What's your view about flowers at fun... - Bereavement Care ...

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What's your view about flowers at funerals?

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator
35 Replies

There seems to be a growing movement towards donations to various places, hospices, hospital etc rather than flowers at a funeral , how do you feel about this, do you have a preference?

Chloe

35 Replies
kenster1 profile image
kenster1Volunteer

hi Chloe my dad wasn't a big flower fan although we sneaked a few on at his burial.donations are great as well tradition is to go with flowers its a visible mark of respect and headstones don't look bare like no one cared.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to kenster1

Yes, I agree, funerals would be even more difficult if everywhere was so bare but I do understand the need for donations too, sad as it is, most charities and other places are in dire need of funds.

Chloe

kenster1 profile image
kenster1Volunteer in reply to chloe40

yeah I think we are a great nation for donating to different charaties this young guy about 17 passed away recently his good friend set up a charity football match in his memory raised a lot of money and it was donated to the sick kids hospital in Glasgow.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to kenster1

Yes, I think we are very generous when it comes to charities.

So sorry to read this Kenny kenster1 what a terrible shock for all concerned but an absolutely lovely gesture from his friend.

Chloe

Greyone profile image
Greyone

I think there must have been a time when charitable donations took over as a way to reduce the problems with all the fowers crems had and sending flowers if your a distant relative and unable to attend could be difficult so suggested charities related to the deceased may have become the custom.

My mum was a keen Gardner and loved flowers. She always used to say "there's nothing nicer than red and yellow", means roses and daffs - her beloved. So for her funeral we ordered just that and also said that flowers were welcome. We suggested where donations would be favoured.

Nowadays I think all this makes deciding what to do a bit easier. But i'd be mighty curious to hear if anyone can say otherwise.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Greyone

I think as you said , having a choice makes it so much easier for friends and relatives, and of course flowers are so expensive these days, that choice is the answer.

Chloe

Gjkas profile image
Gjkas in reply to Greyone

I agree with you. I Love Flowers as well.

I would be so hurt if I thought that nobody had enough respect to get me any flowers for my Funeral.

I THINK THAT I'D COME BACK AND HAUNT THEM...HMMMMMM..

Im glad you got flowers for your Mam, especially as she loved Gardening. .

Donation Boxes are in all the Churches and Crematoriums now anyway.

So if people would like to make donations in lieu, That's fine as well..x

Midori profile image
Midori

Personally, I can't see the point of flowers at funerals. The cost of them is exorbitant, and money would be better as donations to a favourite charity.

Also, Have you ever looked closely at a funeral wreath and what the florist actually does to the flowers? It's awful, stems cut to just stubs, wires being pushed right through the flower head in order for it to stay in the same place. Same with wedding bouquets, the blooms are actively tortured into shape, then kept in a refrigerator.

I'd prefer to give a donation any day.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Midori

When you put it like that Midori hmmm.... it does put a different light on the question.

Chloe

Gjkas profile image
Gjkas in reply to Midori

I like Flowers at a Funeral, especially from Family. Surely money don't come into it if it's for someone you LOVE. ❤

You don't have to go over the top, just a nice little Spray would be better than nothing. You can make a small donation any time of the year. But there's only this one time that you can give flowers to this particular Loved one...

As for CHRISTMAS Wreaths i buy the ones that doesn't have a lot of decorations on them. I like to dress them up myself. Last year i put 4 little Robbins, a few little miniature drums on it,because my Dad used to like to listen to , THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY.

I also put some little artificial fruits and berries on them .I love doing them like that. I also put a tiny little message in a little weenie card for my Mum ,Dad and Brother,and put it just below the Earth before i put the wreath down over it.It's more personal. I am going to try and do it again this year if i can 🤞.But i don't know about next year. Don't think I'll be able to. x Gjkas.

Nathalie99 profile image
Nathalie99

A small arrangement is nice but the overwhelming pile of those funeral ones are a bit much.

Different countries have different traditions even in Europe.

I like the idea of pictures in frames of the best times and nice music, personal touches that mean something, whatever it is.

It should be unique to give the tribute to the person that we are remembering. That's what makes even a small simple ceremony so special.

Doing the standard thing doesn't give the justice to the person and it's easy to forget because it's just like any other funeral.

I think things are changing and they are more customized and there are more options.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator

I think you're right Nathalie99

Funerals are changing, if you look back a few years we would never even have had personal music!

I like the idea of photos too, after all the funeral are personal celebrations and with the cost, we should be able to have more of an input.

Chloe

Buzzytruk profile image
Buzzytruk

At my dearest husband's funeral in October last year

I arranged for a coffin spray from me and a small wreath from son and two grandchildren . Plus a framed photograph when in church.

At the service there was a collection, the money I decided should go

for something for the community.

It was arranged that a bench in our village would be ok.

The difference between the donations and the cost I made up.

It's a bench that will stand for years .Made of recycled plastic.

It also looks good .

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Buzzytruk

Thank you for your reply Buzzytruk

I really like the idea of having a permanent remembrance of a loved one and I think you decided on the perfect tribute, that's lovely!

Chloe

Gjkas profile image
Gjkas in reply to Buzzytruk

That is such a lovely Tribute to your Husband..x HUGS. Gjkas.

