Have you learned a new skill... - Bereavement Care ...

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Have you learned a new skill...

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator
27 Replies

Out of necessity or for pleasure?

I seem to have become a lifelong learner since my loss, just a shame my Dad wasn't around to share in my success.

How about you?

Chloe

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chloe40
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27 Replies

Hi Chloe, I took my city and guilds in bike mechanics so that I could be a volunteer in a secure prison, I'd bought a seized up 1926 push bike and just fully restored so thought it would be very satisfying thing to do.

I think that we should go through life learning and evolving, 😊 even though it feels more like it's unravelling sometimes...LOL

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to

Thanks Hidden

That was a great achievement and great to have accomplished that, especially when it's for good purposes, well done you! :-)

I've completed several courses and now on my 2nd degree for volunteering purposes and I love it, I find it so satisfying when I actually look back at what I've done these past years. :-)

Chloe

in reply to chloe40

Hey well done you Chloe as thats sounds very satisfying as its giving something back and helping those who need support. I'm very impressed 😊

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to

That's it exactly @Jerry, it's about giving something back, something we can all do when we feel up to it :-)

Chloe

Yes I am a lifelong learner myself and I am currently learning intermediate level Welsh at night school which I am enjoying as the tutor is really nice and the other students there.

The tutor has been a great friend to me and support after I handed in my notice to my previous post back in October because I had had enough of their attitudes there and bullying manner which I had put up with for too long!

She had been bullied at the BBC where she worked and had walked out as she had had enough! With me I wrote to them giving a month's notice to say I was finishing and had finished at the end of November there without anything else and I had ended up leaving there with my head held high as I had wanted to my only regret being wishing things could have been different and also not doing it sooner was as well!

Even though I had wanted to have left that job and had done it on my terms I was still devastated by the experience but I feel better now time has passed by.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to

Hi Hidden

Intermediate Welsh, wow, that's great :-) that's a great achievement and very worthwhile too!

Sorry you had such a horrible experience, it's not at all nice to be treated badly in a place of work, very uncomfortable for you to be bullied and not acceptable at all, and I'm glad you've found support from someone who has been through such an experience.

I do wish you well for the future and hope you find employment where you will be valued!

Chloe <3

in reply to chloe40

There was another tutor who is the Welsh language officer at my previous job who is nice and does the Saturday schools now and again and she said how she had been bullied out of a place as well and like my friends think that the ones who do it are jealous.

At my previous post they had bullied another colleague out of the place as well. They really had it out for that girl and she kept going sick and then was sick for ages and one day had been called in for a meeting and we had seen her in the canteen and she had said how she didn't want to come back to the office and was going to ask for a redeployment and I had said don't you have to apply for redeployment the same way you do for external jobs but had wished her luck anyway as deep down I knew she wasn't getting a redeployment but hadn't wanted to upset her and I was right as that day they had sacked her officially for having been sick!

Personally I feel they did her a favour in sacking her officially but still it's not a nice thing to go through as its losing your job at the end of it all.

Then another colleague told me how the girl had ended up in a financial mess after she had been sacked and had been repossessed and I had asked had she been to the bank and told them she had lost her job as when you are upfront with places you owe money to as I was after I left I had told the landlady where I live that I had lost my job and she had been very kind as most places if you are honest with them about changes in circumstances normally are quite sympathetic towards you.

It's bloody disgusting what they did to that girl in my view!

I was going to have taken them to a tribunal but had decided against it as I know how vindictive they get!

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to

My goodness Hidden

It's more prevalent than I realised.

Sounds as though the girl was better off out of there, but even so a dreadfully upsetting experience which can have life long consequences of that can break a person.

I wish her well.

Take good care of yourself <3

Chloe

in reply to chloe40

I had told my friends at the Welsh class what had happened and they had said how it wasn't fair that I had felt I had to leave there in order to save my sanity!

I had wanted to leave on my own terms ratger than end up getting pushed out of the place for silly reasons as I had been told off for really silly things like ringing the lady who was doing a minute taking course that I had applied for that I wouldn't be doing it anymore out of politeness for the silly reason that I had gone behind their backs by ringing her directly to explain!

All it was over was that they had perceived it as an attack on their petty authority that I hadn't gone to them hence me getting told off!

