim

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to JD1922]

Hello JD1922 I really am very sorry to read of your sad loss <3

Yes, I'm afraid a death in the family often brings with it arguments and anguish sadly for others.

It is very early days and it is a time for healing, so please make time to look after yourself.

Chloe <3

[Kkimm]

I have had a good week overall Chloe, thanks for asking.I am very sorry to hear about your sad loss Pete.However you are lucky to have had a wonderful long life together and good support from family.

I live on the East coast of England and when I am feeling down I drive somewhere pretty where I can take photos.

This is a little historic fishing village where I wandered and took these photos yesterday. The exercise and the beauty and interest of my surroundings helped my spirits to rise.

The sun was shining but it was cold with a nip in the air. I met several locals and we chatted a little, everyone is so friendly there.

Many of the houses have stood for hundreds of years and will have seen many generations be born, marry and die within their walls. There is a feeling of permanence and stability there.

My very best wishes to all who read this.

Kim

Photos of a little fishing village to include marshes, a boatyard and historic houses

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Kkimm]

Hi Kkimm

Thank you for such a lovely post and beautiful photographs.

Nature is healing itself, you're blessed to have such a beautiful village close by.

Chloe <3

[Sandradsn]

It was the anniversary of my mums passing and her birthday on Friday.Its been 2 years and I thought it would be easier.I've not felt well so that didn't help.Today I went go M&S ,her favourite shop and bought bunches of daffodils !🙂

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Sandradsn Anniversaries are so emotionally painful and draining, it's still quite raw Sandra, so don't push yourself. That was such a lovely thought, daffodils hold many memories for me too.

I hope you feel better soon <3

[Ruby1973]

Last week was one year since we lost my dad and it doesn’t feel like it gets any easier. Christmas and New year were hard as last year he was taken into hospital on Christmas Eve so it brought back all the horrible memories from then.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Ruby1973]

Hi Ruby1973

I do feel for you <3 Anniversaries, especially the first, are so difficult to get through.

I hope you had support from family and friends too but remember, we're here for you!

Chloe