Don’t know how to cope

[Aisha12]

This Friday will be exactly 1 year since my dad suddenly passed away. I’ve got to a stage where the thought of my dad starts to overwhelm me so much I have to push those thoughts away. But the thing is, I’m not just pushing them away, I’m pushing them deep within me, and at some point they will all spill out. Nearing the 1 year of his passing is so difficult. I really don’t know how to cope. I mean, I think about him all the time. There’s not an hour that goes by where I’m not thinking about him. It’s just, I can’t allow myself to REALLY think about him if that makes sense. I can’t think about his face, the way he looked, his words, his presence. It’s all so overwhelming, like a punch to my chest. I’ve been battling with this for a whole year, I don’t know how long I can go on battling with this. It’s been a year, and it still feels as fresh as it did a year ago, in fact more so, because I guess the shock of him passing is sinking in now. So the feeling of losing him is a lot worse now than it was then.

I haven’t worked for a whole year and was forced to leave my job because I wasn’t ready to go back to work after just 2 months of his passing. And tbh, I still don’t feel ready. I’ve had so many health issues too this year. I’ve had sepsis, I’ve been in and out of hospital with an explained fever, recurring infections and no one seems to understand why. I’ve been told by my gp he thinks my immunity has lowered because of stress. I feel down all the time. I’m just not coping. No one around me understands, and I don’t expect them to really. It’s a journey i am going through alone, and it’s something I have to figure out myself.

I still can’t believe his gone. I can’t believe he’s no more. The only thing keeping me going is seeing him in my dreams. He holds me in my dreams, and when I wake up I can still feel my dads warm hug. I think if I didn’t have that, I dread to think where I’d be right now.

It’s been such a difficult year, and this week feels like such a difficult week. At the moment I know my dad we with me this time last year, but come Friday I can no longer say that. How has everyone else dealt with the one year loss of their loved one? Does it get better?

[Greyone]

HI Aisha12.

The first year is very hard, many here will understand that. You must have been very close to your Dad as we all are and that can make it harder, especially when it next comes to anniversaries. I hope you and any family are able to commemorate or remember your dad as best you can with all the good times and if the tears come then let them come when your remembering him with others or on your own. This release i think and hope will help you.

If you find yourself thinking of and grieving for him often , why not set aside a time of the day and week when you can think of him with love and shed as many tears as you wish.

I can sympathise with your work position because i was made redundant less than a year after my mother died and i am trying to cope with loosing both job and mum ( last month was her 2nd anniversary). Only now do i feel capable of re-entering the job market and trying to move my life on so i am surrounding myself with people who can help with either.

Has your GP suggested talking to a professional that can help you with your bereavement and job loss. I had counselling a year after my mother died and i found it greatly beneficial to talk to someone who was a stranger and counsellor. It was the first time i had "discussed" my mother and my loss with anyone at all. This also helped with coming to terms with how she died and i can honestly say that it made such a difference to my wellbeing.

You could also try CRUSE bereavement care on 0808 808 1677​. I have spoken to them 3 times and they have been a great help to me with support and advice.

As someone just a little further down the road i would heartily recommend counselling one way or anther and i hope very soon you can look forward to support from other members soon.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Aisha12

Welcome my friend.

So sorry for the sad loss of your Father. You really have been through an awful lot, your loss, then the ill health you have suffered since.

Personally, I feel you need to talk this through with a professional asap, you need time to talk about your Father and the shock of losing him, because your thoughts are consumed with grief and you need help to make the first steps forward now.

Work is a good distraction Aisha and if you cannot find a job then I suggest you take up activities that focus your mind on other things, if only for short periods, try Mindfulness, exercise of any form, a creative hobby. You can make a memory box. fill it with photos, cards, anything that reminds you of your Father and bring the box out when you need to, make time to think about him each day but do try and carry our mundane jobs in the home to give you the first steps towards a routine.

Please do stay in touch and find comfort from our members who have all been through similar situations.

Take care

Chloe x

[Gambit62]

Aisha12 - you never know how the death of a loved one is going to affect you. I found the loss of my father extremely difficult as well for a very long time ... certainly took a lot more than a year to get back to any equilibrium.

This isn't directly related to bereavement, but just wondering if you have ever had your B12 levels checked/monitored - symptoms of B12 deficiency are far reaching and include frequent infections and finding life very stressful. It tends to develop very slowly (years or even decades) so the little symptoms go un-noticed, there isn't a good test for it and GPs tend not to understand it very well or be aware of just how much it can affect a person.

This is a link to the symptoms of B12 deficiency

pernicious-anaemia-society....

if things ring a bell then I would suggest looking at this forum

healthunlocked.com/pasoc