After I had written saying I was finishing back in October I had to sign a leavers form and it was Halloween and I had gone to the room to sign the form with a face as black as thunder as I was upset and you would think my chair had been on fire the way I had got up with force to go there as I was ever so upset!

What I was upset over was the unfairness of the situation and the poor way I was treated more than anything else being that at the meeting I was told I had taken too much leave and would have to pay it back. Fair enough in itself it wasn't that which upset me and I had asked for some days off in November as I had been led to believe that I still had days left and no I hadn't but I could take flexi and I had thought bgger it I don't care anymore and had decided I would go without than do more hours for them than I had to!

Just to explain it wasn't the not getting the leave in itself that had me crying my eyes out at that meeting no it was a symptom of how I was treated and the unfairness that did!

All they did when I was crying was laugh in my face and didn't attempt to comfort me which one of my older friends said was a poor reflection of them and their character when I had rung her up for a chat and had cried down the phone that evening and she had been very kind as were colleagues there who had physically tried to comfort me which I had appreciated and had told them if they ever want to discuss difficulties then my door is always open for them. They had said to me that's bloody unfair that is and I had said too right it is!

The older friend I had cried down the phone to had said it was beyond her how they hadn't tried to talk to me about resigning to make sure was it what I really wanted and it blew her mind the way they had just accepted the letter and sent it to senior management as soon as they got it!

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to

Oh Hidden

You really have been upset and I can understand why.

I do hope that soon you'll be able to move forward and take a job where you will be appreciated for what you do and who you are!

Take good care of yourself.

Chloe <3

in reply to chloe40

I have great faith in one day the stars will align and I will go to a place thats right for me.

I am interviewing next week Tuesday and Thursday at the nice time of 11am at those places.

I did a phone interview with legal and general in Thursday at 4.30pm and the lady seemed nice on the phone and said she would let everyone know next Wednesday at the earliest if she wants to take things further and do a traditional interview at their offices.

I used to work in a building where their offices are years ago and the gym there would be for all the tenants to use in the building and the legal and general staff would be in there and there was a lovely lady called Linda who worked for them who I knew from there who had 2 kids, a dog and 2 rabbits.

There was a member of management with us who was a practice nurse originally but had gone into management who went to that gym and became a professor and was always very supportive saying how of course you feel envious when others get things and you don't and how it's natural as long as you don't try to hurt them in jealousy.

I was a bit disappointed on Friday when I found out I wasn't getting a job I had interviewed for last Tuesday but talked with my friends who said its normal to be disappointed and I did say it was probably a blessing in disguise as it was temporary and I probably would have hated it there as it wasn't right for me but I was still disappointed though.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to

Sorry you were disappointed Hidden yes, it is only natural you felt this way but I wish you well for the interviews next week and hope one is the job for you.

Take care

Chloe <3

in reply to chloe40

I was well aware that I wasn't the only one who went for that job that was disappointed as more people are disappointed than not!

At my previous job there was a secondment up for grabs and I had applied for it and hadn't got it and neither had most of my colleagues who had tried for it.

They wouldn't tell me who had got it so I had kept my eyes on the office door to observe peoples body language as they were coming out of the room to give me an idea who had got it and who hadn't.

One chap who had applied for it had gone out of the office red faced after being told he hadn't got it and then another colleague had come out in tears after getting told no she hadn't got the secondment and I had gone over to her and comforted her saying how lots of other people were feeling the same way and how she wasn't the only one disappointed and how I suspected that the secondment was a fix and that they had decided who they wanted before anyone went to interview and how its never nice to be disappointed and said about times I have burst into tears of disappointment after being told I wasn't getting something to show she wasn't on her own.

Dalipup profile image
Dalipup in reply to

This group is obviously from across the pond, but this post touched me because I haven't heard Welsh since my Grandmother passed about 25 years ago. As soon as I saw this, it brought her to mind and I could hear her voice in my head! Thank you for that lovely memory

Nathalie99 profile image
Nathalie99

I learned how to paint and do DIY stuff like assembling furniture, hanging them on the wall and other things.

My father was good at renovations and would show me how to do things but I didn't take it in. After he died, I started one. Somehow it helped me.

I have a passion for interior design and adding DIY skills is really good as I can do a lot myself.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Nathalie99

Hi Nathalie99

What a great skill to have! something that you will use throughout your life too.

