My current struggle, anxiety

[Survivedwithcolor]

This isn’t strictly related to PP but in my lifelong saga with depression, anxiety, PD, and PP, I do still live with anxiety. It’s been bad lately.

I’m also a 13 year breast cancer survivor and after mastectomy in 2010 I made the mistake of getting reconstruction with a breast implant. I won’t go into all the agonizing details but can pretty much sum it up by what followed: one breast, two ruptured implants, a cancer recurrence, radiation, and seven surgeries. This past January 9th I got the thing removed. Two weeks later I was rushed to the hospital with a severe infection, and had to spend a week inpatient where I nearly went septic and could’ve died. That was January 24. The wound still hasn’t healed. Because I had radiation, the tissue is having trouble regenerating. Two nights ago I woke up at 3am to discover my pajama shirt soaked, plus all the bandages and the bedsheets. The incision opened up and is now draining fluid and there’s an open hole in my chest. I am doing my darndest to cope but my anxiety has been awful. I keep panicking thinking this is it, I’m on my way back to the hospital, I’m going to die. I’m taking a lot of anti-anxiety meds to try to get through it. My psychiatrist suggested I switch antidepressants to fluoxetine (Prozac), but I have been taking Bupropion for 20 years and I’m more terrified of having a bad reaction or withdrawal than I am of the anxiety. Last thing I need right now is a psychiatric emergency on top of this open wound. I can’t afford to be put inpatient for mental health to sort out the meds, while I’ve got an open wound and need ready access to my doctor and hospital.

So I am a bit of a mess.

Please send your positive thoughts and prayers that my body can heal and my mind can hold on through this until I get to the point that things are better. Thanks 😊

[x_Amy Volunteer]

Hi Survivedwithcolor,

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. How you’re feeling is so understandable, and health anxiety can be so debilitating. Personally, I have experienced medical PTSD and I completely empathise with the feelings of panic, especially after everything else you have been through.

It’s totally understandable to be scared of negative side effects to medication changes/withdrawal symptoms, especially when you are going through such a difficult time with your physical health. It’s a small suggestion but I wonder if some self-help anxiety/CBT worksheets or journalling would be helpful to you at all? We don’t have full access to the websites you have in your country, but there will be free templates available online if you search on Google. I hope you manage to get some rest and take time for self care in the mean time.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers. You are so incredibly strong and you will get through this! 💐

Best wishes,

Amy xx

[Survivedwithcolor in reply to x_Amy]

That’s a good idea with the anxiety worksheets. I have an itty bitty calendar I’ve been keeping a log of symptoms and it might help to expand it. I’ll look for those things, thank you for the idea.

[NMG1991]

You've helped me so much on this forum and I can just tell what a lovely person you are. I'm genuinely so sorry to hear of everything you've gone through and all you're still going through. Sending you a big hug and lots of healing prayers x

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Survivedwithcolor,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I do hope you’ve got good support at home and are managing to get some rest, it’s a lot to be dealing with.

Know you can write here any time, I hope just sharing your thoughts helps a little.

Sending positive thoughts and good wishes your way.

Best wishes,

Jenny x

[MotherOfBears]

Sorry you have so so much to deal with at the moment. I have no wisdom but am sending virtual hug

xxxxx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Oh goodness Survivedwithcolour, you're dealing with so much, and have been through so much. It's understandable you're struggling with anxiety.

I'm glad you've found us, I hope it's helpful just to write things out here.

Thinking of you and hoping you will experience healing with your health problems. Do know you can write here anytime

Ellie

[JosephineFay]

I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Ì hope that you have someone really caring to talk all this out with. Can I recommend Dr Jessica Robinson, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, GP and homeopath as someone to contact and talk to. She's on Google. I know that talking and lots of it has helped me when im struggling.

Keep posting and know that you're being heard.

Jo