Hi all, nice to meet everyone!I had post natal psychosis in May 2022 and was admitted to hospital for a few months. I later had another psychotic episode in March 2023 and was readmitted to hospital, again for about 3 months. I have remained off work since my discharge and have remained with a mental health team having had lots of therapy and medications. My daughter is doing amazingly and will be finally starting nursery in September.
One thing that I'm finding increasingly difficult is letting go of anger however. It will bubble up and overwhelm me at times and it is really negatively impacting my husband. I will become angry, isolated and just completely negative, just letting everything upset and annoy me until I am just a ball of hate.
I'm just wondering if anyone else had any fall out like this after being unwell? And/or if anyone has any advice for dealing with anger? It's becoming a real problem.
Thank you for reading.
Lucy x
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Kirkjufell
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Hi Kirkjufell, so nice to meet you virtually, I am very sorry that you experienced pp in 2022 and had to be admitted to hospital twice. It is an scarring experience and it does change us.
I resonate with your post as I experience rage in moments of stress and it is difficult to manage. Techniques like breathing or counting to 10 didn't help me. What I found the most helpful was to warn everyone when I am starting to feel like I am loosing the plot, the children and my husband have learned to back off at those moments and I am able to return to a more balanced state. But it is difficult to recognise when the rage is starting to build up, specially when it is simmering for most of the day. Tiredness also contributes to me feeling angry and I wonder if perhaps you are taking on too much. Try and have a calm discussion with your husband and see if there are things he can take off your plate, perhaps.
Therapy has also helped me in the past to reframe negative thoughts, you could discuss with your GP if you could have access to the adult talking therapy service in your area, or if you are under an specialist team they may offer it too.
Take very good care, you are not alone in this and the stresses of family life are not trivial - you are doing an excellent job,
Thank you Maria. Good to know it's not just me 🙂I've started putting myself together a sort of tool box for when I'm bubbling up that will hopefully help bring me down. My husband is really supportive, he takes on alot. I need to talk to him more though and be honest about what pushes me over the edge.
I'm just about to be transferred mental health teams so I'll aim to talk to them about any steps that they think can help.
Hi Kirkjufell, glad your husband is so supportive and takes on a lot. It is a good idea to have that toolbox for when the situation needs it. All in incremental steps. You are doing so well, take good care,
hello kirkjufell, our timelines are very similar and I am so sorry you have had this experience. I can definitely relate to the anger you speak of, you are not alone. Reading and long baths help me to reduce the intensity and Pinterest haha for hope and escapism I know small things but sometimes it’s the small shifts that can edge out of the big feelings. I am due to begin some compassion focused therapy soon which I hope to be helpful. I hope over time the overwhelm subsides, take care x
Hiya 🙂 thank you for your reply.Compassion focused therapy is so good. You've reminded me to dig out some of the work I did as it would really help me I think!
I keep thinking I don't have the brain space to read, but I really enjoy it and it might help with a bit of escapism.
Hi Lucy, so sorry to hear you’ve had to go through PP twice! Great your daughter’s doing so well.
I had postpartum psychosis in April 2021.
I’ve had a lot of anger/irritability since then. My psychiatrist at the time thought it might be PMDD. Another psychologist said the anger was a form of depression. And depression often follows PP,
Hard to know whether the postpartum psychosis brought it on, or whether it was a change in hormones after becoming a parent.
For me.. my anger/irritability subsided when I started taking anti depressants & the birth control pill.
Hiya 🙂 that's interesting about the depression.Added into my situation is that I've got a pituitary tumor too so my hormones are all over the place which I'm sure doesn't help! I wonder whether a change in my birth control pill could help actually.
I have several thoughts after reading your post. First, I see again and again that for some of us, having an episode of PP is often not the end of it. I was never psychotic before my child was born, but afterward I struggled for years to get back to a normal life, fielding many episodes in the hospital during that time. My initial episode was over 20 years ago. I was, eventually, able to make a full recovery and create a new life - never exactly the same. It breaks my heart to see other women experiencing the same thing. You aren't alone.
Second, whenever I have really strong emotions that feel unreasonable, it's usually the result of medication issues, hormonal issues, or something I have no control over. If you feel that much anger toward your husband over nothing major, I think this is a sign to you that something else is wrong. Yes, everyone gets annoyed over little things in a marriage, but feeling like you're reduced to nothing but "a ball of hate" isn't normal, especially if this isn't what you were like before. You mentioned to another poster that you have a pituitary tumor. Honestly I would strongly suspect that might be your issue right there. Hormones can make you into a person you're not. If I were you, I think a visit to your doctor is in order and be sure to describe this hormonal hell to them vividly. Also, for the sake of your marriage, tell your husband what you think is happening. If he thinks that you just hate him because of who he is or something he's doing, that can cause him problems and problems to your marriage that don't have to happen. Let him in on it, allow him to understand that this may be completely beyond your control. If he loves you, he will want to help or at least he will understand why you might just need him to stay out of the way for a little while.
Third, I think talking to a counselor is a good idea just so you can vent some of this, and if your counselor is worth anything, they may be able to help you understand which of your feelings are reasonable and normal, which ones may be overblown possibly because of hormones, and help you figure out how to go about taking care of it. Sometimes just having a plan is incredibly helpful. There are many good books out there about anger, too. You might visit your public library and pick up a couple. They usually have strategies for dealing with those thoughts and ways to help yourself without hurting everyone in your life in the meantime.
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