GoGo_JoJo profile image
GoGo_JoJo

It's a tough one... my Dad's was a pathetic affair, one ridiculous too large wreath my mother had arranged with the funeral director and a tiny basket his mum had sent. Nothing else.

I think a handful of arrangements is about right, preferably flowers they liked or in colours they liked.

I've lost a few friends where the flowers were lovely and they would have enjoyed them too.

Each one is different though.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo

Yes, every funeral is different for sure GoGo_JoJo

When my Mother in Law passed she had beautiful floral tributes and baskets too. I was determined they would not be left to rot, so we brought them home and her grandchildren took them and her kept them alive for several days.

Funny thing is, after reading everyone's posts I've remembered that she hated cut flowers! she never had them in her home but did have lots of potted plants. I am now thinking maybe she couldn't bear the thought of the flowers being cut as Midori mentioned, I wish I'd asked her now.

Chloe

GoGo_JoJo profile image
GoGo_JoJo in reply to chloe40

This is why it is so important that we all document our own wishes for our own services. People feel under pressure and don't know what to do for the best

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo

That's exactly right GoGo_JoJo

Chloe x

Midori profile image
Midori in reply to chloe40

I too hate cut flowers in the house; I prefer potted plants.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Midori

Hello Midori

Yes, I can now understand your thinking, thanks for your contribution.

Chloe

Gjkas profile image
Gjkas in reply to Midori

I dont like cut flowers in the house because I have some breathing problems. But i used to Love them in the Garden.

And I would also like some at my Funeral. Not a pile that would make it look Tatty .

But I would like some.

My Family knows about everything that I want when I pass away.

I don't want the Horse and Carriage. Even though my Husband said that if i go before him, that's what he wanted to have for me.

But I do want a ,

CREAM COLOUR COFFIN..

WHITE LILLIES AND PINK CARNATIONS for my flowers.

Oh i can't say anything else about it.

Im getting myself down in the dumps, thinking about it..

TAKE CARE EVERYONE 😚x Gjkas.

Clarrisa profile image
Clarrisa

I live in the states. When a sister was married my mother rented flowers. I did not know you could do that, but you can at least here. When my companion passed I told his family they could probably rent flowers. I think they did because he had these big spreads of flowers that I noticed where all very promptly removed after the service, & likely refreshed & sent on to the next one.

My companion always said “The world should be plastic,” because of his allergies. He had a large turn out for his service so the flowers may have helped ease pain here or there. And they did not appear to go to waste afterward!

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Clarrisa

Hi Clarrisa

I think 'renting flowers' is a marvellous idea, it makes so much sense, pity we don't have that in the UK.

Thanks for enlightening us.

Chloe

Da0308 profile image
Da0308

It's my mum's funeral in 11 days & lots of people have asked me about flowers. Immediate family are having flowers, otherwise donations to British heart foundation who support the community heart failure nurses, their support was invaluable looking after mum. Yes flowers are a lovely gesture, but they can be expensive & die quickly.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator

Thank you Da0308

So sorry about your loss, it's going to be hard for you, one step at a time. The next step, the funeral will be really emotional for you, so take it easy and remember, we are here for you.

Chloe

Gjkas profile image
Gjkas

Well i used to Love Gardening, just the same as my Dad did.

Also won quite a few Gardening Competition. So at my Funeral I would like flowers. Ive told my Husband that if I go before him (🙏I PRAY THAT I DO 🙏)

that I want WHITE LILLIES and PINK CARNATIONS.

I wouldn't mind a collection box, so that if people wanted to put a donation in, that's fine.

But from my Family I would like to have flowers .I know that flowers are expensive. But for goodness sake, if it's someone you Love

What the hell. Buy them because it'll be the last thing you can get for them before they go into the ground. .

ASHES TO ASHES, DUST TO DUST.

Goodnight Godbless Everyone x Gjkas

PINK CARNATIONS.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Gjkas

Please don't worry, I have edited your post now, so relax {{{hugs}}}

Chloe

Gjkas profile image
Gjkas

Chloe i made a BIG mistake in my message up above this one. I wish I had a special rubber so that I could rub that one part out.

It's the part where I said that ive told my Husband that if I go before him i meant to put ( 🙏I PRAY THAT I DO 🙏. )..

Go before him..

But I messed up and worded it wrong.

You know, i??? have had it on my mind nearly all night. .I knew i had done something wrong, but it took me ages to look at it again,because it made me feel so bad...

I pray to GOD that I do go BEFORE HIM.

Because I know that I just couldn't live without him. Well I feel a little bit better telling you that. But I still feel awful.

Thanks for being there Chloe x😪

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Gjkas

All done now Gjkas

Take good care of yourself now x

Thank you!

Chloe x

Gjkas profile image
Gjkas in reply to chloe40

Thankyou Chloe,

You make me feel better because yousre there.

All done. x Gjkas

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Gjkas

That's so nice of you to say @Gjkas {{{hugs}}}

Be kind to yourself x

Chloe

Gjkas profile image
Gjkas in reply to chloe40

Chloe i don't want to be a pain in the butt.

BUT YOU REALLY ARE A GEM.

THANKYOU SO MUCH. x Gjkas.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Gjkas

You're could never be that <3

Chloe

Andy1e profile image
Andy1e

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