I haven’t been on here in a while but I need a boost of some of the wonderful wonderful support that I always get here.
I had postnatal psychosis and a new diagnosis of bipolar last June 2022, and I haven’t been stable since then. My mood is now stuck in a pattern of n 10ish good days and then 10ish depressed days. I’ve been on lithium for a few months now, and it has helped but no where near enough, living a full, normal life just isn’t possible at the moment. We’ve just added in more Lamotragine. I must try not to put on too much pressure, but this weekend will be the real test of whether it has had any impact.
I’m just so tired and so frightened that I won’t ever get back to my life
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MotherOfBears
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I’m so glad you find it helps to write here 💜 We’re always here to listen and send some of that lovely support your way.
I’m sorry things are still sounding tough for you. I really hope the adjustment to your meds will lead to a tip in that balance of good and bad days, I’ll keep everything crossed for you that you see the impact you’re hoping for over the weekend.
How is your support feeling at the moment, will you be having regular reviews with the psychiatrist or do you have a while to wait now?
I hope you have some nice things planned for the weekend, go gentle on yourself and let us know how things are going. We’re here for you.
Thanks Jenny. Just trying to keep calm and not put too much pressure on myself this weekend. I find that I can quickly spiral if I feel my mood dipping, and catastrophise into “nothing is ever going to work I’ll be ill forever “
That sounds like a good plan. I tend to do the same, leap forward with the what ifs, but try to focus on the here and now and keep taking things a step at a time. Try to do something nice for yourself today ❤️
I had PP in 2017 after the first of my three children was born. I have bipolar type 2 (milder form but believe me bad enough).
so, you will get through this nasty blip and what’s more, one day you’ll be able to use this knowledge to help other people. Depression gives us compassion - everything can have a positive aspect to it if you want it to 😎
I take Olanzapine and Sertraline and these work well for me. I think that simply getting out of the house was uplifting for me, as was expressing myself, talking to friends and doing things for my children, if you can afford baby classes. I think you need to take solace in the fact that you will find a solution to your mood, it’s just a case of trying different things to see what helps and what doesn’t. Have you considered counselling? Can you ask your psychiatrist for some sessions with a psychologist or Psychiatric Nurse?
So, keep active: then you will gradually get a sense of satisfaction because you have done something every day. Be careful of not going manic though.
Sending love and hugs 🤗 you’ll get there! And we’re here for you.
it turns out I was most likely misdiagnosed with bipolar so while lithium was very helpful in the acute stage to come down off of mania/psychosis and stabilize my vitals, it was not an effective medication to keep me stable because it was treating symptoms I didn’t have. It was the same with the mood stabilizers (we tried lamotrigine as well and also Latuda). I experienced the most healing and progress in treatment when I got OFF my medications bc it allowed me to feel my emotions and work through the trauma and access my personality again. My therapist thinks a more likely diagnosis initially Postpartum Psychosis and then afterwards/ until now is PTSD. And my treatment for PTSD so far has been working. I feel confident that this is really what was at play. I’m working through Polyvagal Exercises For Safety and Connection by Deb Dana and it has made a huge breakthrough in my recovery. Wishing you the best. Feel free to reply. -Ainsley
Hi MotherOfBears, I am glad you have reached out here again for some support, that's what this forum exists for. It is particularly exhausting going through a period where you are trying out new medication and you may feel like constantly policing your thoughts. Its draining to say the least.
How has the weekend been so far? Have you been out and about or had a bit of quiet time, or a bit of both?
Its very positive you recognize some signs of improvement, it is not easy to feel the progress in a recovery journey when we are in a valley in between the mountains.
Take really good care, it is great hearing from you, sending you lots of love
I just had a little wobble - started crying for a few minutes- and tried not to let it get me into a spiral of “this means my mood hasn’t improved, which means the Lamotrigine isn’t working, and there’s a chance nothing will work”. It’s exhausting. But I think I managed to stop it, my partner reminded me it’s normal to get little fluctuations in our moods
Well done MotherOfBears - it sounds like you managed it well. Your partner's right, it's normal for our moods to fluctuate - remember that it will pass and maybe try to distract yourself with something this afternoon, I've been doing lots of colouring lately and getting out of the house usually helps to lift my mood, though it's pouring here today!
Take good care and keep writing here whenever it helps xx
enhancing self-care and self-love is so important. It is lovely to hear from you and knowing that you try to ask for help is very reassuring and indicates that you work on your MH.
Ups and downs are parcel of my existence. Having bipolar does not mean to hold a grudge, but finding ways to manage a life style, which covers your needs and subsequently gives you fulfilment and happiness.
Rough patches are an indicator to slow down or outweighing the situation and reduce stressors. This is the first time back on the forum as I had to home school my son, because of health and safety issues with main building. Learning to prioritise is quite a skill and luckily I have become much better in saying "NO".
Otherwise I can just reaffirm the importance of a healthy diet, enough sleep, exercise and keeping an active mind. As you probably remember I keep a routine with therapeutic skills I acquired by either attending courses or completing studies and continued with practice such as meditation and yoga.
