struggling with depression

[MotherOfBears]

I hope it’s ok to post here again. I’m still in a deep depressive low patch. Most days start with me crying for hours. I often have this desperate feeling of, how can I cope with this day after day? It feels impossible to bear it, torturous.

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer]

Good morning Motherofbears,

It’s completely okay to post here as much as you like . We are here for you . I’m so sorry you are going through this deep depressive low patch .

Have you spoken to Gp or psychiatrist to perhaps review your medication or even refer you for CBT. I found CBT really helpful and effective when I was going through the low period .

Another thing avoid isolating yourselves away from others; Sometimes when we are alone that’s when those negative emotions tend to gather inside.

Hope things brighten up for you and take care xxx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MotherOfBears

Good to hear from you. I’m sorry you are still in a low patch. Recovery is very up and down but if you have also been diagnosed bipolar, that is a daily challenge. Like you there are mothers of courage here who also have bipolar and I wonder if you are also in touch with the bipolar eCommunity at bipolar.org?

I had severe depression following postpartum psychosis and it was awful. Eventually the right medication and treatment was found which made a difference. I wonder as you are being supported by the perinatal team whether they think a review of your medication would help?

In some areas of the UK, APP offer cafe groups, either online or in person, where you can talk to other mums at different stages in their recovery, the link being app-network.org/peer-support/. Hopefully, if it works, this link will give you info with upcoming dates.

Please be kind to yourself as you have been and are going through so much. I appreciate that family life must be busy for you and your partner but try to find space in your days to rest if you can.

Please keep talking openly to your GP, perinatal team and family about how you really feel so they know how best to help. We are always here to listen if and when you feel like it. Sorry for rambling ... I know how hard it is to concentrate when you’re low.

Take each day a step at a time and take very good care of yourself. 💜

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Oops ... sorry MotherOfBears, the first link should be bipolaruk.org x

[Teresa_K_S Volunteer]

Hi MotherOfBears

Sorry to hear you are still struggling with low mood.

Do get in touch with your gp or consultant psychiatrist as a starting point. I had to have few med changes before I found one that worked best for me. You may not even need a med change but talking to the right medical person can help you feel reassured and they can give futher advice.

Having bipolar takes a long time to learn how to ride the waves, as I call them. Do you have family or a good friend that could help support you and spend time with you when you are feeling this way? It's hard to reach out when feeling so low but having some company does help, I find.

I hope you are feeling better soon. January weather certainly doesn't help so any dry days maybe get out for a stroll if you can or meet up with a friend etc. All easier said than done, I know, but the massive effort is sometimes worth what it gives back to us by the way of a boost to our mental health

Wishing you well

Teresa x

[Borderlinemummy]

Dear MotherOfBears,

I am sensing you hugs from access the pond. Hang in there mama 🤗

[Control1234]

Hi MotherOfBears,

That sounds really really hard. I know after my psychosis i have struggled with depression to the point where I didn’t want to be here anymore - I felt Like I had lost my identity and didn’t know who I was or how to deal with that. What I found helpful was therapy, meds, finding joy in the small things, every day waking up and before bed saying three things I am grateful for. Praying, meditation, getting out in nature and the morning sun. Reading. Having baths. Exercise. Joining a choir. Acts of kindness. All this stuff I didn’t want to put myself out there to do but having done it I have feel like I have been chipping away at the darkness and light is coming back into my life, it has been slow I won’t lie but am starting to feel I am rebuilding myself into someone better than I ever was before pyschosis .I know it is so hard though when all you want to do is stay in bed under the duvet. I believe in you, you can do this, you are so strong for what you have been through. Believe in yourself. Sending you so much love, peace and healing x

[MotherOfBears in reply to Control1234]

thank you, I need to hear these stories of recovery at the moment

[Control1234 in reply to MotherOfBears]

if you ever want to chat please just reach out. X

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello MotherOfBears

There are APP resources which might be helpful. One of which is “PP Soup” described as a nourishing mix of all things Postpartum Psychosis at ppsoupdotcom.wordpress.com/. Put together by a lovely mum who suffered this traumatic illness with input from other mums and professionals.

Just a cautionary note that there is a Radio4 broadcast there “Unravelling Eve” which might be hard to listen to if you are feeling vulnerable. Perhaps you might be able to listen with company for support when you feel ready?

Take care.

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

hi MotherOfBears - there is so much lovely advice already, I hope it’s helping you feel a little less alone with this awful illness. My husband described the depression straight afterwards as worse than the psychosis itself! I don’t really remember too much tbh (it’s amazing how the brain can forget things) but it was a really dark time.

Like others have suggested, getting out of the house is probably a good idea - even if you just take the baby for some errands, or go sit in a local cafe or library somewhere. Is there anywhere like that you could go? Try and find some tasks that can distract you, and help lift your mood at the same time - whatever makes you feel good / like you’ve achieved something. But manageable! Eg writing a thank you note for a new baby gift and popping it in the post. Something like that.

If it helps to soothe you please do take a look at some compassion-focused resources - learning about self compassion has been transformative for me. There are lots out there but Dr Kristen Neff is probably the place to start: self-compassion.org/categor...

Hope this is helpful. Take good care of yourself,

Kat x

[MotherOfBears]

My community team have recommended that I am readmited to an MBU. Unfortunately my local one is closed for refurb, so it would mean going an hour or two away. They think that will be the safest place for me to change my medication, and find something that works for me.

I am partly hopeful that something might change. But also will desperately miss my eldest, my partner and being at home.

Also, there isn’t a bed available quite yet and I feel stuck in a sort of limbo

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hello MotherOfBears

I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much recently, I hope it's been helpful hearing from others who have been where you are - do write any time, it's always ok.

It's really good to hear that you have the option of being readmitted to an MBU to help you through this time but I'm sorry to hear it would mean travelling some distance. It's very understandable to have such mixed emotions about it, especially with an older child to consider. I'm sure others will reply who have been in a similar position but the hope would be that being in an MBU would mean a quicker recovery in a safe environment with that specialist care and support around you 💜

I hope you hear soon as to whether there is a bed available. If you have any questions we can help with, or any experiences it would be helpful to hear, please do just ask.

Sending you very best wishes, I hope you're not in limbo for long.

Jenny x

[Teresa_K_S Volunteer]

Hi MotherOfBears

Thank you that you have taken a moment to update.

I'm glad that although you are waiting for an MBU place that at least you can be reassured a care plan is in place.

I too had to be readmitted 6 months after my psychosis and also had meds changed. I remember a mix of feelings on being told it would be best to go back to hospital.

I was sad to know I would be separated once again from my husband and baby (no MBU for me). I felt I had failed on getting better too. I did feel some sense of relief though at going back, as I knew they could get me well again. It wasn't like the first time being terrified of everything. Second time was much easier.

Also my second admission was shorter than the first as I wasn't as poorly the second time around.

I hope logistics for visiting can be worked out so you can spend some time with family. Looking back I wished my husband had taken compassionate leave from work to make things easier for him to visit.

Trust those who can help you through the medication change and I'm sure you will be back home soon and feeling much better

Best Wishes

Teresa x

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Dearest MotherofBears,

wishing you love and kindness throughout your recovery. Such great advice from all the forum members. I feel that this is a step forward, where health professionals will be listening to your needs, once you have been allocated an MBU bed.

Take good care.