Trigger warning suicidal thoughts due to medication, I think.
Hello, I have a very long list of mental health problems including pme and being on bipolar spectrum. I have recently had to change to aripiprazole from risperidone because Ris was affecting my health.
Aripiprazole has been a whirlwind of side effects but has been balancing out recently. However for the past week or so around my cycle I have been having a lot of obsessively suicidal thoughts and some depression and dissociation which is not nice. The latter two is fairly common around my cycle or psychosis symptoms mania or ocd or anxiety etc. but the suicidal thoughts are quite new. I have been slowly feeling worse about being stuck living in London for the time being. We’re planning to move to the countryside to a smallholding and living in this busy city is making me depressed. Sorry if dramatic but I’m ND and it’s overwhelming. My dreams are to be elsewhere so perhaps this feeling of being unhappy where I am is getting much worse than I realise or it’s also the meds playing a big part. I know it can be a symptom. I have been on them about 6 weeks now. Has anyone else experienced similar? Thanks xx and don’t worry, I have no plans to harm self at all, it’s literally just these thoughts along with feeling low. I have many dreams and aspirations in life! Just struggling being here in the city for the time being.
I might come off aripiprazole slowly and just stay on sertraline but I know that’s a risk for mania for people like us… I’m just sick of it. Sick of no energy lazy sluggish. But I know how bad my mind is without being really medicated. But maybe it won’t be horrendous, my psychiatrist said there’s a chance I’d be ok without it, there’s a chance I could feel better even maybe
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Isabella5991
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Hi Isabella5991, this sounds like a lot and I am sorry that you are experiencing intrusive and suicidal thoughts. I also have a diagnosis of bipolar and any changes in routine trip me into an anxiety cycle, with ruminations and intrusive thoughts. I feel for you that are experiencing this now.
On two occasions when I have been taking only antidepressants I have flipped to mania, so I try to avoid that. It's important to follow the medication plan discussed and agreed to with the team, you are right bipolar is an spectrum, but your team knows your history and can better advise you.
I may suggest that it's a good idea to look for a moment of stability if you are planning to change medications. A move is a huge event so it is perhaps advisable not to rock the boat too much while that's going on.
I will be thinking of you, do keep communicating with your team and let us know how you are getting on
I’m sorry to hear you flipped into mania argh must have been horrible.. xx
It’s frustrating because I had pp over three and half years ago. I recovered and was doing so well. I still am tbh just with some wobbles. But when I stopped breastfeeding a year ago I developed PME each month. And wasn’t so balanced out. I went back to bf a tiny bit and that induced mania and dissociation, so I can’t win! No bf at all and haven’t over a year now. Just incredibly sensitive to hormones plus situation, triggers and my brain in general xx
Hormones play a big role, absolutely. It's very positive that you show great awareness of your moods and state of mind. I think with time we all realise what works and what doesn't for our own unique chemistry. Triggers are very difficult to manage, as sometimes they catch us unaware, it's not possible to be constantly policing ourselves. But grounding techniques come in handy then.Take good care, do keep us posted on how you are getting on, will be thinking of you
sometimes it can be a long road of recovery. I very much can resonate with your struggles on a bigger scale as I experienced a rough road in a psychiatric unit 2 weeks after my beautiful son was born. Additional trauma creates a blockage and it may take a while to get rid off, including stressors throughout healing time. In your case it is the location of your environment. I was mending, but then my dad passed followed by my mum in law.
I struggled with PTS, grief and undiagnosed Bipolar after 2010. However, I honestly can tell that you've got a thirst for life and that will keep you in survival mode. My suggestion now would be focusing on how to learn to manage i.e. healing and gradually implementing changes, but always reconsidering achievable goals. Therefore developing a toolkit for your own needs would be great and that could be discussed with those, who are trying to support you professionally and family and friends, the once you trust and want to talk to.
It gets better, I was incredibly poorly for a long time, but mostly fought on my own after PPP recovery. BP is a total different arena and yes, it is possible to live without meds. I am a living example as I use alternative therapy and plant medicine only. Yet, choices are there, and need to be researched and explained to individuals with BP. I was against mood stabiliser and lithium.
...and yes, I have had psychotic episodes and when low I was in a desperate state for many years, especially with suffering from Insomnia for nearly 8 years.
BP is a condition, when accepted, one learns to live with it and I learnt to ride the waves...A week before and after full moon my moods are changing again. There is a rhythm of low and highs, I do not fight it, I go with the flow.
Remember all in stepping stones, achievable goals according to your needs and not only when suicidal thoughts are kicking in always try and communicate in the way you wish to...
Bye for now, thinking of you...I am happy and content and you'll get there, too. xxx
Hello, thank you for your kind and interesting message.
Is it possible to send some information about the plant medicines you use please? I suppose if I could off antipsychotics then I could at least try plants incase it works for me somewhat!
