antipsychotic withdrawal

[Isabella5991]

Hello, sorry, me again.

I have recently been taken off aripiprazole due it causing obsessive suicidal thoughts, all day every day. Coming down helped and then off helped a lot, the thoughts were way less. I am still on sertraline. A week later I feel very depressed, I have been low and trying not to fall into depression for the past year because London is slowly destroying me. I’m desperate to move to the countryside but we have to wait for various reasons such as interest rates and partners work. I broke down yesterday and my partner thinks I’m emotionally blackmailing him. That made me feel sick. I am a bit depressed because this city is destroying my brain and there’s absolutely nothing here for me, I’m not blackmailing him ffs, I just feel shit. I’ve been holding on and trying to keep my self afloat but it’s got to breaking point. He said if you’re gonna kill your self then we’re going to have to speed up the move, even if that means loosing loads of money because the markets shit.

I will most likely have mental health issues for the rest of my life, but I know right now my symptoms are massively situational. (I know there’s worse going on in the world, but it’s been slowly chipping away at my sanity)

I find it hard to leave the house on my own, only to drop kids off and maybe the shops once a week but that’s about it. Come the weekend im ready to get out with my family because I can do anything with them. I know it’s not very healthy, but I’ve been like this most of my life. I need to start working to save up for a support dog (and contribute to the family financially) to help me get out, but the thought of working makes me suicidal as I have suspected pda autism. I’ve been looking for part time remote work but it takes time. I’m studying counselling because I’d love to be an online support worker or home practise counsellor. The worlds not built very well for people like us.

psychiatrist has referred me for more therapy but that will take time.

Anyway, how has everyone else managed coming off antipsychotics? The meds were making me mentally ill, but my last med risperidone was amazing at stabilising me but affected my physical health. Maybe I should try quietapine. Any recommendations? Xx

[Chesterjackson]

Hi, I have struggled alot like you. I went on aripirazole and unfortunately I had an episode while taking it. I am now back on olanzapine since having an episode in February. I'm on 5mg and things have settled down. I think I will have to take this for the rest of my life. Not happy about it as I usually put on weight, but that is the lesser of two evils. Look after yourself.

[Survivedwithcolor in reply to Chesterjackson]

It’s interesting to hear you say you might have to be on antipsychotics for the rest of your life. I thought the same and I struggled for many years. I took those meds for 20 years. The side effects and weight gain really wrecked my life. Recently I’ve been able to start changing that and I was finally able to get off the meds.

Everyone has a unique situation and you have to work with your doctors and monitor yourself. I just want to put the idea in your head that if you truly had PP, you may not need the antipsychotics your entire life. The weight gain will eventually affect your health in really negative ways. My knees and feet are severely arthritic now, along with my back, and I was nearly diabetic. I have early stages of heart disease and permanent tremors. I’m 57. I’m putting in a whole lot of work now to lose 100 pounds and try to get healthy again. I was never overweight before I started antipsychotics.

I’m not saying go off your medication. For a long time, probably ten years, I was unstable and they were beneficial for me. They allowed me to live a normal life without psychosis and being severely suicidal. However I think there came a point that I began to stabilize and could’ve quit taking them. My doctors told me not to. It wasn’t until this year that I finally made a really serious effort to do it and then realized I had no psychosis, no instability, no mood problems without it. Just keep that in mind; that point may come for you in the future. For me it was around menopause. Best wishes to you.

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Isabella5991, I am so sorry to read how your mental health is being affected by living in London and how you long for a different pace of life. The decisions around well being are difficult to make and can spark many a debate. You have been very honest and upfront with your partner and perhaps his comment was a spur of the moment caused by the stress and pressures of life. Maybe revisit the conversation when you are both feeling calmer and a decision can be made easier.

Recently my husband and I talked about a change so he could work from home and that on itself will be a massive help to me. It is a compromise for us, but one that we are happy to make if it means better quality of life. Their work have been understanding, so perhaps that can be something for your partner to raise?

I am afraid I don't have experience taking other antipsychotic medication but olanzapine, but I am sure others will be happy to share if they have had different experiences.

Take very good care, we are here to listen if you need to at any time.

Maria

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer]

Dear Isabella5991,

I am so very sorry that you are feeling so low. I did not suffer Postpartum Psychosis, my daughter did, she is well now. I am sorry I do not have medication knowledge or magic answers but if I may, I would like to say, Hold on you can become well again too, This too shall pass. I was very moved that you wrote ‘this world isn’t built for people like us.’ The world, like a wheel, needs all its cogs and is made for all of us. Sometimes we feel the agencies or others let us down but just because you are struggling at the moment doesn’t mean you are failing. I know the world is in a sad, distressing state, perhaps you could limit your news intake at the moment.

One day you will move, your health will improve and think of all that experience and what you will have learned from your suffering. What an amazing example you are for your children, that you keep going and that despite your difficulties, you are looking for work, trying to study at the same time as being a mother and wife. Sometimes I think we look around thinking that everyone else is a Wonder Woman but please don’t underestimate yourself, everyone is different with differing capabilities and at different times. Often PP brave mums come out of their experience of mental health feeling a different sometimes stronger person.

I am sorry know all where you are up to, you say your psychiatrist, I wonder if CBT might be helpful. If you think you may have aspects of autism, why not contact the Autistic Society for reassurance. Also have you and your husband thought of Marriage Guidance and perhaps make a time plan for your move. All this I know is easier said than done when you are at a low ebb, so start small and grow. Hoping things improve for you soon. Keep writing here the Mums with personal experience are generous and empathetic in their replies.

With warm best wishes

Judithx

[resilient_mama1982 Volunteer]

Hello sorry I know this was written several days ago but I wanted to reply to you. Coming off anti psychotic drugs is a really hard process. I have been where you are at and want to give you hope it does get better. I had the same thing happen to me with abilify and respiradone. Coming off them was horrible. I wasn't able to do much at all. Flash forward 2023 I am on lithium and serequol and am able to function so much better. Although it has taken me quite a while to get to this point I am in a much better headspace. I hope sharing this gives you hope that things will get better. Lithium is renowned for its ability to help alleviate suicidal thoughts. Also I am sorry you and your husband are at war with each other. When we are struggling mentally it takes a toll on our loved ones at times. But the mere fact he is willing to move to the country is a clear sign he loves you. We moved to the country side 8 years ago and it was the best thing for our family. However I still have to manage my mental health. We are lucky as the mental health team here are fantastic in comparison to the city. Hopefully you will find your place to call home soon enough. Take great care of yourself 💗

[Isabella5991 in reply to resilient_mama1982]

Hello thank you! I’m so pleased to hear you have found the right meds! Xx

Honestly my partner is the most amazing husband I could ever imagine. Very rarely we have a dispute, he always puts me and the kids first and does so much for us. I probably wrote it here cos it was out of the ordinary! He is very accommodating and yes he is willing to move xx

I hope I find the right combo soon! It’s positive to hear your story xx and amazing you live in country side! Yes I’m sure I will still have to manage my mental health (for life) but I know having more peace and countryside and animals will help massively xx

[resilient_mama1982 Volunteer]

I am so glad you have a supportive husband it makes a world of difference having support. I could never move back to the city now. It is a much quieter way off life. I hope you find the right combination of meds for you. It's not an easy journey to be on but there will be a time in the future when you have many more good days than challenging ones. Take care and be good to yourself 🥰