If you read until the end then I thank you. My wife has had PP since the birth of our beautiful baby boy 18 months ago. I have read blogs on this site throughout this time but never commented before. My wife having never been religious previously has had torment from what she believes to be the devil. She has 'messed' about with not taking medication in the past (after 6/7 months of taking it) and now after another traumatic attack has started again in the last few months. We have support from the Dr, Psychologist and an OT who regularly visits.
In this time she has been going to church and has been resentful of being told that she has a psychosis. It has perhaps evolved a little by her accepting the psychosis but she is adamant that this is still the work of the devil. She has experienced presences, smells and fully believed that demons were inside her, although they have now left her body. She still gets horrendous thoughts of how she is going to get stomach cancer and various others. She realises that these thoughts are false, but still maintains that it is the devil that is responsible.
I have no problem with faith and indeed if it has kept her strong then clearly this is a good thing. She continues to study the bible and has perhaps gone to the more extreme ends of Christianity at times, apocalyptic, being saved...and she has been studying with people who are quite happy to reinforce her beliefs. Although she is doing her medication and therapy alongside this now, I just think that it is deepening her PP. There is no talking to her about this though and she knows how I feel.
I have been (I think) a very supportive husband but I'm certainly disheartened and I have read posts at times along the lines of "I went through this for 6 weeks..." and then thinking to myself...We're 18 months down the line and its still in the balance! I know that there is no time limit and that my wife secretly never took her medication for months, but I honestly thought that the end would be closer than it seems at the moment. It is our first child and it has been all new to us on top of this and I have issues with some aspects of the healthcare particularly in the early stages (although it will probably be years before I can fully reflect on this)
I think that I'm now writing this first blog because tonight (my wife is at work) she text me once again talking of hell and that you can only be saved through repenting in Jesus, she just wants me to believe her....
As I say, I have no issues with faith and beliefs and I am certainly not critical of what people believe. Indeed, my mum has dedicated 50 years of her life to Christianity. I just do not want my wife to go down this road and be persecuted by the false thoughts that she is having. I want my post to be honest though, and after a religious upbringing (and as much as I will always support my mum) it is not something that I want in my life. Will it fizzle out? Can anyone relate to this?
I should say that all other aspects of our life is fine (should even be joy) and my boy is so well looked after and we have masses of family support and no shortage of a babysitter so we can get out for a meal! At a time in our life that we have all there to embrace, heartbreakingly, its just not quite there yet. I hope one day that it will.
Thanks
jt
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jt2012
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I'm sorry to hear that your wife's PP journey seems never ending and that she is consumed by 'false thoughts' at the moment. At the moment she is not in control of her thoughts so they will not make sense. The main thing is that you continue to listen and support her as you have done for the past 18 months.
I wonder if you read the blog 'Delusions of Grandeur and Religious Experiences' ? If so you will have seen that many of us had delusions along our journey, very real at the time and worrying for our families In time all will be well and you will be able to embrace the life that, as you say, is not quite there yet.
I'm sure you will receive many comments here with helpful advice and support.
It certainly sounds like you are both going through it at the moment.
My wife had very strong religious beliefs and at one point started to attend church, although it only lasted a very short time in comparison to your journey. She went to church with my father but when they both came back, I remember my dad saying how intense it had got, with my wife in tears almost inconsolable and at the end a number of people trying to give support (inc. spiritual), and I found it seemed to strengthen her beliefs at that time, unfortunately they didn't know what my wife was going through; it took what seemed like ages to talk that through with my wife. My father chatted to a few of the people he knew at the church as well and brought them up to speed on the fragility of the situation, it helped a little and gave some awareness amongst them, plus it kept me out of the loop.
Is it the same church as your mum attends? if she does, I wonder whether it would help her talking to them?
With the support around, are you able to get time for yourself in amongst all this?
I found it an incredibly frustrating and tiring time and I can only imagine how tough that is across 18 months.