I had pp over three and a half years ago. I recovered, but stopped breastfeeding a year later and my mental health went a bit wobbly when started having PME symptoms each month. I have had some triggers this week too which has definitely contributed. It always does xx
I can give you a link via private chat. I can not advice you on medicinal and medical issues as I am not a professional in that field.
My partner and I both take CBD and it has been a mutual decission. Yet, beside this choice I lead a very therapeutic life style such as daily meditation and Yoga, a Reiki life style , tons of exercising in allotment and garden or dog walking. In addition my environment is cushioned and not stressful. My son is now 13 yrs. old.
Just now I have detoxed from caffeine (probably will allow myself proper coffee on a Sunday only as this is lethal for people with mood disorders nor do I eat fast food. Tons of fruits and veg and no meat or fish.
Have a look at the link and details in private chat. xxx
Thank you so much for writing so openly and honestly - it can be such a pressure to be fully "recovered" after PP and as you say, can be very disappointing to be in a place of ongoing mood changes after PP. I hope it's reassuring to know that lots and lots of members of this community can empathise and, me included, have navigated mental health difficulties after PP.
Similarly to Pikoura, I've had a number of years of learning the ways to take good care of my mood, sleep and health to minimise the effects of the "ups and downs" I had PP in 2005 and 2011 and have been much better in the last 9 years.
In the first 3-4 years after PP I did struggle like you have recently with suicidal thoughts. It's so helpful that you can identify some of the stressors that may be contributing to this, alongside finding the meds with the least side-effects for you. I too had monthly mood difficulties around my period and suffered migraines - hormonal fluctuations do seem to play a big part for many of us.
I thought it might be helpful to let you know about a few organisations for support with the distress of suicidal thoughts.
The charity Calm (campaign against living miserably) has a text service and lots of advice on self-soothing.
Hi Isabella5991 I have been on aripiprazole for 6 years. I went off sick from work at around same time and again 4 years ago because I couldn't cope (but also found being off work almost just as stressful).
I had difficulties with restlessness/akathisia (especially arms but often legs too) and really wanted to stop aripiprazole especially when I became pregnant the first time 3 years ago, although i was better than I had been on risperidone beforehand. Risperidone had made me quite lethargic on top of the depression after my second hypomanic episode when I was first diagnosed with bipolar about 6 years ago. I had to change because I developed hyperprolactinaemia as well as lethargy. I had also tried quetiapine and lithium in the past.
Pdocs were hesitant for me to stop aripiprazole as I hadn't relapsed into hypomania and my mood was ok, although I struggled with the physical symptoms. I found swapping the dose to nighttime helpful and when the restlessness was worse in the evening thereafter, taking the tablet and going to bed would tend to fix it. I developed severe pregnancy related restless legs later in the nights in my third trimester (with my second pregnancy) which went away completely after my son was born thankfully. I now get a bit of mild restlessness in my arms occasionally.
I often have a jiggly leg, but that's something that may have been there before aripiprazole and it doesn't bother me as much as it's not really 'restless'.
I would say my mood has been generally better with aripiprazole (and sertraline); when I don't take the sertraline I think I notice my mood is low but not sure about aripiprazole. I haven't had anymore hypomanic episodes. I guess my meds are a success. I still have to try to manage my moods and certainly lack of sleep can still affect me quite a lot. Trying also to write this with an active baby/toddler, so I'm not sure if what I'm writing makes a lot of sense. Happy to be asked questions if that helps. I dont remember if I had other symptoms from aripiprazole when I first started taking it. I certainly had a couple of/ few years of feeling at a low, but I am glad I persevered with it.
Thanks for this! Wow we are so similar. I had to exact same experience with risperidone and why I had to change. I’m glad Ari has worked out well in the end, for the most part. I’m seeing my psychiatrist on the 8th so let’s see what they say, if I need to switch again xx
Hello I am probably late to reply but I just wanted to share my experience. As you are living with bipolar it is very common to have suicidal thoughts. I remember having them when recovering from PPP. I have also experienced them for the last few years. However I reached out and asked for help as these thoughts are a sign that bipolar is playing up. Yes medication changes can also make you feel worse as they aren't controlling the Bipolar symptoms. The medication that changed my life was Lithium as it is the gold standard drug to stop suicidal thoughts and it also can help reduce manic episodes. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Are you able to do things that you enjoy doing? Be so good to yourself as you are so important to your family. I hope you get the right medication changes and those suicidal thoughts become a thing of the past.
Thanks dear for your message. I am ok thanks, now it’s not my pme week I feel better, but still having the thoughts, just not as much. Have psychiatrist appointment on the 8th so can talk about everything then xx
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as this is lethal for people with mood disorders nor do I eat fast food. Tons of fruits and veg and no meat or fish. 
we are going through PPS
Feeling Worn Out and Alone
Back sliding and really scared