That's a lovely legacy from your Father :-)

Chloe

Bereaved2017 profile image
Bereaved2017

I lost my mom to cancer when I was 16, lost Daddy to PSP 3 years ago, I'm 60, so I've known for all my adult life I still like to make my parents proud of me, even if they don't know about any of it until the afterlife. I wish my dad knew about my new job I got about a year after he passed. I was his fulltime caregiver for his last 2 years of life. My job is supervisor at a homeless shelter for women and children. Daddy (and Mama) would've loved that! I wish he knew I created a forum group for PSP in the USA after being his caregiver for about a year and that (sadly but hopefully also helpfully-) it's grown by leaps and bounds, and that I pray for those people but can't read too much of it before I'm in tears. He'd like that I'm still trying to do anything to contribute to making others aware of PSP and I do, every chance I get. I wish he could've seen the nice (used) fully loaded Jeep vehicle and the adorable used camper I got using the inheritance he left me. And now that I've figured out I shouldn't have gotten married a few months ago, after dating just 2 months, I wish he could tell me what I should DO at this point because I'm confused. Mama has been gone for so long that it's much easier to imagine and wish Daddy was here to love me and care about my successes and stupid failures. I miss them both and am sadly content knowing I always will. Love and prayers for you all!! Keep up the good fight always!!

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Bereaved2017

Hello Bereaved2017

You are amazing! your parents would be so proud of you and please hold onto that thought.

You've achieved so much and many people are benefitting because of it, well done and keep doing what you're doing <3

Chloe <3

sweetiepye profile image
sweetiepye

For the last five years I have been taking university courses on line . They are free to senior citizens and taught by regular faculty . Recently I had a class about the life of Churchill and followed that with the life of C. S. Lewis , both were absolutely fascinating . I like learning for my own enjoyment but there is the added benefit of increasing memory and cognitive abilities.

I enjoy seeing the look on peoples faces when I say I have to go home because I have to study for tomorrow's exam . lol

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to sweetiepye

Hi sweetiepye

That's brilliant Pam, and you've hit the nail on the head, studying and learning really does keep the old brain alive. I think we also benefit with our communication skills too as we come into contact with new people and experiences.

Keep learning Pam, you should be proud of yourself!

Chloe <3

in reply to sweetiepye

There's a lady who comes to our Saturday Welsh schools who is 69 and a Scottish lady who is 60 who are really nice and friendly.

Dalipup profile image
Dalipup

Again my grief currently is for my husband's declining condition. The skill I am learning, which I truly don't want, is how to research and read and understand (mostly) clinical trials. I

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Dalipup

Hi Dalipup

Now that's a skill I can understand you really don't want. It must be extremely distressing for you and I imagine you have no-one to share that with. It's very hard to be positive when you're feeling like this.

Is that a little Daxi I see?

Chloe

Dalipup profile image
Dalipup in reply to chloe40

Yes she is our beloved rescue dog. She is a cross of long hair dachshund and Brittany spaniel. She is almost 11 years old and still looks like a puppy but is moving slower. Her name is Dali as her rescue group were named after painters and we just never changed it

as far as my new skill my daughter thinks there could be a career called cancer consultant who just does this ground work! It truly can take hours but I would not know how to even begin if it wasn't for the guys on the advanced prostate cancer blog of this health site! The help we have received from finding this site is astounding and I recommend this site to everyone I know! So thank you for your portion of this site that gives us all a place to set our feelings down when we are tired of burdening our friends, who just don't understand, with them!

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Dalipup

Hi Dalipup

I thought so, lovely dog and very loyal.

Your daughter could be right! food for thought indeed.

Thank you for your kind words, the advanced cancer forum is excellent and I'm glad you've found support at such a difficult time in your life.

Take good care of yourself <3

Chloe

Dalipup profile image
Dalipup in reply to chloe40

Thanks Chloe. I have had my rounds of grief in the past ten years with both my parents and two closest friends. I've done a lot of grief work and know when I need help, which is why when I saw this group here I signed on! I have a lot of support here but sometimes you just need that place that " gets it! ". Thank you for that space

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Dalipup

Thank you! Dalipup

Always here for you<3

Chloe

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