Hi, sorry to hear of yours and your wife's plight. I know, having had it, that when you are experiencing psychosis you are extremely vulnerable to different ideas and suggestions. My delusions were not centred around religious experiences, but around death- I thought I was between heaven and hell, that my son had died in a cot death, that my husband had died in a cot death. But i believe mine came from an anxiety about the possibility of losing my son, having had miscarriages prior to having him. I did not then believe in God (still fairly agnostic) so that did not provide any relief to believe in a heaven. And as my mental health unravelled, fear of death was the main theme of my psychosis.
This might be a terrible idea but would it be worth sharing more of your wife's mental health issue with those who are encouraging her religious ideas. Clearly she is hugely vulnerable and by reinforcing some of her deluded ideas, they could be fuelling it further. I get though you don't want to upset your wife. But i think it's not right if they are adding fuel to the fire, as it were.
It's just a suggestion.
Wish you all the best. You sound like you are extremely patient and sympathetic. I was only ill for about 3-4 months, but my husband and mum- don't blame them- often got very cross and impatient with me, because it's hard to cope with. So well done for being so supportive to your wife. She will get better, but maybe they need to try a different drug perhaps?
Hi phew your situation sounds really difficult. And it sounds like you're doing an amazing job supporting your wife.
To be honest I feel quite a bit of anger towards the church etc that seem to fuelling your wife's beliefs when she is so vulnerable. I think I feel angry because I am religious myself, and practice, and some of my psychosis was around heaven/hell/God etc. And I know how helpful and supportive my faith has been for me. I believe in a loving 'God' who can bring the most amazing grace/beauty/healing out of any awful situation. Focusing on that - the unconditionally loving and accepting God - rather than this idea of the 'devil' / hell etc is what heals people - and a church that seems so focused on the latter...well anyway I guess I shouldn't judge.
As others said, I wonder if talking to people at the Church may help, explaining the situation.
I also wonder if she has ever looked at this site maybe that would help her? Or perhaps you could request some peer support for yourself / her from the APP team? Maybe a member of the team who is religious, went through PP and could offer her some support? Though I imagine it is hard as you wrote that she is only beginning to accept that she had PP so perhaps she wouldn't accept this support.
A friend of mine recommended a book to me a couple of months ago called 'the Shack'. The beginning is disturbing, about a man who's child is abducted and murdered but then the book is really about his encounter with God after this happened, about a loving God, and healing even in the most difficult, awful circumstances. Maybe you could recommend this book to your wife, perhaps it could be another influence on her? its just a thought. I found it really helpful and moving, and it did help me in terms of everything I had been through.
Anyway I really hope things continue to get better.
I'm sorry that you & your wife are having such a difficult time at the moment, it must be extremely tough being so prolonged. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job supporting her & being patient - well done! I'd just like to reassure you that she really will get better (I know you've probably heard it so many times & it's hard to believe when you're going through it, but it's true).
For me PP seemed to heighten everything really, sights, sounds etc. including a spiritual & emotional side. I consider myself lucky as when I was ill I wasn't religious & didn't have any of these issues, but I can see how certain thoughts & beliefs could easily be amplified & distorted. I think the others have given some excellent advice above & I'd be very wary about your wife having 'too much input'. For me when my mind was battling between what was real & what wasn't, I just needed cold hard facts & realities (& nothing that could muddy the waters). It's difficult though as I know some people gained comfort from their faith too. I do think it's very important for you to carry on making make sure she takes her medication regularly though, so it doesn't delay her recovery at all. I also think that as she gets better her religious beliefs will probably ease off into a more realistic & acceptable level.
Have you read this interesting thread, you might find it helpful: 'Blue Skies are Coming, Reflecting on Faith & PP' app-network.healthunlocked....
It sounds like you're doing a great job supporting & I hope you see improvement soon. Hang in there!
Thank you for all of your comments and suggestions, I really appreciate them and they have given me hope (in amongst drying away the tears;). It is so refreshing/uplifting that you can take the time to read & reply. Thank you.
