Healing me softly & hardly a bit!

[Hopeful_kidney]

I call the facility "school" davita clinic for my hemodialysis. I call the staff the rn's & technicians professors & teachers as if I actually go to a night class at the university so I'll feel less scared & panicky. Just to divert my situation.

I just talked to the social worker about the loss of my sister Nancy who served in the army. I feel much better telling how I miss her everyday. I wish she's still here since she passed away at a very young age of 39.

There's more great things ahead of her. My very smart, giving, loving & friendly sistah! If I could only do something to bring her back I'll do it in a heartbeat. I must say she's in a better place now away from LIFE's pain & suffering. I know she'd been thru hell at times. Fighting her demons here & there! RIP in heaven Ate (sister). What a relief telling someone whose willing to listen. I just need someone to talk to & willing to listen. No judgement whatsoever. A listening ear I must say! I don't feel alone with this very challenging battle. I'm still struggling being cannulated 2× mwf & hooked on the machine for 3 hours. Hoping to get used to it since I'm just starting with the big "D" which scared the hell out of me because I don't nothing abt. it at first. Because things are pretty scary when you don't know & you only have little knowledge about it. I just need wisdom to get by because thinking about what I'm gonna get through every dialysis weakens me. I wanna quit & give up. It's not like walk in the park. I still believe there's hope for people like me.

I just started going outside yesterday to do some grocery shopping. Still a struggle but I must say I did okay. I saw people I haven't seen in awhile since I was discharge from the hospital. I felt the Daly city cold weather on my face, the breeze which it's always chilly. I never experience Indian summer since I live here. I'm crossing my finger & praying for miracle to come sooner! I can't wait to be normal again! I wanna go home!

Sincerely,

Sonia

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Sonia @Hope_kidney,

Welcome to our friendly Community.

Really sorry for the sad loss of your sister and the struggles you are facing in health and life. Each day sounds like uphill struggle right now but it will slowly ease, you'll have ups and downs when you least expect them but one day, you'll find acceptance, in the meantime, please do contribute here and remember, we're always here.

You'll find our members are very supportive and understanding, there's always a listening ear here!

Chloe

[Hopeful_kidney in reply to chloe40]

Thank you!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Hopeful_kidney]

You're so very welcome!

Chloe

[Greyone]

Hi hopefull.

So sorry to read of your loss and what you are still going through. I admire your choice of name, "school", I hope it is serving you well and makes things easier. And DaVita "giving life" has a lively life-giving ring to it so I hope a lot rubs off on you.

I hope you will have time to visit us again, come back on your journey and I send you my good wishes and prayers.

[Hopeful_kidney in reply to Greyone]

Thank you !