they didn't know what to say to you?
It seems to be quite a common problem, neighbours, friends and even family just don't know what to say, so instead of giving a hug or saying 'I'm hear for you' they say nothing. This can be so hurtful especially when we're distressed already.
Chloe
My family is thin on the ground, on both sides. I have to admit that I have lost track of most of my friends and rarely see or hear from them, just a few ex-work colleagues. But what training do we have in comforting others? I learnt nothing at school or college on how to do this. My compassion came from the school of life.
Maybe some have tried to comfort and got a little burnt for their efforts and then decide "no, it's not for me". Maybe it was too hard to bear the sight of a loved one near the end of life, gasping for air with a dry rasping throat. Or maybe fallen into the pit of despair and unable to climb out. In our grief and lonely despair, what do we think of these people?
Maybe giving and receiving compassion and support or grief should be a compulsory subject on the school curriculum.
<phew....... and relax>
Slow down there Greyone
I can fully understand if someone has been through a very difficult ending and loss, that they don't feel able to comfort others. What I find upsetting is some people actually avoid any contact solely because they don't know what to say or do, it's not that hard to give a hug or a kind word surely?
I know exactly what you mean about the dispersal of family, yes, me too!
Chloe
Several years ago, listening to a Christian radio station, i recall hearing a poem on the subject of other peoples worries (for example about how that elderly couple that won't get out of my way, may just have their minds on waiting for test results from their hospital etc). I wish I could remember it now because it was so powerful and yet simple. I always think of it because it just shows that when we are rightly looking for support from family and friends we sometimes forget they may be in the same position.
I think of this with my own family because my sister and I are only 18 months apart and approaching late 50's. We both have our own needs and needs support for different reasons.
But that's why we're here, offering to help others despite our own problems and needs! With you are Knight in shining armour (:->> .
my mum was there for me she lost three kids herself so knew how I felt.i had two friends(brothers) support me in the beginning but sadly they passed away as well.most other friends just didn't know what to say.when my mum died I had no one really recently with my dad I had my partner and kids not much in friends offering support.my brother is non existent my other brother didn't even go to the funeral but at least I have my sister.
That's such a shame Kenny kenster1
I'm really glad you still have your sister. Why families behave in this way is beyond me, I've found a similar situation myself Kenny.
Take good care of yourself my friend.
Chloe