So sorry for all you and your wife are going through. Just remember this an illness and things will get better with proper care and treatment. You and your wife are not alone nor are either of you to blame. Postpartum psychosis often comes out spiritually. If you are interested in reading my blog on the topic. Here is the link: jennifermoyer.com/2013/the-...
Just hang in there. Recovery is a process and is different for everyone. I would encourage you and your wife to get support from others that have had similar situation. This forum is great but if you want to speak to an expert directly, the next Postpartum Support International's Dad Chat with an expert is June 3rd. You will have to figure out time difference but here is the link, if you are interested: postpartum.net/Get-Help/PSI...
So sorry to hear your wife is taking so long to recover from the very common religious aspect of PP. Like Jennifer, I wonder if directing your wife to this site could help in some ways. You say she is now accepting she has had PP, do you think she'd be interested in sharing her experience here? If you told her you found people who went through the same thing as her?
I'm an agnostic but at the height of my psychosis, I thought I had angered God, I would hold a bible and a Virgin Mary, convinced the devil was inside me and trying to escape through my spine. Having PP had drastic consequences on my life (I lost custody of my daughter for instance) and for months after the psychotic phase, I had persisting thoughts about how I'd somehow been punished by God for my past. It was only a few months ago that I stopped having these thoughts (and I had PP in 2011).
You're being really supportive and patient, I'm sure it will all work out in the end.
Kudos jt2012, Yours and your wife's situation sounds so similar to what my ex-husband and mine were going through after the birth of our two children, 1972 & 1977, but with second PPP it was a bit different re: time-line. I began getting depressed around six months out; over the pending visit back state-side from Germany with new baby and five year-old boy and husband. I knew that our visit with my parents would ultimately end up with me feeling I needed to wean my daughter to a cup way sooner than I had wanted. (My dad blamed the first PPP episode on my having nursed my son; stupid, but true.) I had religious pre-occupations during both experiences that were similar to your wife's. I had no name to call what I went through until 1986, and since then have done independent research to enable me to write on every aspect on becoming "Mother". After much psycho-therapy, journaling, being on lots of different meds, I know that my PPP was caused from having been sexually abused on many occasions, but especially as a seven year old.
What your wife believes is hers to believe and yours to hold as being her truths; at least until such time as she grows in the wisdom to know differently. When all else is out-of-whack, her believing in some higher power gives her a sense of security. It is this security and acceptance she is searching for, The abuse and trauma I endured at such a young age was not my fault, but I took them on as mine. Unknowningly, the transferred guilt and shame gave me lots of inner conflict.
Showing compassion for the mind-body-spirit aspect will display support, love and committment to her during what will eventually be a learning curve in life. It is not an easy task to keep adding another day onto the already 18 months, but trust that it will have been well worth the daily grind - once over. There is also the chance that her Thyroid is unbalanced and/or Pituitary Gland; blood tests could prove either of these. Demand tests be done to rule out a biological problem.
All my best to you and your wife and little boy, D.A. Gray
I just wanted to say thank you for all your posts 8years ago to my husband. It is 9 years on, and my symptoms have returned after an amazing year last year feeling happy, got a job and working for a charity. This is a difficult journey, God is love and has shown his love but the medication is vital too. I tried to ween down from meds and symptoms crept back in. It is important that you have great support from your CPN, GP and stay on the medication and ween down slowly. There no time scale on this illness but love and support from friends and family are vital. During this lockdown it has been the hardest for many people. My thoughts are with everyone. I am Nicola and anyone who would like to message me, I would appreciate the support too. I am open to questions and about my journey. x
Lovely to hear from you after so many years when your husband reached out to the forum. I am so sorry that after an amazing year your symptoms have crept back in. As you say, it is important to have great support from a care team.
It has been hard during lockdown to have face to face consultations. Do you think it would be a good idea to speak to your GP about your symptoms so that you can have the support you need?
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
With best wishes to you and your family. Stay safe.
Thank you so much for your comments. I just wanted to say that my CPN and GP are well aware of what is going on with my treatment. Thank you for your comments. Nicola x
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