So following my overdose I tried to leave intensive care, got about 3 miles away from the hospital when the police found me and dragged me back under a section 136.
I spent 15 hours in the 136 suite before being placed on a section 2 and taken back to the psych ward.
They took me off all my medications except for my aripiprazole depot injection, and I have suffered the most horrendous venlafaxine withdrawals resulting in needing diazepam to try and make the withdrawals easier to deal with.
I am now on no medication except aripiprazole, and I was discharged a week after being admitted as I played the game and just stayed as ok as possible, no self harm, no attempts to kill myself etc etc.
I’m home now and I’ve been manic for a few days, resulting in spending £40,000 on a new car (pic attached!) & hundreds of pounds on having my hair done, buying new clothes, well we’re talking approx £2000 in total. I haven’t slept for a week and I’ve been keeping a mood diary.
I’m possibly tipping over into psychosis again. I don’t feel like I am. But my care coordinator does. She’s got me in to see the psychiatrist on Monday but is concerned that I will get worse over the weekend. I’ve asked to withdraw from all mental health services as they pass on all information to children’s services and I feel like I have no privacy, so if they don’t know what’s going on with me they can’t pass anything over. I feel that my basic human right under article 8 of the European human rights convention which is a right to a private life is being breached.
As for court, well, I’m not really allowed to say much as they imposed a gagging order on me prevtenting me from publishing any details about my children, the court case, my ex husband or social services. But the basic result was that I have lost my children for the next 2 years and I can’t make an application to the courts for a contact order for 2 years. I’m also not allowed to go to the school or childminders or anywhere that my ex husband leaves my children, including my dads house.
My ex husband did not get a non molestation order though as he wanted.
Could things get any worse? I’ve lost my kids for the next 2 years, I’m not allowed to call or FaceTime them, and I’m living on my own, in a house I can’t afford, going through a horrendously messy divorce and facing homelessness and a brand new car I can’t afford. My dog has effectively been stolen, as my ex husband won’t give him back, and I don’t have a job or anything to do during the days.
Because im manic, I’m in an artificial state of euphoria meaning that right now none of this shit is bothering me. I feel like I can fly and that I can see into the future. I have a job interview on 18th July and I just hope I get it.
I also found out through the divorce paperwork that my mum has been PAYING my ex husband to have the children... £1200 per weekend. So my ex husband is effectively renting out my children to my abusive alcoholic mother and stepfather. I am disgusted. This makes me feel physically sick.
I’m soon going to crash and become depressed and suicidal again.
Without meds I am completely unstable. But I’m not allowed back on them until I am no longer an overdose risk. I was on lithium (worked wonders), arirpiprazole, venlafaxine, mirtazapine & amitriptyline. Now I’m just on aripiprazole. I am High as a kite right now but I know it’s just a matter of time before things get worse.
If I am becoming psychotic again, then I imagine I will Be put back in hospital on Monday, if not before. That will be my 7th admission in 2 years.
Hope you are all ok, sending love to you all xx