Eventually you will understand your own BP cycle and the once who love you most will support and try to understand. It is not simple, because it is important to understand that it does not affect only us, but everybody around us. Yet, I have no guilt as I know it is not my fault. However, I sometimes get annoyed with myself and that is when one needs to incooperate those acquired tools.
I can recommend journalising and a to do list, reminding you what is important on the day. I find it easier to focus on short term goals and be in the momentum. Sometimes you have to speak up or take time out within your family environment. I often go for a walk, work in the garden or need to recover after 2 weeks of excessive 24/7 high...it gets easier...
Hi there, I wrote below about how I am trying to find some peace and acceptance that my mood will always have down patches, and to try and live as fully as I can in good days and lessen the impact of my depressed days. It sounds like you are in a similar position, that medication hasn’t been the solution for you? How did you find acceptance and how did you develop the skills to cope with life? I don’t get mania, just a cycling between good days and depressed days
having a bad day today, I’m fretting about whether I am actually seeing an improvement in my symptoms on this new medication. How much longer I have to go. Whether this new medication will actually work at all. A little good news is that I emailed the psychiatrist’s office to ask if I could increase my dose, expecting them to say not possible, have to wait for follow up appointment. But. It worked and I can increase the dose.
I’m sorry to hear you were having a bad day earlier, I hope things started to feel a bit better.
It must feel reassuring to know you can increase your dose if you feel you need to. Are you keeping track of your mood using an app or other tool at all? I know that can be quite helpful.
I hope you’re managing to do some nice things for yourself. Keep taking things a day at a time.
Just wondering how you are. Are you still persevering with the new medication as you have been allowed to increase if necessary?
I hope you will be able to book an appointment with the psychiatrist. I think being able to see you and having time to talk is far better than an email or phone call to plan your ongoing care. Although I appreciate how stretched the service is. Please don’t suffer in silence .... it’s not easy for you and you deserve all the professional help you need. Take care, we are all here to lean on 🌻
Thanks for the messages and the wonderful support that always get here. For the moment we need to wait six weeks to see if this new drug combo is working. It is my sixth combo so far, but fingers crossed. Sixth time lucky???
I’ve really been struggling recently with fear that I’ll never get better. To the point where I’m almost not sure how much it is that I am feeling low, and how much it is feeling this crippling fear. I’ve started work with a counsellor about it just last week, and I already have a different perspective on it. Slow going still, but trying to be hopeful rather than catastrophise (easier said than done 🙃)
Sorry to hear the struggles you’re having. It sounds like a positive step though to be working with a counsellor, I really hope that will help you with your fears. This resonates so much with me, as I was convinced I was changed forever.
Personally I found counselling to be incredibly helpful - hopefully you can build a connection with your counsellor - don’t be afraid to try someone else if you don’t feel that relationship is working for you.
Yes that is exactly how I feel. That this is me now and I’ll never get better. Logically I can see how that belief doesn’t make sense. But it is only recently that I’ve realised that the belief is possibly harming my recovery. It is good to hear from someone who has felt the same as me and come out the other side
I hope things have been feeling ok this week, and that the replies on your posts here have been helpful and reassuring.
It's good to hear that you've started working with a counsellor and that it's already helping to shift your perspective on things. Fear is such a strong emotion, I hope that weight is starting to lighten for you.
Be kind to yourself always, I'm thinking of you and cheering you on.
thank you for checking in, it has been a good week. And have been continuing to work with the counsellor which is much more helpful than I was expecting
I was just thinking of you and wanted to say hello. I hope things have been ok over the last couple of weeks and you have continued to find working with your counsellor helpful and positive.
thanks Jenny, I’m having a good week but expecting to be in a depression next week for a few days. With my counselling, I’m trying to see what strategies I can use to help me through the difficult times. Fingers crossed
Spoke to psychiatrist and I’m coming off the Lamotragine over the next six weeks, then will be gradually increasing on Valproate to see if that improves things. So a long wait for the next attempt at finding a drug combination. We’ve started (me and husband ) to prepare ourselves for me not actually recovering from the mood swings, that I will always have these down patches, and to live as full a life as we can while I am feeling ok, and work towards lessening the impact of my depressed days. Most of the time I feel ok about it. But then I get a flood of grief at the life I could have had without this. Trying to find some peace in the acceptance but it is tough.
I also have a Bipolar Diagnosis after getting ppp when my son was about 2 years old but I had signs of it during pregnancy.
My life also hasn't recovered and I'm also on meds but strongly struggling on mine. I'm on 4MG of Haloperidol and I've also been prescribed Lamotrogine which I don't take due to not wanting to take too many meds.
I'm currently trying to wean off Haloperidol but am finding that I get horrendous side effects when I lower it so doing this by tiny amounts
I have private psychotherapy which is working. I have found that not working and being isolated is my biggest trigger to ill health which is what I'm feeling at the moment.
It's really good to meet someone who understands my struggles.
Hello JosephineFry, thank you for sharing your own experience although I’m sorry to hear that at times you feel that being isolated can be a trigger for you. I saw on the other thread that you’ve been looking at volunteering. I hope you might be able to find a role that suits you.
Good to hear that your private psychotherapy is beneficial. Finding the right support can make all the difference.
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